This is a little songfic based on the song Bent by Matchbox 20.
WARNING: Yaoi and mentions of Rape. You have been warned.
This is the song (or parts of the song), Bent, by Matchbox 20. I don't own the rights, I don't own the G-boys, and I especially don't have any money!
blah = Song
*blah* = action or flash back
This fic switches POV often, but I will put the name of the other person in the paragraph, so it should be easy to figure out who's saying what...
*Duo and Heero are making their way to a safehouse at the edge of the woods. It is raining and the lightning flashes, showing Heero walking, but Duo is staggering.*
If I fall along the way
Pick me up and dust me off
It's too late, I'm too tired. Just keep going Heero, forget about me. You never really cared, have you? Just another person to take out your frustrations on.
If I get too tired to make it
Be my breath so I can walk
But I care about you. A simple glance at your strength forces me to keep going.
*They reach the safehouse. Duo shuts the door against the wind, while Heero wrings the water from his tank top. Duo gazes longingly at his partner's back.*
If I need some of your love again
Give me more than I can stand
*Duo has a flashback of a previous night in a safe house. One moment of vulnerability led to another. Duo had ended up seducing Heero. But when Heero came, he was crying out in sadness and in pleasure. That night had left Duo feeling empty, because it wasn't in love. It had been in frustration.*
When my smile gets old and faded
Wait around I'll smile again
"You okay?" I break out of my thoughts to look at Heero. There is a flicker of concern. I think. He wouldn't care about me. If I'm not feeling well, it simply means one less pilot to back him up. I'm just another pilot to him. I smile. A forced smile, but a smile nonetheless. "I'm okay."
Shouldn't be so complicated
Just hold me and then
Just hold me again
I think about Duo's arms around me, his lips kissing mine gently. I never knew human contact could be full of... love. But I can't let my feelings take advantage of me. That one night was a night of weakness. That should never have happened. I will never let it happen again.
Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together
*Duo looks over at Heero, pondering what he is thinking.* Heero... if only you knew what happened to me... *He flashes back to his training with Dr. G. Being assaulted by various people, physically and sexually, sometimes both. He shudders.*
Keep breaking me in
And this is how we will live
With you and me bent
*Heero flashesback to his training with Dr. J. He too had been subjected to rape and beatings. The last part of his training, a young man that he had secretly had a crush on, had raped him, causing him more pain than he had ever felt. That had hardened his determination to never feel. To never love.*
Why is Duo shuddering?
If I couldn't sleep could you sleep
Could you paint me better off
I don't know what you're been through Heero. I hear you whimpering in your sleep sometimes... I guess you would say that the rest of humanity is better off than you are. That shows in your constant attempts to die. You don't like being alive, do you?
Could you sympathize with my needs
I know you think I need a lot
You probably think I'm a total jerk. Oh Heero, if only you knew what I've been through. But I haven't given up. I won't die unless I have to. But I need so much... I need you.
I started out clean but I'm jaded
Just falling
Just breaking the skin
*Duo takes off his own shirt, wringing out the water. They remove their pants, which are also soaked. They both hit the sack, shirtless and pantless because of the rain. There is only one mattress, and they share it, careful not to touch each other. Late into the night, Duo is awakened by strange sounds. He looks over at Heero. There are tears trailing down his cheek.*
Start bending me
It's never enough
'Til I feel all your pieces
Start bending me
Keep bending me until I'm completely broken in
*Heero's dreaming. He is dreaming of being with the young man. Loving embraces and kisses. Then a flash of light, and then the scene reveals Heero, tied up to a bed, while the young man is whipping him, and toying with him. Heero remains unmoved, but there are tears forming at the corner of his eyes. The young man says, "Won't cry will ya?" He cracks his whip, leaving a bleeding mark on Heero's chest. He laughs, while Heero closes his eyes, a grim look of determination on his face.*
Without understanding
Hell, I'll go there again
"Heero! Heero wake up!" I shake him awake. He had been shuddering in his sleep too. He looked at me, his eyes glimmering a beautiful blue in the moonlight. I can see his unshed tears. "Heero, are you—" His fist lashes out at my face. I feel a pain in my cheek and I hold it gently. He doesn't care. Why did I ever think he would?
Can you help me I'm bent
I'm so scared that I'll never
Get put back together
The next thing that Heero did surprised the hell out of me. His eyes lowered, the tears brimming. Then, he hugged me, putting his arms around me in a tight embrace. "Oh Heero..." I put my arms around him, and I feel his tears flowing onto my skin.
Yeah, you're breaking me in
And this is how we will live
With you and me bent
Damn you Duo. I promised myself I would never fall in love again. I need to be loved Duo, I just never wanted to admit it. If I don't end up dead... maybe, I can find hapiness with you. Maybe.