David's Tour of Laos and Thailand

Laos, Tuesday, 24th of Jan 2000.

It has gone seven thirty in the morning and I am sat on the terrace for the last time at Lao Pako. The early morning sun is only touching some parts of the surroundings. Where it touches the river, small waves of steam have been created that flee away from the sun. A haze also seems to have risen among the trees, which I suspect will melt away soon.

I slept well last night, going to bed early at about eight o'clock. I slept soundly until about three in the morning and then fitfully for the remainder of the time.

Today will be my return to Vientiane where I can re-connect myself with the outside world. Possible no one will have sent me any Emails, and I will feel just as remote as I do in Lao Pako.

Yesterday after penning my journal, I sat in the sun reading. The other guests moving around and tending to their breakfast. A while later the English lad, he was about the same age as I was, with the Danish girlfriend approached to swap some chitchat about the previous day's experiences. He was interested in the nature trail and village on the far side of the river. He offered me a place on a canoe. (The day earlier when I talked to the 'European' man and was dissuaded from going alone, I had said I would wait till the next morning to see if others were interested. The English lad had been right next to us and even if he did not want to hear our conversation had no choice.) I was happy to accept since I wanted to feel I had seen all there was to see. We made loose arrangements to meet later, I stressing I was at their disposal and very relaxed about the time.

A group of five left before us on a large canoe. I watched them paddle across awkwardly in the current. They were unfamiliar with its trim and momentum. Like all learners they reacted too late not knowing the boat would skew as they tried to turn. I also saw they had a lot of paddles and hoped they had not taken them all. I went to the place where they were stored and saw only two were left.

Later, as I sat, the English/Danish couple came over each holding one of the two remaining paddles. If the Danish girl was adventurous as me, and she was no demure girl, I was sure she would want a go at paddling. So, I causally, said she should have a go crossing, while I would paddle back. It was the English lad's expedition, so no question he would paddle both ways, which was to my envy.

The paddle across was uneventful. The Danish girl's arms tired a lot and she changed sides a lot. The English lad steered at the back, faired well, but I guess was not familiar with making course adjustments early. No capsizes and we moored successfully.

On the far bank we split our party up. They wanted to go to a small village to see if there was anywhere to get a cheap meal. They thought that the resort was a little overpriced because of the captive guests.

~~~ Through the magic of writing, I have been transported in space and time. I am sat in a hotel in Vientiane and it is three-thirty in the afternoon. My feelings are rather mixed in a strange cocktail of guilt, sadness, self-reproach and garnished with a big red cherry of fear.

Before resuming my tale of yesterday, I better explain the moment's feelings. Earlier I checked my Email and found a sad Email from my fiance. It sounded full of loneliness and possible confusing about my feelings towards her. Considering my decision to come to Laos by myself it looks like I have abandoned her. Of course, why have I come here alone? Do I not want to be with her? Do I want to play around and feel she will make things boring? NO to all, but I feel it must be how it appears to her. For this reason, I feel it is best to return to Taiwan. That reason is split between recommitting my love to her and the fact my vacation is a failure to what I feel was my real secret agenda.

What was my secret agenda? Drugs, sex and rock-n-roll. No, but nearly. I wanted to be part of and feel the excitement, adventure of travel I had seen other, of felt others, experience. The movie style picture of the masculine, strong jawed, handsome man travelling in remote places, communing with the world around him. The way he wins admiration, he is always at easy with his surroundings, and he is always self-confident. I am none of the above, I remain the insecure, worried, confidence lacking person I have always been, no matter how much I have wanted to break through.

When I moved slowly from Bangkok, to Nong Khai, to Vientiane, to Lao Pako, and back to Vientiane, I thought my age had made me slow. I changed my mind, when I saw so many people, many much older than me, move about with ease. I moved around slowly because the fetters of my insecurity weighed me down.

Returning to Taiwan will help repair the pain I have given Marrion and I will admit my defeat. Throw in my towel and retire my backpack. Possible, I will have to embrace the fact I was born a tourist, fated and suited to seeing the world through package tours.

Now it is time to return to the past. ~~~

I decided to first take the nature walk and possible meet up with the English lad and his girlfriend at the village.

The nature walk was uneventful, but I took interest in the resorts guidebook's descriptions. The flora was nice, but in a way I could have been any subtropical forest. There was little in the way of fauna to look at. I could hear bird calls and some pretty butterflies flew past. Also there were plenty of insects; flies, mosquitoes and ants. I took some time to watch a line of ants crossing a fallen log. I always enjoyed nature programs about ants, so watched with interest.

The trail did not take long to complete and I followed the path to the village. The village was very untouched. It did not seem to have a road for trucks or vans and I did not see any motorbikes or scooters. Women tended to chores and chickens ran around freely.

I found the English/Danish couple under a shack waiting for their meal. They each had a bowl of instant noodles and were waiting for some hot water. I ordered a rather sweet soda drink and two savory treats wrapped in leaves. At first sight, I thought the leaf parcels were parcels of rice with meat centers, a dish that is popular in Taiwan. I started to open one of a pair the owner gave me. It turned into a Russian Doll search for what was inside. I seemed to unfold leaf after leaf until I got to a 'Two-penny chew' sized piece of processed meat. Having gone too far to back down I ate the morsel, which was slightly slimy, salty and garlicky.

Thursday, 27th of Jan 2000.

It's about three in the afternoon and I have done another shift in time and place. I am in Wattay airport, Vientiane waiting for my flight to Bangkok. I now have the big task of writing the past three to four days.

Let's see if I can first finish my last piece. After sitting a while and finishing our respective meals, I decided to head back to the spot our canoe was moored. The couple was going to explore the village a little more then retrace my steps along the nature walk. When I got to the canoe, I would find a place to sit and read.

At the canoe, I sat, read and slapped at the mosquitos that flew around me. I was not quite in the shade, so I burnt my legs. The couple tool rather longer than anticipated because they tool the wrong turning and wasted half an hour.

Paddling back in the canoe, I sat in the front. The current was in our favor, so it was an easy task. Back at the resort, it was time to rest and get some shade.

The evening was a simple time. I had something to eat. I choose to be alone even thought the couple looked like they might keep me company, but I felt that would make me feel like a third wheel.

When I had finished my meal, I sat outside in the open. The sun had set before I ordered my meal, so it was pitch black. The moon was not up, the night sky clear of clouds, and there was not any city light, this all made for a great opportunity to drink some beer and gaze at the stars. It was a great sight, as with all great sights it was too big for anything but staring at one small patch. I lasted a good while, but in the end tired of the splendor and went to bed.

The following morning, I got up early. It was my intention to take a riverboat at about ten o'clock to a village where I could catch the bus back to Vientiane. As I sat writing and eating breakfast, a middle-aged German woman I had seen each morning, writing, and briefly chatted with, asked me about my travel plans. As it happened, she had the same plan, so we opted to share a riverboat. At the same time, another guest who had arrived the day before inquired if we would be interested in sharing a taxi he had booked. The fare was twenty dollars. I thought it was not bad, but the German woman, Angelica, wanted to keep her expenditure down. Since I had already agreed to travel with her, I stayed with her. The man, Matthew, was not upset and since he was leaving at nine o'clock, I would have more time to write.

Well, Angelica must have had second thoughts, and later asked me if we might change if he would accept a share about the same price as the bus ticket. I thought we should pay a little bit more, the bus ticket was only a few cents in US money and his taxi fare was twenty US dollars. As Angelica tried to decide how much she could afford, I gave Mathew ten dollars, and asked Angelica to cover my share of the boat trip.

To meet the new time of nine o'clock meant I had to stop my writing, pack my gear and settle my resort bill. Once ready, we all set off, and as with my arrival to the resort I found the boat trip very enjoyable. The long slender boat, with its low gunwale, always seemed on the verge of turning over or taking on water, but I am sure the ferryman did not have any worries.

Our taxi was an old Toyota Carola, I thought about all the old cars in Laos and imagine it as the hand-me-down car nation. I also wondered how many old and classic cars were in Laos, and if foreign entrepreneurs came to Laos to hunt them out, restore them and ship them back home.

Saturday, 29th of Jan 2000.

It looks like I am fated to finish my journal in bits over the next week. It is eight-thirty in the morning, and I have just ordered my breakfast. I will have to check out just after ten and then make my way to the airport. It is time to return to Taiwan.

First back to the taxi. I sat in the back with Angelica, Matthew in the front. Since there was no air-conditioning, Matthew and the driver had wound their door windows down giving us in the back the better advantage to enjoy road dust.

Matthew, English, turned out to be an importer of Indian antiques which he sold in a shop in London. A self-employed man he regularly visited the north of India looking for furniture and decorations to ship back to England. On his yearly trips he would added on a couple of months to go sightseeing. From his luggage and use of a taxi he did not plan to do his travelling too cheaply. He preferred to keep his life comfortable and not suffer, but he did not plan to stay in expensive hotels when a cheaper one offered all the amenities and cleanliness he desired.

Angelica, German, was the opposite. She was a state primary teacher who had decided to take a year out. With permission from her school, she had taken a leave of absence, sold or given away her processions and come to Asia. Northern India, Nepal, Indonesia, Thailand and Laos had so far used up six months of her time off, and she felt like stretching her one-year to two.

At Lao Pako, I had seen her each morning, eating her breakfast and writing. She had stayed a whole week, so she could concentrate on writing in the peace and quite. She had lived a fugal existence and over stretched the money she had on her. She had even arranged to meet one of the resort's managers in Vientiane to pay part of her bill, once she had drawn some money from a bank. Because of that, she only wanted to pay a little bit more than the cost of a bus to Matthew for the taxi.

They were both consummate travelers, going at the pace that suited their styles and without a worry. They listed off places to each other and compared opinions. I listened and realized I was a breed apart. I had probed at different parts of the world to see how much discomfort I could withstand. I felt they ploughed through places in search of the whole essence of a county. Angelica was doing her exploration in one fell swoop and Matthew through a decade of chipping away large chunks.

At Vientiane, we split up, well not exactly, as like all things we were fated to bump into each other. Angelica went straight to a bank, the taxi stopped next for Matthew, but I liked the look of his hotel, so I stayed there too.