1. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.

2. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.

3. Beer has never caused a major war.

4. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.

5. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.

6. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of Beer.

7. You don't have to wait 2000+ years for a second Beer.

8. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you.

9. You can prove you have a Beer.

10. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop.

Our heavenly Father set forth upon this planet a new garden which he named Eden. He placed into this garden a perfect man named Adam except that he was not perfect as we soon shall see. God, who was also known as YHVH, knew that the man was perfect because he, God, had designed him to be perfect but God also knew everything that was ever going to happen and so he also knew that this chap, Adam, would turn out to be less than perfect, in fact so less than perfect that it would soon (in god time) be necessary for God to commit suicide to make up for this terrible miscalculation.

Then God planted a fruit tree in this garden but forbade Adam from eating its fruit. This was not a good idea because God also knew that Adam could not resisit this terrible temptation. Then to make things worse, God made a talking snake - it spoke a dialect of Hebrew - and the snake was smarter than Adam plus God also made a woman who was maybe not as smart as the talking snake but a whole lot smarter than Adam and she could talk him into anything. Between Adam's natural desire, the sweet talking woman and the slick snake, Adam ate the fruit thus committing the original sin. Of course, God knew this would happen because he had designed the man to guaranty failure, but nonetheless God sentenced all future persons on earth for their shared guilt of this sin and then he invented Hell as a place to punish everybody, including himself, for his own design flaw.

God got to feeling bad about this original sin and decided that he would commit suicide and go to Hell to make it up to himself for his own mistake but since he didn't want to really die he split himself into three eternal parts and had one of the parts rape a young Jewish girl. However it was not a really recent decision because god knew from day one that he would do this.

Now this next part gets a little tricky and you have to pay close attention. The victim of this rape was knocked up and the resulting issue was god himself. In other words, God is the father of God. The permutations that follow that simple statement are truly astounding and are summed up in a term invented by one of the popes, "a mystery".

Anyhow, the son of God, who is also God, himself was preordained to give his life for the release from guilt of all the people who did not perform the original sin. Apparently God has some kind of a rule that says that if he appears to die, then he won't be angry at innocent people who offend him by their very existance.

But how does a god who is eternal commit suicide? God decided to fake it. He thought that it would be a piece of cake to fool all of the people all of the time and it was. God knew that if it was impossible to commit suicide, it would be equally impossible to be killed or even to die, so he would make it look like he was dead and then after three days and three nights he would jump up and yell, "Surprise!" But what the heck, he got bored with this game so after one day and two nights he called it off.

This is called xianity and if you believe it you will be a whole lot better off when the world ends than those who don't.

THE END.