B is a Beast with its animal rights.

C was a Cripple (now differently abled)

D is a Drunk who is "liquor-enabled."

E is an Ecologist who saves spotted owls.

F was a Forrester, now staffing McDonald's.

G is a Glutton who says he's "food-centered."

H is a Hermaphrodite skirting problems of gender.

I is an "Ism" (you'd better believe it).

J is a Jingoist - love it or leave it!

K is a Kettle the pot can't call black.

L is a Lifestyle not bound to the pack.

M is a Mindset with bias galore.

N was a Negro, but not anymore.

O is an Oppressor, devoid of self-love.

P is the Patriarchy (see "O" above).

Q is a Quip that costs someone a job.

R is the Reasoning done by a mob.

S is a Sexist, that slobbering menace.

T is a Teapot that's brewing a tempest.

U is for Umbrage at the slightest transgression.

V is a Valentine, tool of oppression.

W is for "Woman," however it's spelled.

X is a chromosome we share in our cells.

Y is a Yogi for the easily led.

Z is a Zombie, the differently dead.

Seen in the book "Politically Correct Bedtime Stories"

"Earlier tonight on '20/20,' Barbara Walters interviewed Lyle and Erik Menendez. At the White House earlier this evening, Hillary Clinton chatted with Frank and Jesse James."

"Lyle and Erik said the one thing they're worried about is that they might go to separate prisons and never see one another again. I think if there's one thing we know about these people, it is their unswerving devotion to preserving the family unit!"

"Lyle was supposed to get married Monday in prison...and the judge said no, it's not going to happen. Lyle, understandably, is very, very heartbroken, very sad. He was really looking forward to killing his in-laws."

"Tonight in Brentwood...O.J. Simpson is hosting a black-tie fund-raising event for spousal abuse...I'm sure it will be a lovely affair, and I'm going to try to attend the party if I can. I want to stop off first at Robert Downey Jr.'s 'Just Say No' benefit."

" It will be a great party. I understand O.J.'s hired a D.J. to play the 911 tapes."

"At the stroke of midnight, we're going to go live to Dick Clark at O.J. Simpson's spousal abuse fund-raising party."

"If I'd have gone to the big O.J. Simpson fund raiser tonight, for me it could have been a big, big night. I could have gone to the O.J. Simpson spousal abuse fund raiser. Then, I could have gone to the Robert Downey Jr. anti-drug rally, and right after that, I could have gone to the Steve Howe benefit for gun control."

"Last night, as you know, at his home in Brentwood, Calif., O.J. Simpson hosted the anti-spousal abuse fund-raising dinner. People say he was a pretty good host...although they did say he disappeared for an hour at one point."

"Yesterday was a huge day here in New York City because President Clinton was in town campaigning and so was Bob Dole. And, interestingly enough, Bob Dole was right around the corner at the Stage Deli. It was a mob scene! People are swarming the guy, asking him for his autograph -- turned out later they thought he was Abe Vigoda!"

"Bob Dole, while he was in town, met the President of Estonia, the President of Latvia and the President of Lithuania. Now, these were not scheduled meetings -- they just happened to be his cab drivers."

"Bob Dole was in town yesterday and had a meeting with Cardinal O'Connor. I guess the meeting went great -- you know, after the Cardinal apologized to Dole for giving him the Last Rites."

"Last night's audience made me feel a little like Hillary Clinton...like I was talking to the dead."

"Here now is what I did today for a lot of fun...I called the White House to leave a message for Hillary Clinton. I got the operator and I just said, 'Uh, tell her Abe Lincoln called.'"

"So, Hillary Clinton has had imaginary conversations with Eleanor Roosevelt. And, I'm thinking, big deal. Bob Dole has had actual conversations with Eleanor Roosevelt."

"President Clinton at the White House in the Oval Office had his own seance. That's right -- he tried to bring back the McRib Sandwich."

"Kentucky Fried Chicken announced that it is bringing back its 40-piece bucket of chicken. Well, at last! Some good news for President Clinton!"