As the Pope approached the gates of heaven, it was Saint Peter who greeted him in a firm embrace.

"Welcome your holiness, your dedication and unselfishness in serving your fellow man during your life has earned you great stature in heaven. You may pass through the gates without delay and are granted free access to all parts of heaven."

"You are also granted an open door policy and may at your own discretion meet with any heavenly leader, including the Father without prior appointment."

"Is there anything which your holiness desires?"

"Well, yes," the Pope replied. "I have often pondered some of the mysteries which have puzzled and confounded theologians through the ages. Are there perhaps any transcripts which recorded the actual conversations between God and the prophets of old? I would love to see what was actually said, with-out the dimming of memories over time."

Saint Peter immediately ushered the Pope to the heavenly library and explained how to retrieve the various documents. The Pope was thrilled and settled down to review the history of man's relationship with God.

Two years later a scream of anguish pierced the stacks of the library. Immediately several of the Saints and Angels came running. There they found the Pope pointing to a single word on a parchment, Repeating over and over, "There's an 'R', there's an 'R' -- it's celibrate, not celibate!"

Preacher-in-a-Box is a twenty-one pound lunch-box-size computer system that, when in use, will lift the level of spirituality in any church. With the touch of a few buttons anyone can access the three-thousand pre-programmed sermons, any of the four hundredsong accompaniments, and the fifteen hundred exciting children-s stories. With the new voice and sound synthesis systems, Preacher-in-a-Box will perform its tasks with near perfect accuracy, and with much variety and the expertice of the world's greatest preachers.

Preacher-in-a-box even does weddings and funerals, and with our new office counselling chip, it will be able to operate on an interactive level with your congregation. In addition, Preacher-in-a-Box mounts easily on any standard-size pulpet when called to speak, and if you act now, we will give you, free of charge, the new extention arm that wil lenable Preacher-in-a-Box to shake hands with those attending your services. So, stop by your local Theology Technology dealer, and see what this amazing new machine can do for you and your Church. Oh yeh, in case you wer wondering about Preacher-in-a-Box's public relations skills, this entire ad was written and produced by the machine without any outside help.

Merry christmassssssssss.