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Irony in the Worst Way

Abe Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846
JFK was elected to Congress in 1946

Abe was elected President in 1860
JFK was elected President in 1960

The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights
Both their wives lost their children while living in the House

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday
Both were shot in the head
Both were in the presence of their wives
The Secretary of each President warned them not to go to the theatre and Dallas, respectively

Lincoln's Secretary was named Kennedy
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln

Both were assasinated by Southerners
Both were succeeded by Southerners
Both successors were named Johnson

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939

Both assassins were known by their three names
Both names have 15 letters

Booth ran from the theatre and was captured in a warehouse
Oswald ran from the warehouse and was captured in a theatre

To cap it all off, Booth and Oswald were assassinated before trial

Mystery or statistical coincidence?

Trip To Hell

Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone.

The voice of the Devil was heard, "Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!"

And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment.

This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair,and flies circled her.

The voice of the Devil was heard, "Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!"

And Carl, like Brett, was whisked off.

Bob, now alone, felt understandably anxious, and feared the worst when the third door opened. And as the door inched open, he strained to see the figure of ... Cindy Crawford. Delighted, Bob jumped up, taking in the sight of this beautiful woman, barely dressed in a skimpy bikini. Then he heard the voiceof the Devil saying:

"Cindy, you have sinned ........"