So Newt got a ride on the President's flight
With four carry-on bags, which is quite impolite
Bob Dole came along, and the nasty old fart
Tried to climb up on top of the food and drink cart

Newt had a bee in his bonnet that flight
He's such a fussbudget, he wanted to fight
About budgets and Medicare, deregulation
Welfare, and Democrats wrecking the nation

But Mr. Bill Clinton was tired and sad
His friend had been killed and he felt very bad
No budget fight should be fought in the air
Bill sat at his desk and he played solitaire

Then the plane landed with Newt at the rear
He thought "How the hell will I get out of here?"
"I hate being stuck at the back of the plane
Waiting for everyone else to deplane!"

Just then a nice stewardess opened the door
Through which other passengers started to pour
Newt had no choice, the line was single file
And with his four bags he was blocking the aisle

He stepped from the plane and his blood pressure rose
As he watched Mr. Clinton there striking a pose
By the door near the cockpit the cameras whirred
As the President stepped from his personal bird

Newt couldn't stand it, he stamped and he stomped
He huffed and he puffed, he ranted and romped
He spouted and pouted, he fumed and he fussed
He cried and he bawled, then he swore and he cussed

"He can't snub Newt Gingrich, I'm the damn Speaker
And no one has ever made fits of pique piquer
I'll teach him a lesson he'll never forget
I'll make this a "diss" that he'll always regret!"

He went to his office and started to write
A new resolution for his budget fight
"By God," said the Speaker, "I'm running this town!"
"And now I've been snubbed, so I'm shutting it down!"

His new bill was laden with extra demands
That had the effect of tying Bill's hands
He's spent so much time as an invertebrate
He had to stand tall as a tough Chief of State

So Bill, Dole, and Newt had reached an impasse
And all because Newt had behaved like an ass
He said he was snubbed, in a tone non-confessional
Democrats said, "Oh that's so unprofessional!"

Now Newt is happy, he's thinking, "I showed 'em!"
To Hell with Fed workers, Bill has furloughed 'em
Newt's downsizing government with his new tactics
Of pouting, denial, and other theatrics

And now all because the House Speaker was snubbed
The whole budget process may have to be scrubbed
Maybe one day Newt will own Air Force One
Do us a favor, Newt: Run, Baby Run!

Ast: To interrogate or inquire, as when a revenue agent seeks information about illegal moonshine stills.
"Don't ast me so many question. I makes me mad."

Attair: Contradiction used to indicate the specific item desire.
"Pass me attair gravy, please"

Awl: An amber fluid used to lubricate engines.
"Ah like attair car, but it sure does take a lot of awl."

Bawl: What water does at 212 degrees Fahrenheit.
"That gal cain't even bawl water without burnin' it."

Bleeve: Expression of intent or faith.
"Ah bleeve we ought to go to church this Sunday."

Cent: Plural of cent.
"You paid five dollars for that necktie? Ah wouldn't give fiddy cent for it."

Co-cola: The soft drink that started in Atlanta and conquered the world.
"Ah hear they even sell Co-cola in Russia."

Cyst: To render aid.
"Can Ah cyst you with those packages, ma'am."

Dayum: A cuss word Rhett Butler used in "Gone With the Wind."
"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a dayum."

Everwhichways: To be scattered in all directions.
"You should have been there when the train hit attair chicken truck. Them chickens flew everwhichways.

Far: A state of combustion that produces heat and light.
"Ah reckon it's about time to put out the far and call in the dawgs."

Flares: The colorful, sweet-smelling part of a plant.
"If yo wife's mad at ya, it's smart to take her some flares."

Good ole boy: Any Southern male between age 16 and 60 who has an amiable disposition and is fond of boon companions, strong drink, hound dawgs, fishin', huntin', and good lookin' women, but not necessarily in that order.
" Bubba's a good ole boy."

Griyuts: What no Southern breakfast would be without - grits.
"Ah like griyuts with butter and sawt on'em, but Ah purely love'em with red-eye gravy."

Hale: Where General Sherman is going for what he did to Etlanna. (Atlanta)
"General Sherman said "War is Hale" and he made sure it was."

Hep: to aid or benefit.
"Ah can't hep it if Ah'm still in love with you."

Idinit: Term employed by genteel Southerners to avoid saying Ain't.
"Mighty hot today, idinit?"

Jew: Did you.
"Jew want to buy attair comic book, son, or just stand there and read it here?"

Kumpny: Guests.
"Be home on time. We's havin' kumpny for supper."

Law: Police, or as Southerners pronounce it, PO-leece.
"We better get outta here. That bartender's doen called the law."

Likker: Whiskey; either the amber kind bought in stores or the homemade white kind that federal authorities frown upon.
"Does he drink? Listen, he spills more likker than most people drink."

Mash: To press, as in the case of an elevator button.
"Want me to mash yo floor for you, Ma'am?"

Muchablige: Thank you.
"muchablige for the lift, mister."

Nawthun: Anything that is not Southern.
"He is a classic product of the superior Nawthun educational system." (sarcasm)

Ovair: In that direction.
"Where's yo paw, son?"
"He's ovair, suh."

Phraisin: Very cold.
"Shut that door. It's phraisin in here."

Plum: Completely.
"Ah'm plum wore out."

Retch: To grasp for.
"The right feilder retch over into the stands and caught the ball."

Saar: The opposite of sweet.
"These pickles Sure are saar."

Shovelay: A GM car.
"Nobody could drive a Shovelay like Junior Johnson."

Sinner: Exact middle of.
"Have you been to the new shoppin' sinner."

Sugar: A kiss.
"Come here and give me some sugar."

Tarred: Fatigued.
"Ah'm too tarred to go bowlin' nonight."

Tar Arns: A tool employed in changing wheels.
"You cain't change a tar without a tar arn."

Uhmurkin: Someone who lives int he United States of Uhmurka.
"Thomas Jefferson was a great Uhmurkin."

War: Metal strands attached to posts to enclose domestic animals.
"Be careful and don't get stuck on that bob war."

Whup: To beat or to strike.
"OOOEEE!!! Yer mama's gonna whup you fer sayin' a cuss word."

Yankee shot: A Southern child's navel.
"Momma, what's this on mah belly?" "That's yo Yankee Shot."

Zat: Is that.
"Zat yo dawg?"