the fergo fan page
thanks nick.

enter spacecapsule: fergo2001 -

in which we start communicating with the radar in your room
umm yeah bollocks
this is now a discussion forum dedicated to analysing the lyrics to her German remix of 'The Good Gardener'.
amazing wisdom of the day: "umm calling my lizards to my side we shall take trees and oh vegetables ok?"
go and stalk her NOW!

AN INTRIGUING SOCIAL EXPERIMENT: FERGUS AND SATAN'S UNDERPANTS IN A YELLOW ROOM WITH SARA AND ALEX

alex is the annoying questions.

full name: umm shara bodelia turner ..... jody richard *(yeah right)* turner

real name: fergus noodle ...... ummm...... satan's underpants yes, satan's underpants.

do you remember the 1980s? no..... yeah

least compatible starsign: whatever steven is coz i hate him ..... pisces - that's dad! - yes.

what's for dinner tonight?: some incredibly crusty snake, yes ahh no it was 'chicken tonight', snake??!! no some spiders and cow poo as well coz i'm bush tucker shara

what did your mum make of your fame?: she was very shocked and that's why she had a sex change - and she just tried jumping on the bandwagon and stuff - and started her own pop career but it didn't work

does your passport request or demand?: ohh it requests

what is the cost of 15 balls at 85 cents each?: ummm don't ask me... $8.50 plus the extra 5 and that ... uhh.. $12.75 .... i don't have the answer sheet here dammit.

I buy 3 lettuces at 85c each and 4kg of carrots at 40c per kg. What do I pay?: the trains were going in the same direction. what was the question again? no it's $12.75!

So, Matthew, what inspired 'Composition-Improvisation no. 1'?: I say wankiness inspired that. I think my obsession for watching pornography, at 4 o'clock in the morning... and my name's not Matthew and that's Mr. Pimm to you thank you and I love Oasis and that's from me, Matthew Pimm

If there was a public execution on TV would you watch it?: who is it? is it anyone we know? it's backhouse umm maybe yes we paid for it so yeah it depends on who it was no i don't think so i wouldn't - *conversation drifts at this point into something about how there would be a bag on the executee's head with sponsor's names on it like Sharp and Sony, all the insights of Sara of course*

Can you urinate infront of another person?: uhh no... am i just urinating or do they see my doodle?

Have the charts gone down the toilet?: were the charts ever not in the toilet? umm i put them there did you? you wench!

Are the Bloodhound Gang being nice to you?: umm no because james used to listen to them all the time and that was torturous so no, they must hate me and they haven't done me any big favours either

How do you feel about the success of Blink 182?: i feel that it's very frightening - as long as they keep making entertaining video clips, i don't really care - yeah that's true

Last time you played in London, you told the audience about the cyst on Adam's bollocks. Why?: who's adam? this stuff needs to be known so that men feels their own balls and make sure they don't have cancer hey yeah don't men feel their own balls already? yeah but only in an erotic way not in a cysty way - this guy's never going to have cancer (pointing in the direction of my neighbours' house, the dwelling of a compulsive teenage masturbator named Thomas Goodman who goes to Kings College)

What's been the most rock'n'roll event of your career so far?: umm I think just knowing Steven is the most rock'n'roll thing in my life - umm i think the introduction to backhouse's music has just enlightened me to rock and roll and i feel better for it - rock'n'roll is now part of you.

Are you an 'it'-girl?: oh for real mate, just look at this fashion, ohh that is it. (Tape cuts out RIGHT here, but I know Mr Underpants said something about not liking information technology much anyway)

Recording on lo-fi was certainly a bold move on your part. How did the idea come to you?: in a vision, y'know? i was in the shower and slipped on the soap

What would happen if you dug a tunnel through the centre of the earth?: you'd go to china obviously! everyone knows that!

now speaking of that, why can't americans spell the word 'centre'?: i don't know, why can't they spell favour... or tyres... - or just why can't they spell? - and yeah they can't pronounce the letter Z, there's the whole zee or zed thing it's so they can win at scrabble.

And if you could be one electrical appliance, what would it be?: umm... that's disgusting jody... i won't be a vibro 2000, no, electric, does that mean you have to plug it in no you can have a battery if you want ok coz i wanna be a cattle prod i know how much you want to poke cows shara no i just wanna burn.. be in those pizza haven ads and get censored into a fluffy duster! alright i'll be a vibro 2000... i wanna be a tattooing thingamajiggy

- the end bro -

if you still can't enter the spacecapsule go back to Hell Is Other People, thats only the other ones though