Konnichiwa minna-san!! I am somewhat proud to hereby introduce you to a sample of my disturbed mind.... Anyway, this is a fanfic based on the anime series Yu Yu Hakusho. Yu Yu Hakusho is owned and created by Yoshihiro Yogashi. I just went and grabbed the characters to use in my own diabolical experiments. ^-^ That would make this plot and storyline mine. I make no claim in owning the original set of characters from Yu Yu Hakusho, BUT all characters from the Underworld (except for the basic concept of Koashura) and then some were created by me. ^.- Anyway, hope you enjoy this segment. It isn't done yet... What's here as of May 22, 2000 is only the first segment in Part One. Sorry, school kills. What can I say? I'll try to finish up the rest of this ASAP... ~Myew *^^* Notes: ***** [ ] signifies internal voices ( ) indicate character thoughts ->->->->-> signifies the start of flashbacks/dreams <-<-<-<-< signifies the end of flashbacks/dreams / / signifies telepathy/mental dialogue ^^ ***** -------------------- Part I: Dischord -------------------- "I gaze up into darkness and wonder what the light would bring, when all is lost for me and nothing means everything..." ~Myew -------------------- Light snaked seductively over the smooth, reflective curves of glimmering water. The faint impression of lushly crowned trees swayed waveringly in their depths before revealing the shallowness of their illusional divination. There was a dismal feel to the air as droplets of water wept across the rough edges of a path formed with graves. Puddles slowly rippled in time with a nonexistent wind as they sent haloed rings of silvery light skittering over the dark, ominous stones. "Ne..." whispered a dark figure dreamily, looking up to peer into devastatingly cold, sapphire eyes. "Can you feel it Anu-chan?" "...?" the other merely looked down at the slender form nestled in his arms and tugged at his lover's long, silky hair. "...hn." The long haired figure sighed, pouting. "You're no fun, Anu-chan..." "...something is happening..." murmured the husky voice grudgingly. "Yeah..." Violet eyes gleamed as full, sensuous lips twitched into a wicked smile of maniacal glee. "It feels like something significant is about to occur..." ------------------------------------ Part 1-1: Identifying Pretense ------------------------------------ (Hate me.... you all hate me...) Strands of dark chestnut hair, glinting cornsilk gold as the light hit it, slid limply between slender fingers as the despondent figure propped his face in his hands at his desk wearily. (Father hates me, mother hates me, George hates me... Botan... Yuusuke... everyone... *hates* me. They should hate me. They must hate me... Hatred is all I deserve.) Behind the safety of his hands, the teen's face twisted in dark despair. (What am I? Just what am I to justify my worthless existence? I can't do anything right... everything I try just comes out wrong... *They* all say so...) A tiny tremor ran through the fragile frame. (I...) Liquid gold glimmered faintly from behind the interlocked fingers. Lips twisted themselves into a savage, self-mocking smile. {I want them... to hate me... That way, they can't pity me...) His hands lost their firm resolve and dropped lifelessly to the desk as the young god leaned back in his chair with a soft groan. (I am so pathetic...) "Koenma-sama!!" rang out a clear, cheerful voice. The determined exuberance vibrating within the sentence was so intense, it bordered on false. (Botan...) Koenma slammed his thoughts back into their place-tightly sealed behind the dark abyss devouring his soul. Sure enough, a whirlwind of sky blue and pastel pink twirled into his spacious office and skidded to a stop before the straightening young god. "Koenma-sama!" Wind from the Spirit Guide's passage sent eddies of paper floating to the office floor. Which was covered with stacks of paper anyway. "Hai, Botan?" Koenma asked after a moment, allowing his modulated voice to squeak ever so slightly. "What-" He flinched back in startlement as Botan thrusted a moderate pile of silver sealed files at him. "Here!" she panted, "The first files from the recent battle in Pakistan and India!" She leaned against her oar for support, fanning herself wearily. "This one looks pretty bad, Koenma-sama!" "Oh man..." Koenma groaned, leafing through the stack. "*Another* fight? What is wrong with those two countries? I get at least a hundred deaths from them per day!" "Anou... Koenma-sama?" Botan cut in tentatively. "Ummh... hai?" "This time's battle wasn't an ordinary one..." She pointed at the open door to his office wordlessly. A flash of emotion flitted across the Spirit Guide's face. With a feeling of dread, Koenma leaned over his crowded desk to peer outside. He was, inevitably, presented with a scene of havoc. "OIII!! Place stack x385c over here!!" bellowed a red oni. "Aa, aa!! Hai!!" There was a furious scrabble of movement as dozens of oni struggled to position a considerable number of papers. In hundreds of stacks. "Geoffery!" shouted a green oni above the chaos. "Where do I put the Underworld orders for all these people?" The burly oni was staggering underneath an *enormous*, leaning tower of papers. "HORA! These too!! Where do I put these investigation requests?!!" a black oni yelled, arms bulging alarmingly from carrying a literal mountain of papers. "ARRRGH!!!" Geoffrey screamed in frustration. Koenma turned a startlingly shade of white. "Oh... no..." Botan grinned sympathetically. "Maa, taihen desu ne?" She jumped as the twitter of electronics suddenly jangled in the air. Reaching into the voluminous sleeves of her pink kimono, she pulled out her pager and peered at the message scrawling past on its small monitor. "NANI?!! A hundred more dead?! Oh no..." she glanced up at Koenma apologetically, "Gomen nasai Koenma-sama, I need to go... More spirits need to be transported. Jya na!" Whipping out her oar from her dimensional pocket, Botan threw herself on the handle and blasted off. "A... aa. Jya ne." Koenma stared silently at the continuing chaos outside his office. Another mess he had to handle. He sighed silently, absently schooling his face into an impassive and expressionless mask. (As heir to the Reikai it is my duty and responsibility to create Order from Chaos. My duty comes before all else. Everything not related to my work is secondary...) Koenma recited emptily in his mind. (Nothing will prevent me from completing my duty. Not stress, not exhaustion, not honor, not friendship, and not... love. If the exploitation of my emotions can result in completing my work, I will do it without hesitation. I am worth nothing...) Something deep inside Koenma's subconscious laughed unkindly. [That's true... you are nothing. No one will care about you; no one will remember you. All they will see is your position. You must maintain it... and make yourself its mere shadow. This is your duty-as heir to the Gate of Judgment.] The heavy depression that lived deep within Koenma's heart ascended to its surface as he stared at the ruckus outside. He couldn't really hear the noise. His senses registered the presence of noise, but they failed to actually hear it. All he could concentrate on was the utter silence in his mind. Dark. Heavy. Overwhelming... Unnoticed, his lips slowly moved in a silent, unconscious whisper. "I feel as if death is slipping through my hands," he murmured, closing his tormented eyes, "to taint everything I touch..." The voice inside his head sniggered. [When you fail to complete your duty, you lose control. You become tainted. And no matter what others have done, they don't deserve to be tainted. You know that, don't you...] "Koenma-sama?" queried Geoffrey. The head oni of warfare disasters suddenly appeared beside Koenma's desk. Koenma flickered open his eyes in startlement. Geoffrey frowned slightly. "Anou... is something wrong Koenma-sama?" [You know that don't you...] (I am lost and... hells, I am lonely... but-) "Iie," Koenma answered, waved blithely. His attractive face twisted in annoyance. "Kami-sama... why do I have to deal with all this junk everyday?!" His exasperated voice quickly transformed into a complaining whine. Geoffrey let out a snort. "Heh heh..." He rolled his eyes. (Same ol' Koenma-sama...) "Maa, what do I do about-" [That's right. Do your duty Koenma-*sama*...] (Ever since that time, all the wrongs left unright... they turned to voices in my head....) A young god stared sightlessly at the air before him, ignoring the curling wisps of morbid flame snaking around his body. Absently, he bent his hand into a loose fist. (I question how, but I wonder why... I don't think it's my fault.) He twitched minutely, his head starting to ache again. (And the voices... they grow, they unfurl... they scream inside my head... God, it _hurts_.) [...kill...kill...kill...] (I used to ignore them, but it's getting harder. I... no longer have control...) The godling wavered unsteadily for a brief second, pain crossing his teen features with the fleetness of dissolving snow. [kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill] He steadied himself quickly. His lapse in control went unnoticed by his observers. (I no longer have control... I've lost it a long time ago...) [kill kill kill kill kill kill kill kill] Blood-red eyes came into focus, honing in on the cowering humans before them. Slit pupils regarded them with a maniacal intensity. Sensuous lips creased in a small, unnerving smile. "You have been found guilty..." [Kill Kill Kill Kill Kill Kill Kill Kill] "...of refusing to fulfill your sentence and committing the crime of escape. In the name of Ashura, Lord of the First Level of the Underworld..." (No, they're the ones who have control... They give the orders in my head...) [Kill Kill Kill Kill Kill Kill Kill Kill] "I, Koashura, Heir to the First Level of the Underworld..." A malicious smirk formed upon Koashura's lips. The taste of fear drenched the air around him. The pitiful escapees were trembling uncontrollably in the mud before him, whimpering. Koashura could make out an occasional stuttered whine of mercy. But there would be no mercy for them. [KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL] (All the voices screaming at me deep within... they won't spare you. They give no mercy... and they tell me what to do... I can't deny their wishes, no I can't... I can't stop them anymore...) "...hereby condemn you to death. Your sentence," Koashura said with a delicate pause, "is the complete eradication of your souls." A raging snarl of fire exploded into existence around Koashura and surged mercilessly to devour all in its path. The humans suddenly found their voices as the inferno touched their skin and started shrieking. The high-pitched wails of stricken terror blended with the crackling laughter of violet-black flame with discordant harmony. The leather clad godling sighed blissfully. Long strands of red-violet hair fluttered around Koashura gently, blending in with the fire swirling lazily around the young god's slender, lean body. (I've stopped fighting and I've done what they want me to... they've stopped screaming...) [Burning... everything... let it burn.] A myriad of uncontrollable emotions burned in Koashura's mind. They hurt, but they didn't cause him pain. They confused, but they didn't deter him from what he had to do. They controlled, but they didn't take what he hadn't lost already. (I had nothing from the start; I knew that... maybe that's why I didn't fight them...) [Burn everything. Burn it burn it burn it burn...] (And now they're laughing with me instead.) Lord Ashura couldn't help wincing as he watched the enormous gout of dark flame slowly incinerate the fugitive humans inch by agonizing inch. He had come across many blood-chilling screams in his time, but these shrieks had to take the cake. As it was, every time he came to observe his son inflict dire punishment upon the repeated offenders in their territory, he seemed to find a new definition for the meaning of pain and suffering. "Uh... son?" he asked cautiously, mildly unnerved by the dark laughter shining in the crimson eyes. "Don't you think this is... going a bit overboard?" Lord Ashura involuntarily took a step back at the unholy glee gleaming in the young god's eyes. "Father, this is Hell. Nothing anyone does is ever overboard." The amusement in his voice was plain. "But, if such severity disturbs you..." With a casual flick of his wrist, Koashura obliterated the dematerializing forms locked in his flames. "Then I will carry out their sentence with no further dalliance." Frowning, the scarlet-haired god looked at his expressionless child. "It isn't that... are you alright?" (What happened to the endearing, albeit conceited, child of mine?) "What do you mean by that?" the teen scowled, tilting his head. Strands of flaring red-violet fell across the kohl-rimmed, feline eyes. The dark vermilion shades of red shimmering in those unreflective, slit- pupil orbs were disturbingly reminiscent of blood. "I'm am very capable of handling my duties as Heir." "No, I..." Lord Ashura said softly, "was just worried about you. How have you been feeling lately?" "...fine," Koashura finally answered gruffly. A short silence. The arid winds of the terrain lazily snatched at the scant ashes that signified the remains of the executed humans. "Thank you for asking," Koashura added softly, posture altering dramatically. A melancholy silence fell over his features. Lord Ashura swore he caught a glimpse of agonizing pain lurking deep within the now impassive eyes. "Koashura?" asked his father in concern. His eyes narrowed as he watched a dark smile form on Koashura's lips. "Don't worry about me... father." Koashura sketched his father a half bow before walking off towards his next assignment. [Burn. Burn it all.]