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Dragon Lady

An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon."

He knocked.

The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window.

"Could ye spare some victuals?"

The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No!" she shouted.

"Could I have a pint of ale?"

"No!" she shouted.

"Could I at least use your privvy?"

"No!" she shouted again.

The vagabond said, "Might I please ...?"

"What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish.

"D'ye suppose," he asked, "that I might have a word with George?"

Ride'em Cowboy!

Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act. Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?"

Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town.

Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"

The Top 14 Problems With Being Married to Superman

  1. Oh sure, he can leap over tall buildings in a single bound, but try getting him to mow the lawn.

  2. Thanksgiving in Smallville every friggin' year.

  3. Evidence of interplanetary philandering awfully hard to come by.

  4. Krypto the Super Dog keeps breaking guests' shins at dinner parties.

  5. Turns the Earth backwards an hour if he misses "Melrose."

  6. Turns out that straight-laced Clark Kent is one mighty kinky S.O.B.

  7. His way of ending every argument with, "And who's the one who saved the world last week?!?"

  8. More powerful than a locomotive, especially after a 7-11 burrito.

  9. Whenever he sees that damn "Bat-Signal" up in the sky, he's impotent for days.

  10. Always asking, "Do these tights make my ass look fat?"

  11. Loves that "pull my finger" gag, despite the damage it causes to your home's foundation.

  12. Before you married, he could move entire planets -- now, he can't move his ass off the couch.

  13. Is it "the change," or is he just playing with his heat vision again?

    and the Number 1 Problem With Being Married to Superman...

  14. A homeless, toothless Margo Kidder keeps showing up on your doorstep and bellowing, "He's mine! Do you hear me?! He's mine!!"

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