What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff

What do you call a Man in a paper bag?
Russell

What do you call a man with no arms and legs in a hole?
Phil

What do you call a man with no arms and legs floating in a pool?
Bob

What do you call a man with a rabbit up his bottom?
Warren

What do you call a Woman with a glass of beer balanced on each hand?
Beatrix

What do you call the same woman with a pool cue on her head?
Beatrix Potter

What do you call a man with a spade in his head?
Doug

What do you call a girl with one leg?
Peg

What do you call a girl with one leg?
Eilene

What do you call a chinese girl with one leg?
Irene

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs at your front door?
Matt

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs hanging on your wall?
Art

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the leaves/bushes?
Russell

What do you call a guy with no lower legs?
Neil

What do you call a girl with no arms or legs hanging by your front door?
Bell

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in a beehive?
Buzz

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs who comes in the mail?
Bill

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs who is delivered by an attorney?
Will

What do you call a guy with no arms or legs water skiing?
Skip

What do you call a guy w/ no arms or legs in a mercedes?
Rich

What do you call a guy w/ no arms and legs cut off at the knees?
Neil

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
Eileen

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other if she's oriental?
Irene

Why did they call the hockey game off at the leper colony?
There was a face off in the corner

What do they call a leper in a hot tub?
Stu

What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip

What do you call a guy w/ no arms or legs who flies over the fence?
Homer

1. How do I know anything really exists?
   Kick it *really* hard.

2. What is the essence of being human?
   Not understanding the opposite sex.

3. If a tree falls in the forest, and there's no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?
   Not if it lands on a bunch of pillows.

4. How do I know I'm not just a brain in a vat, hooked up to a computer simulation of life?
   Look in the mirror. If you see a gray, spongy thing in a glass container, you are.

5. Can our minds exist seperately from our bodies?
   If they could, we'd just send our minds to class and sleep in every morning.

6. Is there a God?
   A billion Hindus can't be wrong.

7. What is the nature of Knowledge?
   I'm still trying to figure out the nature of *college*.

8. What is the meaning of life?
   All evidence to date suggests it's chocolate.

9. Why get a Philosophy degree?
   It's more respectable than a theater degree, but you still get to drink lots of espresso.

10. So, was Kant on drugs or what?
    Probably.