RANMA 'N' ROLL
by Scott K. Jamison
(Note: Ranma 1/2 characters by Rumiko Takahashi, MegaMan characters from
some videogame company, no infringement intended.)
Part Two
"It's not what it looks like!"
"Sure it isn't, you pervert. Kasumi's out, so I made some miso."
"uh, Akane, isn't miso supposed to be just a bit cloudy, not opaque?"
"Are you criticizing my cooking?"
"Well, I--"
Roll had taken the soup and began slurping it down.
"Interesting flavor. I've never tasted anything like that."
Ranma stared dumbfounded. Akane wore a triumphant smile, but it
faded when the visitor's forehead began to sweat.
"Odd. My stomach seems to be inverting, and there's a tickling
sensation in my throat."
Ranma rushed her to the toilet.
"So that was vomiting. I don't think I want to repeat that experience."
"Then don't eat any more of Akane's cooking. By the way, this is
Akane Tendou."
"Ranma's *fiancee*" growled Akane, as if to warn any challengers
to stay away.
"Roll. I'm pleased to meet you." That was it, her Japanese was
too standard, as if she'd learned it from a book.
"Maybe you'd like to freshen up a bit. I drew a bath."
"Yes, that would be good."
As the bathroom door shut behind Roll, Ranma said, "I think she's
cursed."
"like you?"
"Yeah, so there's no telling what she (or he) really looks like."
"You always did have strange tastes."
"Hey, she just said I smelled nice! Stupid tomboy."
"Pervert."
"Uncute."
"Grrr..."
Remembering the Japanese custom, Roll soaped up first and rinsed
off with cold water, then slid into the hot tub. She felt numb as the
subtle aches of her body vanished.
She'd realized too late that the Juusenkyo guide had meant
*human* girl. The very first day of walking, her feet had blistered
badly, and her skintight enduracloth suit had chafed badly against her
subtly changed shape. And she'd grown weak with hunger. Not having any
money the locals would understand, she had to trade her futuristic
clothing for castoffs that could be adjusted to fit, and some food.
Roll would have blushed if she were physically capable as she
remembered finding out about waste elimination. After a couple of days,
she was given a hot bath by a kindly woman and discovered the key to
transformation, but all too soon a sudden rain shower rendered her human
again.
Her progress had gone in fits and starts after that. Her
tireless robot body covered many more miles, but cold water lurked at
every turn. Then she had to find food and hot water again, and each time
she returned to human, she was just as tired.
Actually, if it weren't for the pain and the tiredness, she'd
almost enjoy being human. True, robotic sight and hearing were far
superior, but the sensations of taste and smell almost made up for it.
And the delicacy of human touch! Dr. Light was a genius, but even he
couldn't build skin that felt as well as a human's.
She calculated there would be no further benefit to soaking
longer and stepped out of the tub. And onto the soap. Startled, she
slipped and fell.
"Eek!" Akane and Ranma burst in.
"Are you all--" They stopped and stared.
"I'm fine."
"You-You're--between your legs, you're a b-b-blank!?!"
"Sure." Roll punched up her hot air attachment and began drying
herself off.
Shortly, they were back in the bedroom, Roll wearing a cotton
bathrobe. Ranma and Akane couldn't help staring. Now they could see the
unnatural smoothness of her skin, no hairs or pores, and the slightly
glassy look in her eyes.
"Wha--who *are* you?"
"Roll, like I said before. As for what I am, I'm a robot."
"A robot? But you look so--real!"
"Dr. Light made me and my brothers to look like humans, so we'd
fit in better."
"Brothers? You mean there are more of you?"
"One in this time period, I think, though Proto isn't much of a
brother. MegaMan, Rock, is still in the future as far as I know."
"Future? You're a time traveller too?"
"you got it! I came here on Dr. Wiley's ship."
"Doctor who?"
"No, Dr. Wiley. He used to be Dr. Light's partner, but he wanted
to use robots to take over the world. And now he's back here in Japan,
and I've got to stop him!"
Admittedly the Twentieth Century teens didn't watch the news
closely, but there'd been no reports of Dr. Wiley's Skullship, or of
rampaging robots, and they told Roll so.
"That's odd. He's normally pretty blatant. But I'd bet my
circuits he's up to something rotten!"
"But why did the guide send you to me?" asked Ranma.
"That's obvious," interrupted Akane. "Your curse."
"Curse?"
"Uh, yeah, I fell into one of those pools too. Guess he thought
I could help you adjust."
One by one, the rest of the Tendou family came home and were
introduced to Roll. Soun Tendou looked visibly relieved when he was told
Roll had no intention of being engaged to Ranma. It was agreed that she
would help Kasumi with the household chores in exchange for a place to stay.
"And of course, you'll be attending school."
"School? But I'm--"
"Obviously too young to be playing hooky."
"Sorry Roll, but the only kid around here who doesn't go to
school is Ryouga, and that's only because he can't find it. Makes it
tough for the truant officers to catch up."
"What about Shampoo?"
"She told me Cologne worked out some kinda 'home schooling' deal
for her and Mousse."
As she helped serve dinner, Roll watched the Tendou and Saotome
families interact. It wasn't much like her own family. Ranma and Akane
were very short-tempered with each other, and Ranma didn't seem to like
his father much. Akane's father burst into tears at the slightest
excuse. The middle daughter, Nabiki, spent the entire meal discussing
stock options except for asking Roll if she'd like to pose for some
pictures, while Kasumi just smiled and said "oh my" every so often.
Of course, her own family was three-quarters robotic, and
programmed to get along. Come to think of it, this was her first
extended contact with humans other than Dr. Light. They were proving to
be more complicated than she had imagined.
"And Roll made dessert," Kasumi said.
"Dessert? Splendid!" roared Genma.
Roll brought out the cake, and everyone dug in, or rather tried to.
"My fork won't go in."
"Ow! I fink I broke a toof!"
"I thought you said you were programmed for household duties?"
Roll felt embarrassed. "Well, yes, but Dr. Light isn't exactly a
gourmet. My cooking was just punching the right buttons on the
synthesizer or putting stuff in a microwave. This was my first time
cooking from scratch."
"Didn't you taste it to see if it was right?"
"Robots don't have taste buds."
"Don't worry, dear," said Kasumi, "you'll get the hang of it."
"Like Akane has?"
"Ranmaa..."
Since she needed only a brief shut-down period to recharge her
batteries, Roll had finished cleaning and was trying to fix the toaster
by the time everyone awoke.
"This thing is really primitive, but I think this should do the
trick." she said, retracting the spot welder into her arm.
Sure enough, the toaster worked like a charm.
"Good work, Roll."
"I guess you're useful after all."
Useful. The most important word to a robot. But somehow she wanted...
more.
One of Kasumi's old school uniforms fit Roll, so she was off with
her new friends.
Akane and Ranma were off on one of their intermittent arguments,
this one about Akane's pet pig P-chan, who hadn't been home last night.
Roll wanted them to stop fighting, but she had pretty much no experience
with quarreling humans who weren't neatly divided into "good" and "evil."
"Ummm...errr..."
None of them noticed Mrs. Watanabe cleaning her stoop, but it was
Roll who took the water spray. She reverted to human form and the
tiredness it felt.
"Ohhh..." she bagan to stumble.
Almost instantly, Ranma was at her side, supporting her.
"Are you all right?"
"I think so...I just have to get used to a different body." But
she didn't want to stand up right away. Ranma's arms were warm and safe.
"Ranma you jerk!" Akane dumped a pail over his head. Suddenly
Roll was being held by a rather wet redheaded girl.
"Uncute tomboy!"
"R-ranma? Is that you?"
"Yup. This is my curse."
They stopped at Dr. Tofu's for hot water. The physician seemed
none too surprised to see his patient of the day before transform.
"You will need to let your human form rest eventually. And take
those vitamins!"
They were dangerously close to being late when they reached
Furinkan High. Akane and Ranma groaned when they saw a figure standing
sentinel at the gate.
"Ranma Saotome! Is there no end to your perfidy? You have
ensnared yet another innocent maiden in the coils of your immeasurable lust!"
"Actually Roll isn't my fiancee, and doesn't want to be," said
Ranma quickly.
"Ah! Then is the winter of my discontent made glorious summer by
this azure-eyed daughter of Helios!"
"Huh?"
"He thinks you're pretty."
"Oh. Thank you, Mr.--"
"Kunou. Tatewaki Kunou, Blue Thunder of Furinkan High. I shall
allow you to d--"
"I'll talk to you later! Time for me to get to class!"
Thanks to Rolls's internal chronometer (just ignore the year)
they made it to their seats with a second to spare. The teacher was
favorably impressed.
"At last, a dedicated student!"
TO BE CONTINUED, of course.
SKJAM!
"Are you more amazed by how things change, or how they stay the same?"
from "75 Septembers"
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