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How Cold is It ?

An annotated thermometer

60
Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one in their wardrobe)
50
Miami residents turn on the heat
40
You can see your breath
Californians shiver uncontrollably
Minnesotans go swimming
35
Italian cars don't start
32
Water freezes
30
You plan your vacation to Australia
Minnesotans put on T-shirts
Politicians begin to worry about the homeless
British cars don't start
Your boogers freeze
25
Boston water freezes
Californians weep pitiably
Minnesotans eat ice cream
Canadians go swimming
20
You can hear your breath
Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
New York City water freezes
Miami residents plan vacation further South
15
French cars don't start
You plan a vacation in Mexico
Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
10
Too cold to ski
You need jumper cables to get the car going
5
You plan your vacation in Houston
American cars don't start
0
Alaskans put on T-shirts
Too cold to skate
-10
German cars don't start
Eyes freeze shut when you blink
-15
You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects
Miami residents cease to exist
-20
Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you
Politicians actually do something about the homeless
Minnesotans shovel snow off roof
Japanese cars don't start
-25
Too cold to think
You need jumper cables to get the driver going
-30
You plan a two week hot bath
The Mighty Monongahela freezes
Swedish cars don't start
-40
Californians disappear
Minnesotans button top button
Canadians put on sweaters
Your car helps you plan your trip South
-50
Congressional hot air freeze
Alaskans close the bathroom window
-80
Hell freezes over

The Best (and Worst) of Country Music....

Do You Love As Good As You Look?
Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed
Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares
Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?
I Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral
I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
I Wanna Whip Your Cow
I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!
I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised
I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line
If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
If The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me
If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose
My Every Day Silver Is Plastic
My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus (the Cheese motto)
My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You.
Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill.
She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty
Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
When You Leave, Walk Out Backwards So I'll Think You're Walking In
You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too
You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life
Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor On The Bedpost Overnight?
Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life
I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy