Mostly written during lunch breaks of the week of April 20, 1998.
I almost had a heart attack when I watched this episode, because it didn't begin with the Narrator from H*ll. It began with the Purple Doberman on Speed (copyright Lori McDonald-sama) and the Giant Blue Chicken.
GBC tells PDOS that the time has come for Galactor to conquer the world with their Awesome Scientific Power, and PDOS is all "yes my master," like 1) they have been trying to conquer the world for the past 8 episodes, and we know that there are nearly 100 more episodes to go, so you can kind of figure it is probably not going to work, 2) What is so awesomely scientific about the Very Hungry Caterpillar and the Sunflower/ Crab? And we get a shot of this big submarine like contraption, that looks frighteningly like the head of the Doguu-bots from the "All the Gold in the World Can Be Loaded into the Godphoenix by two People in 5 Minutes" episode, only it is much bigger and an ugly shade of green, floating in the Big Blue Sea. And panels open to reveal rockets. The Commander of the Week, whom I suspect is actually one of Bozo the Clown's cousin, unfortunately does not say "Hey there kiddies", but instead tells PDOS that he is ready for his next orders. And PDOS says that "now is the time for us to show the world our strength, do not fail," like what kind of order is that? And Bozo's cousin is like whatever, and the Green People working under him press all these buttons and move all these levers, and the rockets are launched, and the Doguu head dives underwater.
Then we get a cool scene of the rockets flying toward the moon, but then it is totally ruined because the nose of the rockets all open at once to reveal parts of some kind of Mecha, and the parts start to come together, and they form a giant scorpion, and the scorpion's legs have jet engines or something because we see flames coming out of them, and the thing lands on the moon, and it dives underground, and then it emerges. Like what is the point of diving underground? Why didn't it just land where it wanted to go? And then it arches its back, and there are rocks floating all around, and I am thinking the moon has 1/6 of the earth's gravity, so the rocks should still fall. The scorpion bends its tail, and I think it is sucking rocks into its mouth, but no matter how many times I watch this scene it looks like it is spewing out rock and not sucking it in. But the reason I know that the scorpion is sucking the rock in is because the scorpion STARTS TO FIRE ROCKS OUT ITS BACKSIDE, and all the scorpion waste products start to head for the Big Urban Metropolis, and I am wondering WHO ON EARTH THOUGHT UP OF THIS INCREDIBLY IDIOTIC CONTRAPTION.
Cut to Big Urban Metropolis. A man says, pointing to the scorpion waste products falling from the sky, says (guess what?) "what is that?" and the crowd freaks, and I regret not having my stopwatch with me so I could have timed how long it took from the beginning of the episode to the time that man said "what is that" and after like about five minutes, a woman screams and yells "it's meteors", and THEN people start freaking and running and falling over each other, and the meteors melt the city and people run some more and buildings melt and people running some more. And then we get a shot of scorpion waste products hitting a natural gas tank and a power plant and a shop and some more buildings LIKE WE GET THE POINT ALREADY, and we see a devastated city.
Cut to rocket, launching pad. My prayer for a peaceful episode is not answered, it is the Narrator from H*ll, telling us that the ISO launched a whole bunch of surveillance rockets from space centers all over the world to find out what the story was behind all the meteors, and we get a shot of the rocket taking off, and then the NfH tells us that however, something very unexpected happened. In the control room of one of the space centers, the staff is listening to the radio transmission from one of the whole bunch of surveillance rockets, like don't send any unmanned flights with cameras to a place where you haven't a clue what on earth is going on or anything. And the astronaut is hollering "SOS! SOS! This is space rocket! SOS! SOS! SpaceOh! Aaugh! Help!" and the staff in the control room is like what is happening? Space rocket, please respond! Space Rocket, please respond! Please respond! And I am kind of wondering why they're calling it the "space rocket", and not something like "Surveillance Rocket 1" or even Yamato or Enterprise, I mean, they'd all be space rockets, wouldn't they?
Chief Anderson is all freaking out that all the rockets have disappeared. Dr. Nambu tells him that the rockets were probably attacked and destroyed, like that took a lot of smarts to figure out something fishy was going on when a large number of rockets disappeared at the same time, and the Chief wants to know where the meteors are coming from, and Dr. N says he's working on it. Chief says he's counting on Dr. N, like we get the point that Dr. N is the Very Important Brilliant Scientist Who Will Save the World.
And I suppose this is the new secret underwater base, Crescent Coral, because the Team is there, and we see fish swimming by the portholes. Jinpei is like, I can take on all those guys, it's Galactor again. Ken is all "I wouldn't be too sure about that, but one thing is for sure." Jun wants to know what Ken is so sure about. Ken says if this continues, the Earth will be destroyed, LIKE THAT TOOK A FOUR DIGIT I.Q. TO FIGURE OUT. Joe says a bad word and says that there is no doubt about it, it has to be Galactor, and I am thinking, well, if there were more than one Evil Terrorist Organization, the whole scheme of things would be way too confusing for Ken to figure out. Ryu wonders why Dr. Nambu is late, which is Dr. N's cue to enter through the automatic doors, with one hand on his hip and the other waving at the Team, and say hey did you miss me, I was working on the meteors, and I almost burst out laughing at the sight of him with one hand on his hip like that, like I am wondering if the fanfic people had fun with that one. Ken asks Dr. N if he found anything, and Dr. N says that he found out that all the meteors that have been falling recently are all lunar in origin, and Jun is like "oh, do you mean from the moon?" and I am like, well, that is what he said. Ken asks Dr. N if he has contacted the Lunar Base, and Dr. N says no, we tried, but we can't contact it or any of the satellites.
And then (surprise) Ken demands that Dr. N sends them to investigate, and I am beginning to believe that Dr. N gave up long ago trying to teach this kid any manners, because all he says is whatever, be careful out there. Ken says let's go. Team says let's go.
We get the standard shot of the Team running, jumping on to the bubble of the Godphoenix, and the GP leaving Crescent Coral, and the GP taking off.
Ken tells everyone that they are going to feel the G's so they should brace themselves. Jinpei is like whatever. Ken tells Ryu how to do his job. Ryu is like whatever. We get the shot of the team under Tremendous Pressure, when the screen turns to black and white, and Jinpei has his arms around Jun, like hasn't this kid heard of seat belts? Which reminds me, there are so many parents who don't use infant seats and hold the little person in their arms in the front seat in Japan, and I am always tempted to say to them "my goodness, what a beautifully adorable little AIRBAG you have there!"
Then about three seconds later (like that was a short trip through the atmosphere) Ken says looks like we're out of the atmosphere, and Jinpei says life is rough, and Jun, who looks incredibly UGLY in this shot, and has her hands clasped together in this very annoying pose, says in this very annoying voice, "how pretty! I've never seen the moon up so close!"
And then the Team sees meteors, which are actually scorpion waste products, and they freak, and Ken says meteors, LIKE THAT TOOK A FOUR DIGIT I.Q., and Jun says they're coming this way LIKE THAT TOOK A FOUR DIGIT I.Q., and Joe says Ken, it looks like those meteors are headed for Earth, LIKE WE CAN SEE THAT and we get a shot of the Super S**ttn' Scorpion Mecha (copyright Falcon no Sarah-sama) and the scorpion waste products heading for Earth, and Ken says he gets it, only Galactor would do something like this, and I am marveling at the simplicity of this universe again.
Cut to the Doguu head Mother Ship. Bozo's cousin comments that the Team is confused, and that there is more, and tells his Green People to give him more power on the homing device, and tell SSSM to come home, and Green People are all like yes my master, and they pull switches and press a lot of buttons, and while they are doing this Bozo's cousin tells no one in particular that when SSSM homes in on the homing signal/ energy rays that they are sending out, it will come back to the Earth as a great big nuisance and make a big pest of itself, and that a short burst of the homing signal/ energy rays will give SSSM enough power to continue being a nuisance moving for at least 30 hours, so there is no way that they will trace the location of the Green Doguu Head Mother Ship. And the Mother Ship emerges from the water, and Bozo's cousin tells SSSM (like it understands Japanese) to do it, which I am not even going to comment on, and the Green Doguu Head sends the homing signal/ energy rays.
Jun is like what on earth, and says to Ken that she just picked up some kind of really strong burst of energy, and Ken says what and I am really wishing that this guy would LISTEN TO HIS TEAMMATES ALREADY.
Bozo's cousin speaks to the SSSM in Japanese some more, telling it to come back to the planet Earth and make a nuisance of itself, and (I couldn't believe this) the SSSM curls up into a ball and starts to head for Earth. And we get a shot of scorpion waste products heading for Earth and breaking buildings, but it is all recycled footage from the beginning of the episode. And then we get a shot of the SSSM curled up into a little ball and floating in space, and I wish someone would explain to me what is the point of having the mecha fly to the moon to shoot rocks and then come back and break things like the run-of-the-mill Galactor nuisance, I mean, wouldn't it have been just as efficient to have a contraption that just dropped rocks from the sky and then would sometimes land and make a mess?
Ken says what is that, and the Team approaches the windshield of the GP, and then on cue, the large ball they see, which is really (of course) the SSSM curled up into a ball, bursts into flames. Jinpei says it is an awfully large meteor, and that it can destroy the planet if it hits it. Ken says something is rotten in the state of Denmark, and that the flaming ball is not really a meteor. Jun wants to know that it is then, and Ken says that he has no idea, but what he does know is that if it gets to Earth, it will mean disaster, LIKE THAT TOOK A FOUR DIGIT I.Q.
Joe wants to take it out with Bird Missiles (say with me..." AGAIN"), and points out (correctly) that there is no time to get Dr. Nambu's permission, and fires the missile by pressing on a round red button with a clear, flat cover. The Team freaks, and Ken says that the Bird Missiles aren't working. Joe says a bad word and fires more missiles, like that is going to really help. Jinpei says a bad word and stands there making punching motions, and I am beginning to get suspicious if this footage of Jinpei making punching motions isn't a recycle from episode 5, the Ghost Fleet Episode, while Joe is using up all the Bird Missiles to fire on the Ghost Ships/ Flying Saucers, and Jinpei is like go Joe. Joe wants Ken to tell them what they are going to do next, and Ken says there is no more time, and Jun screams a scream and screams "Our Planet!" and I would have put my foot through the television for that scream if the TV hadn't belonged to the department (I watched this in the call room at the hospital).
Bozo's cousin is happy.
The Team Freaks.
An oil refinery is destroyed.
We see a shot of SSSM.
Jun says "ooh, a monster." Please see above regarding what I am thinking about her voice. Ryu says "it's a scorpion monster." Joe says bad words and swears that the SSSM will not rule the earth, and I am thinking "I certainly HOPE not to pay taxes to the Super S**ttn' Scorpion Mecha", because having to pay taxes to the Japanese Liberal Democrat party, who think they run the county when all they are doing is doing what the bureaucrats tell them to do, and the 99.9% University of Tokyo alumni bureaucrats who think they are running the country but are actually just looking to see how high they can climb the ladder of promotion, and how rich they can become, is bad enough.
Dr. N on the monitor. Dr. N says Team. Ken says Dr. Nambu. I am thinking Janet! Brad! Dr. N tells the Team to leave the monster to the Security Forces, and go find the source of the radio waves and blast it to bits. Joe starts to protest. Dr. N says good luck and signs off, and I am thinking Go Dr. N, because when you stop and think about it, he gives them orders and not the other way around, though you might think otherwise watching Ken.
Ken says Jun. Jun says what. Ken tells Jun to track the homing signal/ energy wave from a little while back. Jun says she has it recorded, but it is too short to trace. Ken says just give him the tape. Jun is like gee you are in a sour mood, and I am wondering who gave Jun her spine transplant when, and I think Jinpei and Ryu are thinking the same thing because they kind of look at each other, or maybe that is just something for the fanfic people to have fun with?
Jun gives Ken the tape, which is, strangely, not a magnetic tape but TICKER TAPE, and Ken loops the tape around, and says to trace it that way, and Jinpei is impressed with how incredibly clever Ken is, and apparently it doesn't take much to impress Jinpei, and Ken says that they have it, and the rays are coming from 20km southwest of the Aselans Island, underwater, and tells Ryu to do his job, and Ryu is like whatever.
Cut to shot of UN Security Forces firing things, and they are not doing a very good job of taking down the SSSM, and the SSSM hacks off the top of the Tokyo Tower, or maybe it was the Eiffel Tower, I am not sure which, and we get a shot of the Red Impulse Squadron firing missiles, in their second appearance in this series.
Cut to the GP, underwater, following a blip on their screen, and Ryu tells Ken that they're getting closer, and Ken tells Ryu how to do his job again, and we see the Green Doguu Head Mother Ship. Ken tells Ryu how to do his job again. Joe says it is an underwater mother ship, so this is where they were hiding. Ken tells Joe and Jinpei and Jun that they are going to penetrate the mother ship, and Ryu wants to know what he gets to do, and Ken tells him that he wants Ryu to wait in the GP so that they can make a quick getaway whenever they need to, and Ryu says, "what, again? No fun!" which I thought was totally hysterical.
And we get a shot of a ray mech, and the Team is in bathing suits and scuba gear, and I am wondering what they did with the numbered jerseys, like can they go to birdstyle without them? The four of them hide under the ray, and they penetrate the Green Doguu head. And they follow the Green People, the Ray Mecha crew, on to an elevator, and the door opens, and Ken has one Green Person by the collar, and tells him to take them to the control room.
And Bozo's cousin is all googly and shouting "more, more", which I am not even going to comment on, and the Green Person says commander, and Bozo's cousin says "what", and the Green Person says commander, um...and Bozo's cousin says what, and the Green Person collapses, and when he collapses we see that Ken and the Team were hiding behind the poor Green Person. Bozo's cousin says you're Gatchaman, so I guess by the 9th episode everyone has a pretty good idea of who's who on the show. Bozo's cousin orders his Green People to open fire, but we get a fight sequence, and Green People are all taken out, and so BC hollers to push the emergency alarm, and call others for help, but Jun whips her yo-yo at the Green Person, and he goes the way pretty much every other Green Person on this show has so far gone.
Ken demands where the homing device of the SSSM and the meteors is located. BC says he's not getting anything out of him but his name, rank, and serial number. Joe says, "in that case I have no choice," and pulls out an automatic weapon and opens fire on all the control panels in the room. Jun freaks, which I think I would do too, because "the walls of this submarine don't react too well to bullets" (and a prize to the first person who can correctly guess the title of the movie I am trying to but can't quite paraphrase because I haven't seen it in a while).
Jun points out that the SSSM has stopped moving, and I would have first pointed out the miracle that there is no water seeping through all the bullet holes that Joe created, or perhaps the submarine is made of Whisker (please refer to Diary entry for episode 8)? And Joe admires his handiwork. BC points out that the meteors are going to hit them and they are all going to die, and the floor of the room opens up, and BC jumps in, and Ken jumps up, which is kind of stupid because if he had followed BC he may have been able to catch him and twist his arm enough to make him give important information, like, oh, I don't know, the LOCATION OF GALACTOR GENERAL HEADQUARTERS? And Ken says that they have to get out of there, fast, and Jinpei says the doors won't open.
Cut to Ryu, who sees BC's escape pod, and tries to follow it, but gets the GP wedged in between two rocks, like that was really swift.
Jinpei freaking that they are going to die there. Ken says that they will have to take the chance, and that Jun should attach her yo-yo bomb to the door. Joe says if they do that, they will all be killed. Ken basically ignores Joe and tells Jun to just do it. Jun says roger, like I really wish they would all stop saying roger. Ken tells everyone to gather in one place, spread their wings, and start spinning the moment the bomb goes off, and we get the defense version (as opposed to the attack version which we have seen previously) of the Science Ninja Power Whirlwind Fighter, which basically blows away all the debris from the Team. Then they stop spinning, and Ken tells them to hurry, and we get a shot of scorpion waste products falling to the ocean floor, and the next thing I know the Team is back in the Godphoenix, and what I want to know is how the Team made their escape out of the Green Doguu head, when they had left their scuba gear back wherever, and Ryu had gotten the Godphoenix caught between the rocks. Jun says that was close, and Joe says they're not going to get rid of them that easily, and I am thinking, no, not with nearly 100 more episodes to go and the writers to NOT EVEN EXPLAIN HOW YOU GOT OUT OF THAT SUBMARINE. Ken calls Dr. Nambu on the monitor, telling him that the Team has done their part. Dr. N tells them that the Security Forces had turned the SSSM into a pile of scrap metal, and we see the smoldering ruins of the SSSM in the background. Ken is all proud that things have gone well. Jun says look at the beautiful starry sky, and Ken says that it is only a temporary peace, until they rid the world of Galactor, and we get the orchestra version of the Shuba song, Joe says we'll do it, someday. And I am bracing myself for the NfH's closing speech. Sure enough, he tells us "the terrible battle was over (yes, we saw that). The beautiful starry sky returned to earth (yes, we saw that, too). There will be no beautiful peace until Galactor is destroyed (Ken already pointed that out). Go, Science Ninja Team (whatever)!"
Points of interest. This episode is, IIRC, the Team's first trip into space. I realize that one of the English incarnations, Battle of the Planets, had many (but not all--Ayako stands corrected by Dei-sama) battles taking place in outer space, but in the Gatch universe, everything takes place on Planet Earth. And ooh did I love it when Jun made that snide remark about Ken being scary, though unfortunately she didn't say much else.
And, I have written Production Diaries for episodes 3 through 12! (^.~)