"Secrets (Admirer’s) Play"
By Yui Miyamoto

I went into the jungle of a cafeteria and luckily came out alive with what I wanted. Instead of going to the library, I went out to the back of the school [to eat] while reading [a book] I was engrossed in.

The green field was great. People were playing off in a distance. Whack! [A] soccer ball hit me on the forehead! As I laid on the grass with qualm and [dizziness,] I heard a girl run over to me. She tapped me.

"Are you all right?" She looked at me and put up one of her fingers. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Three," I answered as I got up while holding [my] head.

"I’m SO SORRY!" She took my hand. "C’mon, let’s go to the nurse’s office."

"Oh, leave [him] alone, Otonahi!" A girl shouted. "Why are you taking care of [him]?!"

"I have to! I hurt him!"

She pulled me up and we walked to the nurse’s office.

"You don’t have to go to all this trouble," I protested. "Thanks for helping, but you can go back to your game."

She shook her head worriedly. "I did [this,] so I need to."

When we went into the nurse’s office, she left and I was [choked] up. I laid down on the bed for a few minutes when someone came in.

They pulled my curtain and I heard, "You sure you’re all right?"

I opened my eyes. "You’re back?"

"Course I am. You don’t expect me to leave without knowing your name."

"It’s Haruhiko Kowai."

"I’m Kirei Otonaashi." She took a sip from her juice and handed it over to me. "Please drink this."

I blushed. "It’s-"

She insists and places it into my hand. "Drink."

I drank it and blushed red. An indirect kiss?

She patted my injured forehead. "I’ll go now. Bye, Kowai."

Why’d she even introduce herself? Everyone in this entire school knows her. Not only is she an honor student, she’s student body president and one of the school’s best soccer players.

You’d think she was just a cute face with her dark eyes that looked like they were purple. Her [hair] was jet black and really long.

Wheat I couldn’t understand is that she was good, like this. She [never told] you what she has done, you’d find out later from talking to others. She isn’t shy and quiet, but she isn’t snobby either. Of course, this is my own opinion because people have mixed feelings over her. It’s either you truly like her, or really [don’t.]

I actually thought she’d treat me badly because I was a sophomore, an underclassman.

A nerdy underclassman. I have glasses that are really thick and a pocket protector because I read and write notes anytime, anywhere. I love to stick my face in a book instead of participating in sports. I could care less about being popular.

I mean, all her friends treat me like scum.

"It’s that day, isn’t it?" My older brother teased as we walked home together.

"The first of the month, is it?" I pretended like I wasn’t interested.

"You’re such a lousy faker. You’re smiling so badly, it’s scary." He walked on putting his arms up with his hands behind his head once more in frustration. "What I don’t understand is that YOU get this kind of attention. How about me? I’m [kind], a hunk and athletic. There must be something wrong with her if she likes you."

"You’re so humble, as usual." I slapped the back of his head and we both laughed.

As we approached our house, I began to blush. My parents told me to stop this and I wrote her and everything but she wouldn’t stop.

We passed the gate and checked the mail holder built into the entrance’s wall. I took out a book with a note saying, "I hope you like the book. Sources said you liked him."

My favorite author!

"Lucky brother! Your secret admirer always gives you these gifts. Not one or two and they aren’t cheap things, but this has been going on for exactly a year now."

My brother and I buried ourselves in our rooms and did our homework. Well, it was more of me thinking and him writing (the opposite of our everyday schedules).

"So, I heard you were talking to Kirei Otonashi," my brother casually [slipped] in.

"She socked me with her soccer ball."

"And she asked if you were all right?"

"Yeah."

"Typical girl...but she wouldn’t make that thoughtless kick for nothing."

I looked at him. "It was purely by accident. She apologized and everything. She even helped in the nurse’s office."

He looked at me in a funny manner. "You’re one lucky nerd."

"Akira, I’m sick of the ‘lucky nerd’ [comments."] I began to start [writing] my homework. "What would a girl like her need to be nice to me anyway? Only if she totally did something wrong. Besides, just because [she] seems be perfect doesn’t mean she is. Otonashi’s human, you know."

"I don’t know, Haruhiko. I’m her classmate. I’ve watched her. The only ‘mistakes’ she truly makes are when she hasn’t thought out the situation [thoroughly]."

After school the next day, I went to the school’s large, tall building of a library. I went to one corner and began reading. Unless you looked around, you wouldn’t find me.

"Just be sure you remember to go home," a voice said and [laughed.]

I looked up. "Do I look that interested in it."

"Let’s put it this way. I walked towards you waving and saying ['hi'] seven times."

"Sorry, Otonashi."

"Oh, that’s nothing. What book are you reading?"

"It’s called ‘Missing.’"

"The new book by Yui Miyamoto?! How did you get it?! It was already sold out when I wanted to reserve a copy!"

That’s how we started hanging out in the library’s hidden corner and exchanging books while talking and reading to one another.

Then, two weeks later, I was passing through my brother’s class during lunch....

I went into the classroom and said that I wouldn’t go home with him because I needed to [to go] my favorite bookstore.

As I passed by Otonashi, I said hi. Her friends were talking to her. She totally ignored me. When I walked away calmly, I heard one say, "The dorky sophomore said ['hi'] to you as if you guys were familiar to one another."

I turned around to hear her response. She answered (Not knowing I was still at the door), "He’s nobody."

Again, I passed by her and her friends walking out of school as they pointed and joked around about me.

When I got home, I found laminated cards of anime shows I really enjoyed. She wrote, "Look closely."

I flipped through the fourteen cards over and over but I didn’t understand. They [didn’t] seem as if they were associated to one another.

A week later and not going to the library (or decoding the message from my admirer), I passed by her in a hallway when I was walking to the teacher’s lounge.

She took a hold of my arm firmly, "Why are you avoiding me?"

"Because you hurt me." I snapped my arm away. "Just because I look like this or have a personality totally different from yours doesn’t mean I don’t have feelings."

We turned around to face one another. With anger in our eyes, we stared at each other.

A crowd began to form because I snapped back at ‘Ms. Popularity’.

"Look, Kowai, I don’t know [how] I’ve offended you."

"No. You know and you look."

There was an awe in the crowd.

"I thought you had everything, Otonashi." I huffed sarcastically. "You’re just as shallow as your bubbly friends."

I pushed away from her. She grabbed me and slapped me across the face.

From that point, everything felt like it was slow motion. My glasses crashed to the ground. Because she slapped me so hard, pens from my pocket flew out. I couldn’t see anything because everything was so blurry, but I heard a girl whisper, "Gosh, he’s so cute without his glasses!"

But what I could see was close to me. Otonashi had tears in her eyes.

As she ran out, I followed her into the library we hung out in [after several] people picked my stuff up and handed them to me.

She sat in my usual corner crying.

"Why did you slap me?"

Otanashi looked up. "Do you think I would have been good to you for nothing?"

"No. So what did you want?"

"I’m..." She got up, stopped crying and tried to be her calm, collected self. "I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to deny you. I’m not embarrassed about you! Never! I’m embarrassed about me.

"That I’m-"

She placed her hands on my shoulders and continued to ramble on. "That [everything] was supposed to be only between us. I wouldn’t throw myself at you-"

‘Throw yourself at me?" I looked at her incredulously.

"The books, the letters, the things I gave were given with true sincerity-"

"YOU’RE MY SECRET ADMIRER?!"

Then, [I] began to laugh and she let go of me. "Oh, that’s funny! How did you know she sent me stuff? No, tell me the truth. Akira told you, am I right?"

"I AM!" She screamed with her fists clenched in fury.

"You’re just [lying. You] could never be as deep as that girl." I began to walk away when she caught my arm. In a whisper, she said softly:

"You would never guess
It was me.
So I never wrote my name
Knowing you’d reject me.
The only reason
I’m sending you things
is not only to like you
And research on knowing about you,
but for you
To like me
Without a face,
The true me,
In a single voice.
-First [letter]/poem sent January first of your freshman year."

She eased her grip. I couldn’t turn around. I was mortified especially about the "You could never be as that girl" comment. "You memorized it. I never even showed my brother that poem letter."

I turned around. I didn’t know what else to say except, "I’m very flattered."

"You treated me like a human being and talked with me intelligently. I watched many people and you didn’t care about me. So I thought, ‘I like him.’ But when I was going to approach you in person, your brother told [me that] my ‘influence’ [wouldn’t] work on you as with other people." After a long silence, she said, "I’m sorry about the classroom incident; I thought it would be better for me to reject you first before you rejected me once I told you."

"Why would I reject you? And why would you care about it so much? There are millions of guys who would want to have you."

"Ah, but I don’t want the millions."

A few weeks later...

"She always takes so long coming out of the classroom." I complained and rubbed my hands. "It’s so cold. I’m already wearing a coat and mittens!"

"I’m here! What did you want to talk to me about?" She stood there curiously watching me as I was leaning on the school entrance’s wall.

People watched us as they left. I heard things like: "She’s with him?" [and] "Weren’t they screaming at each other a few weeks ago?"

When I bent down to tie my laces, my [glasses] slipped off. Kirei bent down and placed them back my face. I cleared my throat as we both [stood] up.

"Did you see that? Isn’t he cute?! I told you!" a girl commented as we walked out of the school and [onto the] sidewalk. As we did so, I placed one hand in my pocket and reached out for hers with the other. With a sideways glance, I found her red and smiling.

"Oh. So that’s what you wanted to tell me."

"I did it better than you did," I joked. "I said without words or spending money."

"If you want to return all the stuff, I’ll be glad to accept them. It’s fine."

"I didn’t say that."

Then, I started thinking about the cards. I finally knew what they meant while I was thinking about my answer to her today. Each one had a single character on it doing something very stupid or with finesse. Out of fourteen, seven were male and seven were female.

She was giving me a story about my personality and hers coming together...

...If I let them.

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