Man, I had a weird -ass dream last night. It's vampire themed, so here goes:

--artist's rendering

OK, soon after that I went to sleep. then I had a dream that I was shooting a Dracula movie(as opposed to a vampire movie with Dracula as a central character). Set in a 1920's warehouse, the movie started out with a spirit rising up through a sarcophagus and resting on top of it. The spirit began to materialize and turned into Dracula, played by Raul Julia. Dracula was dressed in street clothes: a carricap and knickers with suspenders, argyle socks, shiny brown shoes and a light sweater.

He rose to look around and saw that there were many boxes that contain the earth of his homeland. He also saw an unconscious woman lying on a dais next to his sarcophagus; probably the take-out food he ordered from his ghoul. He reached down the side of the sarcophagus and pulled up a leatherbound book as thick as a dictionary. Dracula produced a quill to write with, but he had no ink. He leaned over to get some from the woman's neck by jabbing it in so as not to kill her. Yet.

"Dear Diary,�" he began to write in blood as the camera picks up his arch nemesis Abraham van Helsing (played by Sir Anthony Hopkins) coming around the corner of the first door. They both felt each other by years of fated contact and van Helsing immediately backed off. It was merely a look up from his writing, so Dracula went back to it. Then an Asian man came through the second door and walked right past Dracula and the woman towards the boxes. Dracula stops his writing and asked, "I say, old chap--"

Dracula couldn't finish his sentence 'cuz the Asian clothlined him off the sarcophagus. Dracula isn't mad at all, but then the Asian began to lay the smack down on Dracula. Being knocked down is one thing, but ruining the earth of my homeland is another, Dracula though as he went crashing into a stack of soil-filled boxes. NOW HE'S PISSED. The Asian man sensed this and flipped back to the 2nd door, where I(in full Rastafarian garb) and some Punjab guy are standing.

Dracula pulled a rusty Cross-Dagger of Ajanti from the earthy box�

Ok, sidebar--wait, why does Dracula need a knife when he's Dracula? Well, stranger shit has happened in this webpage section. MOVING ON.

and swears, "I'll have your blood!!!" as he rushed towards the Asian man. By that time, the Asian was behind me , so I felt the need to do something. "I can take him I can take him I can take him" is all I heard in my head. so I took him. I grabbed Dracula's wrist and twisted it behind his back as the Punjab laid in a few good kicks. I let Dracula go and the Punjab threw his ass over the sarcophagus to the other side of it. Dracula fell hard. Van helsing came from around the corner and applauded us for doing his dirty work. He said, "Grab the girl; I'll finish this."

Punjab and Asian man grabbed the unconscious girl and were on their way out the second door when Asian man said, "They're coming!"

There's no question as to who it is for van Helsing and company, but for the sake of exposition, it's the Secret Holy Warriors: guys who are immortal like Dracula, but without the feenin'. Their sole purpose is to eliminate vampires and anyone deemed a threat to their mission and secrecy.
And now some back story: van Helsing met them before and barely escaped with his life. He'd rather not go through that again.

He hustled us all through the first door just as the Holy Warriors came through the second door, three deep. They're all grungy lookin' with 6 o'clock shadows and beards on their faces, matted hair and studded leather armor under trench coats. They hovered around the battered vampire lord�and kicked him for good measure.

Then one of the Holy Warriors pulled a glowing blue vial from the folds in his coat and poured it on Dracula's damned form. The potion turned Dracula's face to a horny visage and then started to turn him into a flat representation of what he was. His body flattened out more and more until he was paper-thin and then he started to fold into a neat little square. When the whole process was done, Dracula had been turned into a kitchen mat.

OK, fast-forward to 2002: a young woman, who looks like the one on the dais so many years ago, is in her kitchen fixing dinner. She's watching the soaps and cutting onions at the same time. She's done it many times before, so no big deal. The soap is kinda humorous today, but she's crying all the same--and cuts herself. She drops the knife onto the counter and backs away from it, cursing herself that she cut that deep. She runs to the the bathroom to clean and cover it. She didn't mean to drip blood on the kitchen mat�which is glowing blue�

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