In this story, dialogue enclosed by [] is in Chinese.
NEKO-PHILIA
by Scott K. Jamison
(Note: Ranma 1/2 and its characters created by Rumiko Takahashi, no
infringement intended.)
A fine drizzle had set in over Nerima, and showed no signs of
letting up. A rather bedraggled-looking purplish cat shrugged, and
dashed from cover to cover in the alley behind the Nekohanten. There was
a pet door there, equipped with a latch no ordinary cat could work. This
cat could.
Once inside the restaurant, it shook itself, but decided not to
groom. Instead it trotted to the bathroom, got in the shower, and hit
the special button at floor level.
The burst of hot water restored Shampoo to her natural human
form. She sighed as she surveyed herself in the mirror. Scratches,
cuts, abrasions...and her hair was a mess! At least this way she didn't
have to use her tongue to fix it.
"That no go good," she admitted in her broken Japanese. Another
perfectly good plan to snare Ranma, spoiled by the interference of her
rivals and by Ranma's inability to admit he loved her best.
Then again, she thought, how do I know Ranma loves me best? He
treats us all about the same, except Akane, who's he's pretty mean to.
Stupid violent girl. I need to come up with a new approach, something
the other fiancees can't match. My strengths are...
I'm strongest. But Akane's pretty strong too, and it doesn't seem
to impress him.
I can cook good. But so can Ukyou, and Kodachi isn't half bad.
I'm the best fighter. But all of us can fight, more or less.
Besides, if Ranma judged by that, he would have claimed me when we first met.
I'm good-looking! But so are all the others, even Akane, though
I'm certainly never going to tell her so.
I can't go home a failure! I can't! The penalty for the first
failure is retraining at Jyuusenkyo...the penalty for a second
failure...brrr. Maybe I should tell Ranma, see if his pity would move him...
No, he (and just about all other outsiders) consider Joketsuzoku
customs some kind of joke, and me an idiot for following them. Sometimes
I wish I could just throw them over, but if I'm not an Amazon, then who
am I?
She finished combing out her hair and started to put it back in
her favorite style, when she remembered. I do do one thing none of the
other fiancees can do. I turn into a cat! I wonder, did
Great-Grandmother aim me into that pool deliberately? A cat's body comes
in so useful! Spying, climbing, getting into small places. And I don't
have to worry about getting eaten like poor Ryouga.
Unfortunately, it's exactly the wrong form for attracting Ranma.
His stupid father's training left him with a colossal case of--what's
that word?--ailurophobia, that's it. It's handy to be able to scare my
future husband once in a while, it really doesn't make him like me any more.
But...if Ranma wasn't afraid of cats any more, then he could see
my cursed form as the asset it is, and he'd probably like me better. But
how am I going to arrange that?
Shampoo found a note from Cologne in the kitchen. The older
woman had village business to attend to, and would be gone for the next
two days. Mousse had not returned yet; perhaps he was waiting for the
rain to die down. At any rate she had the place to herself for a while.
Time to consult Great-Grandmother's book of home remedies.
Shampoo pulled the box of scrolls out from its usual resting place. Cure
scabies, repel moths from clothing, summon kaiju...One outside innovation
I'm definitely going to introduce when I'm in charge is the index!
Two-thirds of the way through the box, she found "Phobias: How to Cause
and Cure."
Shampoo squinted at the complex ideographs. Wish I'd paid more
attention in school...
It took two weeks to gather the necessary ingredients, longer
than usual because she wasn't telling Cologne about it.
Great-Grandmother had returned from her trip in a foul mood, and Shampoo
decided it was best not to spring another plan on her yet. Also, she had
to take frequent breaks to prevent one of her rivals from gaining the
upper hand in the Ranma stakes. Another week was taken in preparing the
potion. The most difficult part there was concealing the process from
Mousse. He'd developed a keen sense of smell. Not good enough for him
to get around, but it was hard to hide unusual scents from him. And he
would certainly interfere if he could.
The resulting mixture tasted a bit strong, but Shampoo was of the
firm belief that there was no such thing as a too-strong potion, and
besides, she'd become expert at disguising the taste of drugs.
Next problem: the delivery method. She knew from experience
that if she tried cornering Ranma alone and forcing it down his throat,
he'd assume she was trying to drug him. Which she was, actually, but it
was for his own good. If she tried serving it to him at a meal, either
everyone at the dojo would insist on sharing it, or one of her rivals
would assume drugs and intercept it. But there was only enough potion
for one dose, so she couldn't put it in a meal to serve everyone.
Blowdart? No, the required dose was too large. Injection? No,
needles were too fragile, and a hypo would be way too obvious. Wait a
minute...Needles. Hollow. Chopsticks!
It took another two days of trial and error to get the trick
chopsticks just right. Then a full day of cooking, and at last she was
ready!
[Where are you off to, Great-Granddaughter?] asked Cologne.
[Off to show Ranma who's the best cook--and the most thoughtful
wife!] replied Shampoo.
[That's the spirit, my girl! But isn't that an awful lot of food
for even him?]
[Oh, I let the others eat too. But only my future husband gets
the special treatment.]
Mousse popped up. [Special treatment? When will you ever learn?]
Shampoo swatted him and hopped on her bicycle.
By happy chance, she'd picked a night when Akane had cooked
supper. Ranma was wearing what Shampoo guessed had been supposed to be
rice curry on his head. His short-haired fiancee must have been in a
good mood. That was about to change.
"Nihao, Ranma! Shampoo bring real food!"
"What is it this time? Love potion, hallucinogens, mind control
serum, hm?"
"No! Food for everyone, even violent bad-cooking girl. Eat
up!" Shampoo unpacked the dinner, serving Mr. Tendou first. Ranma was
so busy switching his plate with his father's he didn't notice Shampoo
palming the chopsticks and replacing them with the special pair.
Still, they seemed suspicious, so she took a bit of food from
Ranma's plate, and chewed it herself. "See? Shampoo no poison food."
The families dug in, except for Akane. Shampoo understood. I'd
be jealous too if someone were so much better a cook than me. She forced
herself not to stare at Ranma. Must give the potion enough time to work,
she thought.
"Yum! Good meal, Shampoo!" said Ranma.
"You could have had my perfectly good one, but no, you wouldn't
even taste it!"
"Neither would anyone else! Why do you always pick on *me* about
this?"
"Because you're her fiancee, Ranma!" shouted Soun, on the verge
of tears.
Shampoo knew where this was going, so she cut it short by pulling
a package out of her pocket.
"Have surprise for groom!"
"Another one of those works-once Nannichuan gimmicks? No way
you're getting a date with me for that again!"
"No, silly Ranma, Shampoo give you this!" She ripped off the
paper to reveal a small porcelain figurine in the shape of "beckoning cat".
"It's magic, right? What's it supposed to do?"
"It no magic! Just doll! [Sheesh!]
Nabiki, ever the observant one, said "It's a cat Ranma.
Considering your phobia makes you nervous of even pictures of cats,
you're showing admirable restraint."
"Hmm, it *is* a cat." He picked it up. "Very nicely detailed,
too. Now just what are you up to, Shampoo?"
"Ranma not afraid? Not even little bit?"
"Nah. That is odd."
"Odd, Ranma, it's downright spooky! What have you done to him,
you witch?"
"Shampoo help husband, cure Ranma of weak point. Violent girl
never even try that, yes?"
Akane took a step back, shock written on her face. The Chinese
girl smiled like she'd eaten a canary.
"Shampoo thought not."
"Wait a minute. Cure me of my weak point? You're serious?"
Time for the acid test. Shampoo stooped, picked up a water glass
and doused herself with the contents. She felt herself shrinking, her
perspective twisting as her body folded down into her cat form. Out of
the corner of one eye, she saw Kasumi catch the falling glass. But her
main attention was on Ranma.
He was looking down at her, with just a bit of nervousness on his
face.
"Sh-shampoo?"
He knelt down, and looked carefully at her. Ranma reached out a
hand, slowly and cautiously.
Stand fast, Shampoo told herself. Don't spook him now.
Ranma touched her with a fingertip. Shampoo held her breath.
All the others in the room were doing the same. Ranma's hand flicked
back for just a moment, then he was laying his palm on her.
"Mew?" Everyone let out their breath.
"I'm ... not afraid. No fear! Akane, I'm not afraid of cats
anymore!" He leapt up and grabbed Akane's shoulders. "Isn't it wonderful?"
"I...I guess so. I'm happy for you, Ranma." She managed a
bittersweet smile.
"Yep, I'm pretty much invincible now. I think I'll juggle cats
in Kunou's face tomorrow, or better--"
"Meow!" interrupted Shampoo. This was her big moment after all.
"oh, Shampoo, right." He came back over to her. "Thanks. You
know, you're kind of cute as a cat." He reached out an arm and petted
her. Shampoo stretched and rubbed herself against his leg.
"Prrr." Ranma was ranting again how his new fearlessness would
allow him even greater triumphs, but he kept petting Shampoo and stroking
her fur. Soon, she'd managed to get into his lap. It was almost more
bliss than she could stand. At last Ranma was holding her, cuddling her,
without any shouting or pushing away.
TO BE CONTINUED
SKJAM!
"At first when she started screaming 'Jean-Luc! Jean-Luc!' I thought she
was just another rabid Trekkie. How wrong I was." from _96 Hours of
Terror: the Shiratori Ordeal_ by Patrick Stewart
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