Willie poisoned Auntie's tea
Auntie died in agony.
Uncle came and looked quite vexed.
"Really, Will," he said, "what next?"

Little Willie, mean as hell
Drowned his sister in the well.
Mother said, while drawing water,
"Gee, it's hard to raise a daughter."

Little Willie's dead and gone,
His face we'll see no more.
For what he thought was H2O
Was h2SO4.

Little Willie from the mirror licked the mercury off,
Thinking in his childish error it would cure whooping cough.
At the funeral Willie's mother smartly said to Mrs. Brown,
"'Twas a chilly day for Willie when the mercury went down."

Little Willie in best of shashes
Fell into the fire and was burnt to ashes.
By and by the room grew chilly,
But no one like to poke poor Willie.

Little Willie at a passing gent
Threw a batch of fresh cement.
Then he said, "Wait until you dry!
Then you'll be a real hard guy!"

Little Willie on his bike
Through the village took a hike.
Mrs. Thompson blocked the walk;
She will live, but still can't talk.

Willie saw some dynamite,
Couldn't understand it quite.
Curiosity never pays;
It rained Willie seven days.

Willie fell down the elevator,
Wasn't found 'till six days later.
Then the neighbors sniffed: "Gee whiz!
What a spoiled child Willie is!"

Willie in the cauldron fell;
See the grief on mother's brow!
Mother loved her Darling well,
Willie's quite hard-boiled by now.

Willie with a thirst for gore,
Nailed the baby to the door.
Mother said, with humor quaint,
"Willie dear, don't spoil the paint."

Willie's cute as cute can be.
Beneath his brother, only three,
He lit a stick of dynamite.
Now Brother's simply out of sight.

Willie, I regret to state,
Cut his sister up for bait.
We miss her when it's time to dine,
But Willie's fish taste simply fine.

Willie's on the railroad track-
The engine gave a squeal.
The engineer just took a spade,
And scraped him off the wheel.

Little Willie, playing ball
Lined one down the schoolhouse hall
Through the door came Mr. Hill
Several teeth are missing still

Here's the story:

The year was 1963, and everything was looking up. Dad was invited to his first house-warming party that actually meant something. One of his buddies from Med School had taken the plunge and bought a home.

It was tiny.

Well... One of the guests, a first time guest, had to take a serious dump. The problem was, The toilet was right smack-dab next to the dining room. The food was ready. Conversation had died. His shit stank. Luckily, he was a smoker (as was almost everybody those days) and lit up to cover up the smell.

It seems as though our friend had embimbed in some seriously exotic foods, because he thought that cig smoke wasn't enough to cover.

Do I have to remind you that this was the age of big hair?

What better to cover up the smell than to spray some of that bufont builder.

So then he sprayed.

And sprayed some more, and, to assure that no scent could escape, he locked up his legs tight.

When he was done, he dropped his cigarette into the porceleon ashtray.

The explosion that followed was enough to crack the bowl and launch our friend ten feet over and six feet up (his skull cracked three tiles). He ended up face down, ass up, and pants down in the bathtub. Not only did he have a concussion, but had some serious burns on some unmentionable areas.

As stated earlier, this bathroom was right next to the dining room. Witnesses that I have been able to ask have said that it sounded like a shotgun blast.

My dad ended up breaking the door down, and driving his friend to the hospital after wrapping his butt in ice.