ONE-LINERS OF WISDOM

A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.

She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the June Flower.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be

misquoted,

then

used against you.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so

popular?

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people

appear

bright until you hear them speak?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

If it's zero degrees outside today, and it's supposed to be twice as

cold

tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery

is

dead?

Why are they called "buildings," when they're already finished?

Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them

what

time

it is?

Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?

Why does sour cream have an expiration date?

Who is General Failure, and why is he reading my disk?

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they

already

know you don't have?

Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?

Why is the alphabet in that order?

If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is

expanding, what is it expanding into?

If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to see it, do the

other

trees make fun of it?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

When two airplanes almost collide, why do they call it a near miss??

It

sounds like a near hit to me!!

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge

of

everything outdoors?

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

Why is it that when a door is open, it's ajar-but when a jar is open,

it's not

adoor?

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?

Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and

apes?

Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?

Do married people live longer than single people do, or does it just

SEEM

longer?

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they

all

still

working?

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Isn't the best way to save face, to keep the lower part shut?

War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left.

Max McFadden

Blue Heron Farm in slower,lower Delaware

302-856-3324

mcfadden@dca.net

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