HuMoR - TIADA LogOn TANPA SENYUM ™

Hey, Free Stuff!!

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it?

Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.

He had been counting the years off on his calender, and one day the teenager who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."

"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."

When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on HIS face!"

Another priest joke....

Three young candidates for the priesthood are told by the Monsignor they have to pass one more test: The Celibacy Test. The Monsignor leads them into a room, and tells them to undress, and a small bell is tied to each man's penis.

In comes a beautiful woman, wearing a sexy belly-dancer costume. She begins to dance sensually around the first candidate.

*Ting-a-ling* goes the bell...

"Oh Patrick," says the Monsignor, "I am so disappointed in your lack of control. Go take a long, cold shower and pray about your carnal weakness."

The candidate leaves.

The dancer then continues, slowly dancing around the second candidate and peeling off her layers of veils. As the last veil drops:

*Ting-a-ling* goes the little bell...

"Joseph, Joseph," sighs the Monsignor. "You too are unable to withstand your carnal desires. Go take a long, cold shower and pray for forgiveness"

The dancer then proceeds to dance her sensuous dance around the third candidate. Slowly around him she dances, now devoid of all of her veils, but

the third candidate remains unmoved.

"James, my son, I am truly proud of you," says the Monsignor. "Only you have the true strength of character needed to become a great priest". Now, go and join your weaker brethen in the shower".

*Ting-a-ling*

In The News...

Rains have been so heavy in the Pacific Northwest, that the state flower of Oregon has been changed - to kelp.

A global study reveals that US students are extremely weak in math. The research shows that most teenagers can't even count their blessings. The good news is, at least they're assured a job with the National Park Service.

The Environmental Protection Agency has announced new, stricter air quality standards. When the air reaches a density deemed to be harmful to health, officials will attach a warning sign to it.

Doctors say strep throat can trigger obsessive behavior in children, causing them to do things like continuously wash their hands, clean their rooms or even comb their hair. Apparently, this is a rare affliction.

Young people are taking a new designer drug that causes a brief sense of euphoria, followed by a lapse into a coma. Boys, if you want THAT feeling... just get married...

Major airlines say they were defrauded by a caterer. Instead of in-flight meals, he delivered trays of fresh, tasty, edible food.

Researchers say estrogen can dramatically improve the memories of women. They hope it can do the same for men, but caution that male patients who take estrogen will probably only remember to leave the toilet seat down.

And finally, a new discovery of a human jaw and some tools sheds new light on early man. Although man's jaw has evolved, his obsession with tools has not.