We were discussing our opinions about child abuse in Spanish class, and I got this strange, yet sad idea... So yes, there is some mentioning of abuse, nothing really serious. Nothing sexually explicit here, but for the abuse, I'd say this is rated PG-13. I'll let you guess who our main character is, but you can probably figure it out from the beginning.
This takes place a year after everything. So the guys are 17. It might be considered AU or AT, but I tried to fit it into the original storyline as much as possible. Slightly OOC, but that's to be expected. After all, this does take place after the war, so maybe they all mellowed out a bit.
WARNINGS: Angst, sap, shonen ai, 2x1, 4x3. A bit of Odin Lowe bashing, so he's definitely OOC. Hell, so is everyone else.

Oh yeah, and all characters belong to their original owners, blah blah blah, disclaimers and that kind of crap apply, yada, yada...

A Crushed Angel's Spirit

By: Top Ace

Answer me and take your time,
what could be the awful crime he could do at so young an age?
If I'm the only witness to your madness
offer me some words to balance out what I see and what I hear.
All these cold and rude things that you do
I suppose you do because he belongs to you
and instead of love, the feel of warmth
you've given him these cuts and sores won't heal with time or age.

         -What's The Matter Here?, 10,000 Maniacs (with Natalie Merchant)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He never had a chance. He never had a chance to be a real kid, to enjoy life. For 16 years of his life, all he knew was the mission, and to fight. And grave consequences were given if he failed a mission.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You failed. Come here."

A boy, his head bowed low, walked towards a man. The man raised a hand and smacked him in the face, leaving a red mark on the boy's face.

"Have you learned your lesson?"
"Yes Odin."
"Call me father."
"Yes father."
"Good. Now go train some more."

But the boy knew that the man wasn't his real father. Parents don't treat their kids this way, right?

But time passed, and the abuse only got worse. Bones were broken, and his lower back became criscrossed with lashes. Black eyes and bruises were the norm. He never had a chance.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Oi, Heero!"

It had been a year after the war. There was peace, and the five gundam pilots had found it hard to separate after the fighting was over.

"Hn."

Two months ago, they all moved into a big house on L4, and they all helped with Quatre's buisness, and helped with the Preventers as well.

"Nihao, everyone."

But there has been mostly peace, and life has been relatively quiet.

"Good morning. Would you like some tea?"

And they were happy, living together like one big family.

"Yes, please."

Nothing seemed wrong.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The five ex-soldiers sat around the table in the dining room, eating their breakfast. If their past selves could see them now, they would not recognize them. Wufei sat sipping his green tea, glasses on, and reading a Chinese newspaper. Quatre was also drinking tea, reading an American Newspaper. Trowa was eating eggs and bacon. Duo was picking at his pancakes and conversing with Trowa, who talked between mouthfuls. But Heero quietly ate his bowl of rice and left.

"What's with him?" Trowa asked when Heero was out of earshot.
"He's always been like that. You'd think after the war he'd learn to socialize," Wufei said.
Quatre laughed. "I can't believe something like that could be said by you."
Wufei retorted, "I've changed, you know. I'm not always a solitary dragon."

"I wonder where Heero goes every morning," Quatre wondered, changing the subject.

Duo stayed quiet. He had been noticing something wrong with Heero ever since they had moved in together. Heero was very secretive, and never let anyone see him without his tank top on, or see his back.

There was a time when Heero had gotten in an accident and his back was pretty sore. Duo had offered to put on the ointment, but when he tried lifting up his tank top, Heero quickly pulled away and said he'd do it himself.

By now, the guys had gotten used to seeing each other naked, but Heero... And Duo didn't think it was a case of shyness of self-consciousness, either.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heero had left, wandering around the colony. He had taken to helping out at the center for abused children, helping them gain a steady foothold on life. He always helped out whenever he wasn't doing work for Quatre or the Preventers.

~Wish they had a place like this when I was young...~

When he got there, the children were all smiles. It's hard to believe, but Heero was great with kids. He had a gentle smile and the kids loved him. He put his coat on a nearby chair and they went out to the park to play games.

"So that's where he is..." A blue cap and a braid revealed the quiet spy, watching Heero.

"Come on kids, let's go!" Heero waved at the kids, and they all climbed up the jungle gym together, one of the kids on his back. The wind ruffled his hair, and his eyes glowed with a warmth that only the kids were allowed to see. His laughter and smiles warmed the spy's heart.

~Never knew he could be so beautiful like that...~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Heero came home later that night, tired and slightly sore. He mentally reminded himself not to let that one kid ride on his back. They were starting to get heavy.

"So, where were you?" Duo stood, leaning against the wall, facing his best friend.
"Around."
"The abused children center?"

Heero stared at Duo for a while, then tried to walk past him. Duo put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.
"Come on Heero, it's not like this is going to ruin your reputation or anything. You could have told us."
"Hn."
"Is that your response to everything?"
"Hn."

Duo let him go. He stared after him, watching his retreating back as he went into his room and locked the door. He always locked the door whenever he changed clothes. What was up with that?

"I think his going to the center means something," Quatre whispered from behind Duo. "I believe it has something to do with his past."

Duo turned to look at his emapthic friend. "His past?"
"Yeah. I think... I think he was abused as a kid."
Duo just looked back at Heero's locked door. ~Oh...~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Knock, knock*

"Hey, Duo, can I come in?"

Duo got out of bed in the middle of the night and opened the door. Heero stood there, his flannel pajamas covering most of his body. ~Damn, I thought Heero would wear just his boxers when he went to sleep.~

"Can I sleep with you?"

Duo was shocked speechless at Heero's request. "Uh..."

Heero took Duo's hesitation as a rejection, and backed away. "It's okay... I'll go..." He turned to walk away.

Duo grabbed his wrist. "No, wait." Duo pulled him into his room and closed the door. "You can sleep with me." Duo's heart leaped out of his chest. ~Great, good luck keeping your hormones down...~

They crawled into bed together, and Heero immediately curled up against Duo's chest. Duo looked down at him, the moonlight making him look like a little boy. Duo ran his hands through Heero's hair, and Heero's steady breathing lulled him to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You failed." *SMACK!*

"I'm sorry!"

"Not good enough!" *SMACK!* "You must learn control! Now shoot again!"

*Bang!*

"You missed again." *SMACK!*

"Please... stop..."

"A soldier should never beg. Now be a man!" *SMACK!*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Please... no... stop... hurts so much... pain... no..."

Duo awoke to the sounds of Heero's whimpering. He never imagined that he could whimper like that. He held him closer, cuddling him against his body, wrapping his arms around him and rubbing circles on his back. Heero clung closer to him, and Duo could feel moisture on his neck. He pulled back to look at Heero's face.

"Tears?"

Duo slowly wiped Heero's cheek, and brought his face up to look straight at him. He was still sleeping, his features scrunched up in pain. Obviously having a dream; a really bad one. Duo debated whether he should shake him awake, or just let him wake naturally. But the whimpering grew louder, and soon turned to cries of pain that drove deep into Duo's soul.

"A tortured soul," Quatre said, from Duo's doorway. Trowa stood behind him, and Wufei peeked in from the other side. Quatre turned on the light, and they all walked in and sat around the bed. Heero blinked, and looked up. Duo hugged him tightly. "Heero..."

Heero pulled away violently. "Hn." He closed his eyes and willed the tears away. "I'm okay. You guys didn't have to come." But Duo grabbed his face and made him look into his eyes.

"Heero. Listen... we want to know... what was your dream about?"
"..."
"Please Heero," Quatre said softly. "We want to help. We're friends, right?"

"..." Heero stared past Duo, his eyes glazing over as he thought about it. "... Odin..."

"Who's Odin?" Duo asked.
"Hush," Quatre said. "Let him tell his story."

Heero continued. "Odin... he... punished me if I... didn't do well... on my mission..."

The pieces were starting to come together. Quatre & Trowa nodded and scooted closer to Heero. Wufei clambered up on the bed as well and they all formed a protective circle around Heero. He looked around them, and fell into Duo's arms.

"You guys... will protect me? Right?"

They all looked at their friend, amazed by the vulnerability that Heero was showing. All their misconceptions disappeared, and one by one they drew close and offered their physical presence, touching and caressing him tenderly. Heero smiled inwardly, and fell asleep in Duo's lap.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Well, he's asleep. We'll see you in the morning, Duo," Wufei whispered as he slowly got off the bed and went back to his room. Trowa and Quatre followed suit. Duo was left there, watching over his precious love like a treasured jewel. "Heero... I'll protect you. I promise..."

And a last image of Heero's smile and warm blue eyes lulled him to sleep next to his friend.



That was kinda incoherent now that I look back on it... Anyway, send comments to topace12@hotmail.com
Thanks to everyone for anything that I "borrowed" without knowing it...
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