Your Soap Opera Name = Your Middle Name + The Street You Grew Up On

Your Porn Star Name = Your First Pet's Name + Your Mother's Maiden Name

You may have seen me on 'Santa Barbara' as "Michael Devonshire." But even more impressive was my performance in 'Taboo XXXI' as "Apache McClure!"

What's your name...

A man comes home from work to find his wife in the bedroom, packing her suitcase.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm leavin' you for a better life," she replies.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asks.

"I'm going to Las Vegas," she answers. "I hear they pay $400 for a blowjob there."

The man thinks for a minute, then gets his suitcase out, and starts packing his clothes.

"What the hell are you doing?" his wife asks.

"I'm going to Las Vegas, too," he answers. "I want to see how you live on $800 a year!"

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone:

"Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin"

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but as the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote:

"Returned unopened"