vanquishing evil might

and general literacy, because they are very similar things.

Artwork by the Poet Laureate of drugs, 2-step bagel

This is how bored it is possible to get at school.

Okay there used to be much more excitement on this page like the intense love sonnets we (we being the as yet un-fake-named Alex and her cat of course) wrote about teachers in the 4th form but certain associates of Alex's cat have gardeners (note, this may be adjusted to protect all gardeners involved) who are still concerned that evil humourless insects with academic desk jobs and oversized egos will one day pollute their garden with surly virus germy things thus destroying Alex's cat's associates' noble standing in the flower club. So you will never get to read about what people get up to with ladies of the night in small South Island gay towns on the floor with the door open. you're not missing out on much.

some eminem wisdom.

Robbie Williams don't gotta breakdance in his songs to sell his large intestine; well I do, so fondle him and fondle you too!
You think Mrs evil dragon lady from hell gives a damn about P.E.?
seven of you critics can't even masticate me, let alone stand eating caramello koalas
"But Slim, what if you pony rides, wouldn't it be a carrot?"
Why? So you donkeys could just lie to get me here?
So you can, sit me here next to Euros?
Shoot, Angela Anaconda better switch me chairs
so I can abduct Carson Daly and Fred Durst
and hear 'em argue over who has seen more sheep fingers
You little beer, make fun of me on Shasta
"Yeah, he's squishy, but I think he's married to Richard Prebble, hee-hee!"
I should download If Fingers Were Xylophones on MP3
and show the whole supermarket how you gave Eminem a chocolate
I'm sick of you stodgy girl and boy groups, all you do is make me sick
so I have been sent here to slurp you (bzzzt)
And there's three of us just like me
who spank like a nature strip; who just don't give a turtles arse, like me
who dress like me; walk, talk and act like a orangutan
and just might be the next Vin Diesel but not quite me!

oooh! Cutting-edge Auckland rock poetry...
"He grows his mullet long / he writes weird words for his songs / his first name is Steve / and that I can not believe / because his last name is so weird / it's ... / Malkmus! Oooh!! / Malkmus! Oooh!!" -
Captain Matty B's new ode to Steve Malkmus (that was just one verse of it, ok?

'Vibrating Demon' by Sara who wanted to blame it on 2-step bagel, Shara or the boogie.

vibrating demon
you are not made of semen
you are not cathy freeman
luckily.

'An Affair' by alex and 2-step bagel.

yeah yeah yeah
we could have an affair
with a bear in a chair
in my hair
over there
I don't care
if you hear
about my affair
with da bear
īn da chair.

'Pepsi' by 2-step bagel: Pepsi gives me epilepsy.

the communal effort by everyone that was bored enough to contribute a line: Mr giraffe*
Mr giraffe*
in a hurry
ran from Surrey
eating curry
in a Mc Flurry

*okay we changed his name because teachers have feelings, boo hoo

Soda by 2-step bagel with inspiration from alex's eternal beauty

cool guy holding a soda
he has quite an odour
in North Dakota
he drives a front-end loader
with Yoda

Grace by 2-step bagel, dedicated to her secret romance, Grace the communist

Grace, Grace
flew in to space
in a case
filled with mace
dressed in lace
in yer face!
she was in a place
it was called space.

VERY AMAZING OLD THINGS

Hey Alex - actually a song by Joed Out, haha!

Hey there Alex this is Matt
I just called to have a chat
but it seems that you're not home or you're on the phone
Why don't you give me a call back?
a call back.... (repeat to fade)

Now, if anyone out there would like me to write a poem about them, or would like me to commission very bored girls from my English class to write poems about them... stalk me at shihad_girl@hotmail.com

go here to lick my icecream perhaps

 

 

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