HuMoR - TIADA LogOn TANPA SENYUM ™

Just sit down...

At an ambassadorial banquet, after everyone was seated, one of the lady guests complained a bit too loudly that, according to the official order of preference, she ought to be seated next to the Ambassador.

She was found to be right, and several of the guests had to get up and move down to make room for her. Feeling somewhat conscience-stricken at the fuss she had made, the lady said to the ambassador:

"You and your wife must find these questions of precedence extremely troublesome."

"Not really," said the Ambassador. "We have found by experience that the people who matter don't mind, and the people that mind don't matter."

The Shit List

The Differences in the Religions:

TAOISM:                 Shit Happens
CONFUCIANISM:           Confuscious says,"Shit Happens"
BUDDHISM:               If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
ZEN:                    What is the sound of shit happening?
HINDUISM:               This shit happened before
BONZAI BOZOISM:         Make shit happen.. OH SHIT!!
ISLAM:                  If shit happens, it is the will of Allah
PROTESTANTISM:          Let shit happen to someone else.
CATHOLICISM:            If shit happens, you deserve it.
JUDAISM:                Why does this shit always happen to us?
ATHEISM:                I don't believe this shit.
AGNOSTICISM:            What is this shit?
SHINTOISM:              Everything except Japan is Shit.
EXISTENTIAL:            I shit, therefore I sit.
MINIMALIST:             Shit
VEGETARIAN:             Don't eat that shit!
DEJA VU:                I've been through this shit before.
LAO-TZU:                It is utterly pointless to try to explain shit.
GERTRUDE STEIN:         A shit is a shit is a shit.
BUSH:                   A thousand points of shit.
SOVIET UNION:           That shit just didn't work.
CASTRO:                 We have to make this shit work somehow.
EASTERN ORTHODOX:       Rome doesn't know shit.
SEVENTH-DAY ADVENTIST:  Shit happens everyday but Saturday.
UNITARIAN:              Shit is all basically the same.
HOLISTIC:               There's more shit here than I figured on.
JEHOVAH'S WITNESS:      Want to buy a subscription to our Shit?
CHRISTIAN SCIENTIST:    If Shit happens, don't worry. It will go away on its own.
JAINISM:                When Shit happens don't step in it.
CALVINISM:              If you're not saved, tough Shit.
BORN AGAIN:             Shit happens but I am saved.
SCIENTOLOGY:            This Shit is expensive.
NEW AGE:                Crystal power counteracts Shit.
JESUITISM:              If Shit happens and no one hears it, did it really make a sound?
HARE KRISHNA:           Shit happens, Rama, Rama.
SATANISM:               Shit rules!
STOICISM:               So Shit happens, Big deal. I can take it.
HEDONISM:               When Shit happens, enjoy it!
RASTAFARIANISM:         Let's smoke this Shit.
CLINTONISM:             Just don't inhale that Shit.
NATIVE AMERICAN CHURCH: We want our Shit back!
RLDS:                   Brigham is full of Shit.
MORMONISM:              It's evil to say "Shit."
DEMOCRATISM:            How can we send a man to the moon and still have all this shit?
REPUBLICANISM:          There's nothing like a good shit.  Flush the toilet.
FEMINISM:               Put the seat back down, you Shit.
SECULAR HUMANISM:       Shit evolves.
FUNDAMENTALISM:         Born-again shit.
EVANGELISM:             Shit happens. (Pass it on.)
EPISCOPALIAN:           Fecal matter occurs.
JIM JONESISM:           If shit happens, drink Kool-Aid.