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The Meaning of Easter

Three stupid guys just died and are at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter tells them that they can enter the gates if they can answer one simple question.

St. Peter asks the first man, "What is Easter?"

The man replies, "Oh, that's easy, it's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and is thankful..."

"WRONG," replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second man the same question, "What is Easter?"

The second man replies, "No, Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."

St. Peter looks at the second man, shakes his head in disqust, looks at the third man and asks, "What is Easter?"

"I know what Easter is. Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and he was later deceived and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified,he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large bolder. Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out, and if he sees his shadow there will be 6 more weeks of winter.

Nun and Fish

One day a nun was fishing and caught a huge fish for supper.

A man was walking by and said "Wow what a goddamn fish!"

The sister said "Sir you shouldn't talk to me like that: I'm a nun" and the man said "But that's the name of it: a goddamn fish".

So the sister took the fish back to the rectory and said "Mother superior, look at the goddamn fish I caught."

The mother superior said "Sister, you shouldn't talk like that!", and the sister said "But mother superior, that's the name of it: a goddamn fish".

So the mother superior said "Well give me the goddamn fish and I'll clean it."

While she was cleaning the fish the monsignor walked in and she said "Monsignor look at the goddamn fish that the sister caught."

The monsignor said "Mother superior you shouldn't talk like that!", and the mother superior said "But that's the name of it: a goddamn fish".

So the monsignor said "Well give me the goddamn fish and I'll cook it".

That evening at supper there was a new priest at the table, and he said "Wow what a nice fish".

And the sister said "I caught the goddamn fish."

And mother superior said "I cleaned the goddamn fish".

And the monsignor said "I cooked the goddamn fish".

And the new priest said: "I like this fucking place already!"