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K e n t u c k y

A good ol' boy walked over to a good looking girl in a bar and said 'Howdy! How'd y'all like to come on over to my house and we can have a real good time?"

"I'm not too sure," she replied, "where exactly are you from?"

"I'm from Kentucky, way up in the hills."

"Oh, I've heard about you guys from Kentucky," she said, "you guys will screw pigs and goats and cows and chickens..."

He replied in a very indignant tone, "CHICKENS?!"

In the News...

A McDonald's employee in Connecticut was arrested, accused of selling pot at the drive-through window. "Parents wondered why their kids needed $69.95 for a Happy Meal," says Bill Williams.

"Selling marijuana at McDonald's makes sense in California," says Jay Leno. "When you burn yourself with the scalding hot coffee, you can treat it with medicinal marijuana."

The IRS says Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones owes $8.3 million in back taxes. "Just another adventure in the saga of America's Legal System Team." (Daily Scoop)

Five HMOs threaten to leave LA unless they get tax relief. "They insist that the present tax structure lowers their profits form obscene to merely unconscionable." (Mills)

The New England Journal of Medicine has endorsed physician-prescribed marijuana. "The first hint that approval would be granted came during a closed-door meeting when the editorial board sent out for 2,000 tollhouse cookies." (Mills)

Do you Smoke or Drink and Sex too ?

A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I would like to live very long. What should I do?"

"I think that is a wise decision," the doctor replies.

"Let's see, do you smoke?"

"Oh.. Half a pack a day."

"Starting NOW, no more smoking."

The man agrees.

The doctor then asks, "Do you drink?"

"Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my meals, and a beer or two every once in a while."

"Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions."

The man is a bit upset, but also agrees.

The doctor asks, "How do you eat?"

"Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff."

"Starting now you are going on a very strict diet. You are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese."

The man is now really worried. "Doc, is all this really necessary?"

"Do you want to live long?"

"Yes."

"Well then, it's absolutely necessary. And don't even think of breaking the diet."

The man is quite restless, but the doctor continues,

"Do you have sex?"

"Yeah, once a week or so..., only with my wife!" he adds hurriedly.

"As soon as you get out of here you are going to buy twin beds. No more sex for you. None."

The man is appalled. "Doc... Are you sure I'm going to live longer this way?"

"I have no idea, but whatever you live, I assure you is going to seem like an eternity!"