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Goverment Regulations

To Whom It May Concern:

The Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) has determined that the maximum safe load capacity on my butt is two persons at a time--unless I install handrails or safety straps.

As you have arrived sixth in line to ride my ass today, please take a number and wait your turn.

Thank You.

S n o o t y

A Texas girl and a woman from New York meet at a party. The Texas gal says, "Hi! Where y'all from?"

The New Yorker sticks her nose in the air like she's checking for rain, and replies, "Where I come from, we don't end our sentences with a preposition."

Texas gal says, "Fine. Where y'all from...bitch!"

Deer Hunting

A guy takes his greenhorn wife hunting on a ranch. When they reach their deer blinds, the guy says, "If you shoot a deer, be sure not to let somebody else say he's the one who shot it. Otherwise, he'll take the deer from you. The deer belongs to whoever shoots it."

The guy goes to his own blind. Ten minutes later, he hears his wife shooting from her blind nearby. He rushes over and finds her pointing her rifle at a cowboy who's hollering, "Awright, lady, awright--you can have the goddamn deer! Just lemme get my saddle off it!"