Act II-Scene One:

Xellos- By L-Sama, is this day ever idle! Is there nothing that can entertain this poor Makozu? {Xellos leans against a tree and sighs. Suddenly he detects the distinctive sound of explosions in the distance.}

Xellos- Hmm...that sounds promising! {Xellos smirks before he teleports himself to the scene of the disturbance. Enter Rezo and Naga who are throwing various spells at one another.}

Naga- How naive you are my Rezo, to think that you could keep me, Naga-Naga the White Serpent, from going to Zoina! {Naga tips her head backwards and lets outs a hideous laugh. Rezo doubles over and claps his hands over his ears.}

Rezo- Curse you and that sickening chortle of yours! I’m already blind...I don’t need to be deaf as well! I command you to stop this foolishness this instant!

Naga- Ah Hah Hahaa! How can I stop laughing when you are telling me such amusing jokes?

Rezo- Joking am I? If that is what you are thinking, then you are sorely mistaken! {Rezo launches a Fireball at Naga, which she dodges quite easily.}

Naga- You can try all you like my Rezo, but you cannot keep me from attending Lina’s Wedding! {Naga throws an Icicle Lance at Rezo and he bats it away with his staff. Meanwhile Xellos is perched in a tree watching the spectacle, unnoticed by the hostile couple.}

Rezo- I beg to differ with you Lady Naga! I cannot and will not allow for you to go and advocate the marriage of my only grandchild/great-grandchild and that quarrelsome sorceress! Besides you weren’t invited....

Naga- Such fancy words cannot keep me from the sweet wedding reception that Lina is sure to have planned! I the Great Naga, the most powerful, beautiful, and talented of all of Lina’s rivals will not stand for it! {Naga casts Zelas Gort on Rezo and the Red Priest is entangled by the tentacles of a giant jellyfish. Naga exits, laughing all the way.}

Rezo- Zelas Gort? Of all the spells she could use against me she chooses this? Figures...{Rezo struggles with the creature briefly before blasting it to oblivion, then shakes his head.} Whatever possessed me to wed that hyena of a woman in the first place?

Xellos- ...Well that’s what happens when you play one of those drinking games! You either end up losing all your cash or married to some woman you don’t even know! {Xellos somersaults out of the tree and lands square in front of Rezo.}

Rezo- Nice landing Xellos. How would you like to help me teach my dear Lady Naga a lesson?

Xellos- What exactly do you have in mind?

Rezo- Lend me an ear and I’ll tell you... {Rezo whispers into Xellos’s ear and the trickster priest instantly dons a devilish grin.}

Xellos- Excellent idea! I’ll be back with that herb before you can say ‘Sore wa himistu desu!’ {Xellos disappears.}

Rezo- Have fun Xellos! But who is that I hear coming this way? {Rezo conceals himself behind rotted tree trunk. Enter Zelgadis and Amelia.}

Zelgadis- Good Grief Amelia! Didn’t I tell you that I didn’t want you following me like some lost puppy? I can find Lina and Gourry on my own.

Amelia- Why do you have to be so mean to me, Mr. Zelgadis? I’m only trying to...

Zelgadis- What? Help me? Trust me Amelia your help I can do without! Why don’t you just turn around and go back to Zoina? {Zelgadis exits.}

Amelia- Hey!! Wait up Mr. Zelgadis! {Amelia exits. Rezo emerges from his hiding spot and is smiling to himself. Re-enter Xellos.}

Xellos- I’m back and I found that ‘Love in Idleness’ herb for you! Just give the word and I’ll...

Rezo- Hold still for a moment!{Whacks Xellos over the head with his staff.} You see I have changed the plan...You and I will both take some of the magic herbs, but I will tend Naga!

Xellos- ...And what of me my Lord?

Rezo- You shall help ‘convince’ my grandson/great-grandson to break off his engagement to Lina and marry that nice young lady with him!

Xellos- An even better idea Lord Rezo! I think I shall be off now...Farewell! {Xellos exits.}

Rezo- Now to find that imbecile of a wife of mine.... {Rezo exits.}

Act II Scene Two

Naga- Let’s see{holding a poorly drawn map; confused.}...if the sun rises in the East and sets in the North than that’s gotta be {Points to her left.} West! Just you wait Lina Inverse, I shall be at your little celebration soon! Haha Ahh Ha Ha! {Naga’s pixies all facefault.}

Pippi- Uhmm...Lady Naga?

Naga-What is it Mome?

Pippi- Uh...I’m Pippi and I think we’re lost...

Naga- All of you pixies look alike so what’s the difference? Anyway we are not lost!

Minii- Sure we’re not! That’s why we’ve lapped that fallen log ten times already and everybody knows that sun sets in the west...

Mome-...And you’re holding the map that you drew upside down too! {Naga crumples up the map and hits the pixies with it.}

Naga- The Mighty Naga is never lost! But I think we shall stop for the night. You pixies set up the campsite and Cass, bring me my flask!

Cass- Right away Lady Naga! {The pixies set up camp. Naga empties the flask of mead and she and her assistants are quickly asleep. Enter Rezo.}

Rezo- At last I’ve found you, my dearest Naga. But I ‘m afraid you’ll more concerned with the poor unfortunate soul who crosses your path when you wake, than you’ll be about getting to Zoina! I should hope that who ever it is... that he will the most loathsome thing you’ve yet laid eyes on! {Rezo takes some of the herb and smears it on Naga’s eyes, then leaves. Enter Lina and Gourry.}

Lina- Quit struggling Gourry!{Lina is still towing the tall blonde by the collar.}...And we could cover alot more ground if you weren’t dragging your heels like that!

Gourry- But Lina Don’t you think marrying me is a bit extreme? I mean isn’t there some other way of... {Lina gets Gourry into a headlock.}

Lina- For the last time jellyfish-for-brains this is not a real elopement! We’re only pretending to get married so Zel can persuade my sister to break off the engagement! Get it?

Gourry- I think so, but are you saying Zelgadis doesn’t really want to marry you?

Lina- Yeah, I quess I am. I mean if Zel was really interested in me I ‘d know...besides Luna’s the one that set this thing up, so something’s gotta be fishy! Gourry? {Lina looks over her to her right and finds Gourry asleep. Lina shrugs her shoulders and just lies down next to him and soon she too is out like a light. Enter Xellos who has been conveniently eavesdropping on the two.}

Xellos- So she’s trying to fake an elopement with Gourry...how interesting! Well I think if she wants her little ruse to succeed it would probably be alot more convincing to the others if he acted like as he was in love with her...hmm? {Xellos anoints Gourry’s eyes with enchanted herb and exits. Enter Amelia.}

Amelia- Where are you Mr. Zelgadis? Why do you always have to run off like that? {Sees Lina and Gourry snoozing}Miss Lina? Mr. Gourry? {Walks over to Gourry and tries to wake him} Mr. Gourry please wake up! I need you to help me find Mr. Zelgadis! {Gourry wakes and stares at Amelia strangely.}

Gourry- Who is this beautiful angel that awakens me from sleep? Ah! It is the lovely Princess Amelia!

Amelia-{Sweatdrops}Mr. Gourry...are you...feeling...alright?

Gourry- Now that you are here with me, I feel as if I could bear any burden this world could issue!

Amelia- Uhhh...On second thought I think I can find Mr. Zelgadis by myself after all! Say Hi to Miss Lina for me! Bye! {Amelia hightails it out of there.}

Gourry-Run all you like fair one, but I will pursue you till the ends of the Earth! {Gourry runs after Amelia. Lina wakes and finds Gourry gone.}

Lina- Gourry? GOURRY? Where the hell did that moron walk off to now? {Lina wanders off into the woods looking for him.}