RIDERS
by Scott K. Jamison
(Ranma 1/2 created by Rumiko Takahashi, Sliders by Tracy Torme. No
infringement intended.)
Part 2
(eerily blue-lit scene)
Announcer (v/o): On an all-new Urusei Files, agents Oniseijin and
Moroboshi investigate a case with a most unexpected suspect--their own
teacher!
(Mr. Onsen-mark wakes up in bed with an obviously-dead Sakura;
Lum and Ataru in conservative suits rushing through a door; Ataru being
strangled.)
Lum: Darrlinng!
Announcer: Coming up next on the Kitsune Network! Now, back to Riders!
(We rejoin our cast in the Tendou living room. Kasumi is tending
RanmaR's wounds. The two Ryougas stare at each other. TofuR and AkaneR
are watching TV.)
TofuR: Well, my boy, I haven't been able to spot the exact point of
divergence, but at some point, martial arts became far more of a passion
on this Earth than ours. The world, and particularly Japan, is filled
with martial artists of varying skill levels. They've developed many
bizarre new styles and fusions with other sports. There's Martial
Rhythmic Gymnastics, Martial Pairs Skating, Martial Tea Ceremony...
RanmaR: Great. So this entire world is filled with people who would
attack strangers on sight?
Kasumi: No, just you, Ranma. Your counterpart has had an...interesting
life.
Ryouga: The cowardly fool ran out on a fight with me! Because of him I
have seen hell! (etc. etc.)
(Akane, Nabiki and Soun enter.)
Kunou (off): Come live with me, and be my love, and we will--
(Akane slams the door shut.)
Akane: Ranma! What have you done this time? Kunou's out front
scattering roses and raving about my supposed defeat meaning he can date me.
AkaneR: Um, that seems to be my fault. He attacked me, and I, um, lost.
Kasumi: Akane, meet Akane from a parallel Earth.
AkaneR: Your Kunou seems to be a lot better fencer than the Dark Emperor.
Akane: Well, if you were the one that lost to Kunou, maybe you *should*
date the idiot.
AkaneR: No way! I love Ranma! (Hugs him.)
RanmaR: Owww...
(Flames erupt behind Akane.)
Akane: Rrannmaa...
AkaneR (hurriedly): Oh, this isn't your Ranma, he's my version, right honey?
RanmaR: R-right. Oww...
Kasumi: Father, where's Mr. Happosai?
Soun: Nabiki didn't have quite enough money to bail both of us out.
*chuckle* By the way, thank you, my beloved daughter.
Nabiki: De nada. Think of it as a loan.
(Soun bigsweats.)
(RyougaR has calmed Ryouga down a bit and whispers something to him.)
Ryouga: You're kidding! Shampoo likes that? I didn't know that was
physically possible. (gets a nosebleed)
RyougaR: Word, man. Look, my brother, don't tie yourself down to just
one woman. A man's happiest with some variety.
TofuR: Like that Kuonji woman who tried to cook you for dinner, eh, Mr.
Hibiki?
RyougaR: Okay, so not every woman is right for us.
Soun: I never thought I'd see the day when you were in the same room as
Kasumi and still coherent, Dr. Tofu.
TofuR: Professor, please. Believe me sir, it takes a sincere effort of
will. Your daughter is quite lovely.
Kasumi: Silly man. Akane, as long as we have all these guests, could
you get the extra table down from the attic?
Akane: Okay! (goes off.)
Kunou (off): But soft, it is the east, and the pig-tailed girl is *PUNT*
(Ranma-chan and Panda-Genma enter.)
Ranma-chan: I swear, Kunou gets more annoying every week. And didn't I
tell you that Hikaru chick was trouble? You should have figured she'd
get reinforcements.
(Genma holds up a sign: "I didn't think that Umi girl was a
threat. Where did all that water come from?")
(Ranma sees AkaneR cuddling RanmaR.)
Ranma-chan: What th--Akane! That's an imposter! Get away from him!
RanmaR: You know this girl, Akane?
AkaneR: Not a clue, Ranma.
(Ranma bigsweats.)
Ranma-chan: I'm Ranma! Remember Ranma, your fiancee who turns into a
girl? And since when do you wear black?
(Everyone laughs except Ranma.)
Ranma-chan: Dammit, what's so funny?
AkaneR: I'm not the Akane you're looking for. The one you want is
upstairs. We're your counterparts from a parallel Earth.
Ranma-chan: Oh. Well, that makes as much sense as anything else in my life.
RanmaR: So that's what I'd look like as a girl. She's pretty hot! Ow!
But I still love you best, Akane. Besides, it'd be incest or something.
Ranma-chan: You just said you--love Akane?
RanmaR: Sure! We may fight sometimes, but we both know we're the only
ones for each other.
(RanmaR and AkaneR kiss. Nabiki takes pictures. Ranma stands
frozen. Akane has come down the stairs and has readied the table to
clobber Ranma if he makes a snide remark.)
Ranma-chan: I-I think I see. Ryouga, I'm sorry, I know you have a thing
for her too, but from this day forward, I will strive to make my
relationship with Akane work!
(The table drops from Akane's hands. Genma faints. Soun bursts
into tears.)
Akane: Oh, Ranma!
Ranma-chan: (Puts "her" hands on Akane's shoulders.) Akane, I l-lu-l--
RanmaR: Try "like".
Ranma-chan: I like you, Akane!
Akane: And I like you too, Ranma. Now go change into a boy, okay?
AkaneR: Well, it's a start.
(Ranma heads for the kitchen. RyougaR comforts his weeping
counterpart.)
RyougaR: Plenty of other women, my brother. You'll see.
(Some quick scene changes. TofuR visits Dr. Tofu.)
TofuR: Remember, you simply must break through to your inner calm.
Kasumi is too great a prize to throw away.
(Both Ryougas and a Ranma visit Mousse.)
Mousse: You're serious? Shampoo will go for that?
RyougaR: Yep, she'll be like putty in your hands. And if you need a
topper, Ryouga, you should listen to this too--
(Akane demolishes Kunou in a "rematch".)
(RyougaR enters Ucchan's, sees Ukyou and runs away screaming.
Ukyou makes a "baka" gesture and resumes cooking.)
(The Akanes in the kitchen. Both their dishes catch fire
simultaneously.)
(Soun reading the paper. The headline is "Ancient Pervert Leads
Jailbreak.")
(The Ranmas in the dojo.)
Ranma: So you put out your left foot like this, feel the ki? and then
counterkick with your right.
(RanmaR tries this, falls on his face.)
Ranma: Again. But this time, more ki.
RanmaR: I really don't think I can master martial arts in one afternoon.
(tries again, fails but catches himself. Suddenly, he's doused
by water, and Happosai follows, glomming onto his chest.)
Happosai: Oh darling Ranma-chan, your soft mounds are my sole--(taps
RanmaR's ribs) Eh? How?
Ranma: You can worry about it on your way to the moon, old man!
(Happosai is dropkicked into orbit.)
Happosai: Curse you Ranma, and your cruelty to senior citizenssss!
(Shift to a nightclub where RyougaR sings. At one table, RanmaR
and AkaneR hold hands, Ranma and Akane are almost touching hands.)
(Daybreak the next morning. Almost everyone gathers by the pool.)
Ranma: Anyone seen Ryouga?
RyougaR: He left earlier, said he had some heavy thinking to do.
(Kasumi leads up Dr. Tofu.)
Kasumi: Father, Dr. Tofu has proposed!
Soun: That's terrific news!
TofuR: Don't ever let her go.
Tofu: The sky is such a lovely shade of Kasumi today, don't you think
so, blue?
AkaneR: I'll remember you, Kasumi. The big sister I never had.
Soun: I feel like I'm losing part of the family! (bursts into tears.)
RanmaR: Mr. Saotome, even though you're very little like my father was,
it's been good to meet you.
Genma: Science, eh? The Saotome School of Anything-Goes Physics,
perhaps. That has a ring to it.
(Cologne hops in.)
Genma: Ack! The hag!
Cologne: Shut up, fat boy. Ranma, you're off the hook.
Ranma(s): What?
Cologne: I don't know what you did, but Mousse finally got Shampoo's
attention. They haven't come out of his cellar cupboard since yesterday
noon.
Ranma: Hallelujah!
Cologne: I would have been happier with you as the groom. But we make
the best of things.
(She hops off.)
RanmaR: It's time, everyone!
(He pushes a button, and the blue hole appears.)
TofuR: Farewell! (Jumps through.)
RyougaR: Here's hoping it's not another world where karaoke is a capital
offense! (Jumps through.)
(RanmaR and AkaneR hug their counterparts, then switch off.
Ranma finds this disquieting.)
(Nabiki snaps more pictures.)
RanmaR: Take care of Akane.
AkaneR: Take care of Ranma.
Akane & Ranma: We will! Bye!
(RanmaR and AkaneR jump through, and the hole closes.)
Various: Goodbye! Farewell! See you! Sayonara!
Ranma: Y'know, I think that other Akane's breasts were just a bit bigger
than yours.
Akane: Ranma, you disgusting pervert!
Ranma: Uncute tomboy!
(They glare at each other a moment, then laugh. The collective
cast sighs in relief.)
(The Riders tumble out of the gate into what appears to be the
same yard they just left. RanmaR falls into the pond.)
Nabiki (off): Yeah, Dad! We're gonna make a bundle with our own
Jyuusenkyo pool in the backyard!
(RanmaR-chan emerges from the water. The other Riders make the
hand gesture.)
AkaneR: Nope, definitely not home....
THE END
Yep, it's a "resolve the relationships, sorta" story. But it's
traditional in Sliders fanfics for them to meddle in the lives of their
counterparts anyway :-)
Comments etc. as always appreciated.
I've decided to change the title of the Ranma and Kasumi project
to "Cursed and Otherwise", still going to be some months before it'll be
ready.
Got plenty of stories already written, you'll see them soon.
Also in the works are "Worse", a sorta-sequel to "Sequence", and
"Umbrella Boy" and "Neko-Philia" which feature respectively...well I'm
sure you can guess.
SKJAM!
"Her shoes were black, her stockings white, and her hair it shone like
silver"
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