Get your own
FREE Home Page
HuMoR - TIADA LogOn TANPA SENYUM ™
|
Tuesday, May 13, 1997
|
Quickie History:
Tiw's Day In light of the recent "Republic of Texas" silliness: on May 13, 1846, the U.S. declared war on Mexico, given Mexico's military actions in response to the United States' annexation of Texas. You can always tell a Texan. But not much. | |
|
Aries (March 21 - April 19) Avoid significance, today. Love and Death are fine, of course, but this is Tuesday. They'll still be here, tomorrow. For now, it's best to scuff around in fluffy slippers and zap unsuspecting passers-by. |
|
Taurus (April 20 - May 20) You will get in a serious argument with your imaginary friend today, and harsh words will be spoken. |
|
Gemini (May 21 - June 20) Weather changes will soon work in your favor. (You've always wanted to see a glacier, haven't you?) |
|
Cancer (June 21 - July 22) You will be granted a religious experience of startling significance, similar in some respects to the accounts of statues of the Virgin Mary weeping. In this case, however, she will sneeze. |
|
Leo (July 23 - August 22) Bring extra. You'll need it. |
|
Virgo (August 23 - September 22) The nightmares are about to begin, again. Within a few weeks, the words "action figures" will be sufficient to drive you, screaming, from the room. You should try to relax. |
|
Libra (September 22 - October 22) Good day to flummox people. One superior flummoxing method is to walk up to people with a smile, and stick out your hand to shake hands -- your left hand. (Seeing if you can pat their head and rub their tummy at the same time can be taken as being too personal, I've discovered.) |
|
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) This is an excellent day to dare. Dare to eat a peach. Dare to wear your trousers rolled, and walk along the beach. Dare to be different. That sort of thing. |
|
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21) Good day to ask deep questions. Why is it called an afterlife, when really it's an afterdeath? And why do people always talk about "going into the light", who have had near-death experiences? Isn't that rather moth-like behavior for an ex-mammal? What if that's really some sort of spiritual bug-zapper? And why do family-style restaurants seem to think you'll want a sprig of parsley with anything, including pancakes at breakfast? (My hunch is that it's probably a pagan conspiracy-type thing, involving a long-term grudge of some sort.) |
|
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20) Neonle will continue to be rude, and will nretend that you had a small stroke which makes you unable to say or see the letter "n". Stunid nractical joke, if you ask me. Bunch of noon-heads, huh? |
|
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18) Today you will discover that you can amuse your friends by pretending that your hand is a tsetse fly, and "walking" it along the table. Your friends are easily amused, as it turns out. |
|
Pisces (February 19 - March 20) You will inherit millions, along with a rather elderly butler named Hodgson. You'll have a nice time. |
|
The Humorscope has been called "uncannily accurate", by at least one person. I construct them each day (usually), using precise planetary positions, a custom-made analog computer, and ancient Norwegian meditation techniques. Or at least, that's what I would do if I had more time. Currently, I mostly just spin a carrot. Over the next few weeks, we'll be making some great improvements to the Humorscope pages and Humorscope email list as a result of my collaboration with the author of the best "advice" column on the web: Quirky, outrageous and insightful Astro-Advisor Luna will bring astrology down to Earth with her weekly 'Ask Luna' advice column. Luna will answer your questions and address issues on any subject, using her witty and amazingly accurate blend of astrology, intuition and common sense. Got something on your mind? Need advice? Write Luna now at LunaKnows@aol.com, and be sure to include your complete birth data. Then, wait to see if your letter will be answered. (Writer identity remains anonymous.) | |
at 800 x 600
and Arial or Helvetica font!
| LinkExchange Member | Free Home Pages at GeoCities |
HuMoR - TIADA LogOn TANPA SENYUM ™
Copyright (c) 1997, by Ron Lunde. Electronic publication or retransmission
is permitted without charge, providing that the entire article, including
this statement, is included. Radio publication/retransmission in whole or
in part is permitted without charge.
CopyWrong © April 1997 HuMoR™ . All Wrong Reserved.