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Look Busy

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He'd rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the young businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

The man said, "Sure. I've come to install the phone!"

In the News...

Los Angeles Mayor Richard Riordan wants to make "abusive" panhandling a crime. "Now when a beggar asks for a dime, he has to say "'pretty please.'" (Paul Ecker)

Bob Mills says, "The proposed law specifically exempts PBS, Jerry Lewis and the Clinton administration."

President Clinton raised $27 million at White House coffee klatches. "He insists his administration was never for sale," says Stan Kaplan. "Maybe not, but his opponents say you could rent with an option to lobby."

"Clinton collects $27 million from coffee drinking buddies, yet never does them a single favor? Some friend he is." (Jenny Church)

"$200,000 for coffee? Where did they get that idea? From movie theaters?" (Cutler Daily Scoop)

"Clinton seemed defensive at the press conference. You would be too if you preempted soap operas." (Daily Scoop)

Government Services: Taxpayers can now file income tax returns on the Internet. "The IRS can be accessed at www.heartless/blood-sucker.com," Mills reports.

A manual detailing torture techniques printed by the CIA in the 1980s has been released to the public. Says Alan Ray, "the outside cover was designed to disguise it as ordinary literature -- 'The Citadel: Freshman Orientation.'"

"Coincidentally, fliers went up announcing the garage sale at CIA headquarters, where hot items will include Richard Simmons exercise videos and Fran Drescher laugh tracks." (Tom Singer)

"Included in the how-to-torture book is an entire chapter devoted to Pauly Shore films." (Olympia Daily World)

Clinton wants to spend $2 billion to bring classrooms online. "He wants political science students to learn how to electronically transfer funds from foreign banks," says Jerry Perisho.