Insert Ayako's standard disclaimer regarding spoilers, copyright infringement, flames, death threats, and taking this Production Diary entry seriously here.
The episode begins with a shot of the Titanic, and I absolutely refuse to see the movie Titanic, because everyone says it's good and everyone tells me that I should go see it, so I kind of figure that James Cameron already has enough people's money, and that he is not getting my 1800 yen. Shot of people lounging around on the deck of the ship, and some kids are throwing rings, and how is it that all these people are lounging around in bathing suits and the kids are wearing bow ties and jackets and turtlenecks? I mean, isn't it the kids that are always getting hot before the grownups are?
Then we get an old man sitting in a wheelchair, and he notices this little girl and he asks her why she doesn't play with the others. And the little girl answers...
Oh my.
I take back everything I said about Jun's voice...I mean, I want to go shoot the casting director...this annoying little girl's voice, that sounds like something a bat might make when it is out on the prowl for insects to feed its voracious appetite, or maybe the sound my ultrasound machine makes when I change the depth settings, makes me want to throw this kid off the Titanic to be Fish Food, like right now.
And so Fish Food Girl, who is wearing a blue dress and red shoes and a yellow bow tied on the right side of her head, and has eyes that take up like a quarter of the area of her face, and a huge head that is like twice the size of the rest of her body, like you'd think she had hydrocephalus or something, and, to borrow some words from Lori-sama, looks like she has food in her cheeks, says that playing with the others is no fun. The Old Man asks why. Out of nowhere the Captain appears, and we know it is the Captain of the Titanic because the old man says "oh, Captain", and the Captain tells us in typical "inform the audience" fashion, that the little girl just lost her father in an accident three days ago, and is going to her mother, and if I were a social worker, I would never, never, never let a woman who was going to 1) not come and pick up the girl herself and make the kid travel alone 2) make the kid travel alone in a ship as opposed to a transcontinental flight take the kid, even if it was an annoying child that should be fish food anyway.
The Old Man says (of course) oh, the poor girl, and asks the little girl if she would like to play soccer with him, and Fish Food Girl is like huh, soccer? Old Man says that even if he can't walk, he's very good, and so we get a sequence of the Old Man and the little girl kicking the ball back and forth to each other, and the Fish Food Girl giggling and squealing most annoyingly, and then all of a sudden it turns dark, and the passengers are all saying (surprise) what is going on, and there is thunder, and lightning, and snow falling on the bathers, and then we see an iceberg all of a sudden, and the Titanic is headed straight for it, and someone yells that they're going to collide, and to turn away from it, and there is a giant walrus that actually looks kind of cute, and it blows a blizzard from its mouth, and freezes the ship.
Shot of bracelet thing flashing and making noises. Bracelet is on a table next to Ken's bed, and Ken, who is lying in a black pipe bed dressed in his numbered jersey, gets up, and the bed looks so much like my girlfriend's bed that she bought about a month ago, and according to her, she went to the discount shop to buy Kleenex and toilet paper, and she saw this bed, and so she bought it, and took it home and carried it up to her second floor apartment all by herself, and then she put it together all by herself, and she said that after doing all that she was sure that she could live alone for the rest of her life and had absolutely no use for a man, which I thought was hysterically funny but in a way true.
Anyway, Ken answers the phone, I mean bracelet, saying this is G-1, Gatchaman, and it's Dr. Nambu, and he asks how it's going, and Ken points out that it's awfully early, and Dr. Nambu says that there is no morning or night for the Ninja Team, which is a very good point, and he says that there are emergency orders, and Ken says yes sir and runs out, and mumbles something about not getting breakfast, and yes, breakfast is the big boy's most important meal of the day.
And Dr. N is in the upper left hand corner of the screen, and Ken is still running, and Dr. N, still in the upper left hand corner of the screen is telling Ken that a nuclear powered luxury cruiser (like there they go again with this show's obsession with nuclear energy) and a nuclear powered carrier and battleship and submarines conducting drills in the area have also disappeared, and that the notable feature is that the disappeared ships are all nuclear powered, and Ken says aside, it can't possibly be a coincidence, and I am thinking 1) like that took a four-digit I.Q., 2) what do you expect with this show's obsession with nuclear energy? And speaking of which, when they retire the USS Independence in a little while, it will be interesting to see how the Japanese government will try to fudge its way out of having a nuclear weapon in Japanese waters, since Japan is supposed to neither have, construct, or let others bring in nuclear weapons, and if a nuclear powered aircraft carrier isn't a nuclear weapon I don't know what is, and if Yokosuka isn't Japanese soil I don't know what is. (There is speculation about nuke subs in Yokosuka, though it is officially denied.)
Anyway, Dr. N continues to say that G1 to G5 are to assemble and locate the nuclear powered ships, and Ken says roger, like I really wish these kids would stop saying roger, and then we get the Birdstyle sequence, and the little machines assembling into the GP, and let me just say here that when I was a little person (actually I am still a little person but you kind of get the point) watching BotP, I always thought it was unfair that Mark got to ride in a chair/ elevator, Princess and Keyop got to slide down to their seats, but Jason had to pull himself up to the control room of the GP, and that it kind of looked weird with his feet disappearing into the tunnel.
And we get Dr. N again, only he's not on the upper left hand corner of the TV screen but right splat in the middle of the GP's monitor, and he is saying good morning, and that he has something cool to share, and I am wondering if it is his stash of grass or something, but it isn't, it's a video footage that some surveillance plane brought back, and he tells the Team to pay attention to detail and watch it carefully, and we see an iceberg on the monitor. And Jinpei says that's one big iceberg, and Ryu says he's never seen one so big so close to the equator, which I am not even going to comment on, and Jinpei says it sure is big, which I am not even going to comment on, and then Jinpei says hey it shrunk, which I am not even going to comment on, and Ken says something's strange, and asks Dr. N to see it again, and then tells Dr. N to please stop it there, and Jun asks what's wrong, and Ken says that the iceberg is weird because icebergs are supposed to drift from the North Pole toward the equator, riding on the ocean current, but this iceberg is moving against the current, and Ryu is like how do you know, and Ken says that the current is going against the direction of the iceberg's movement, and you can tell because of the big waves in the rear, and Joe is all Ken is right, and Ken asks where the footage was taken, and I almost have a heart attack because Dr. N says that it was filmed while flying an area 50km while flying south of the Hawaiian islands, so there is an actual geographic location given. Ken says so this means the iceberg is headed north, and Dr. N is all impressed. To which I would like to say a few things, which are: 1) there they go making Ken to be the Brilliant Fearless Leader again when he really appears to have an I.Q. that bears a close resemblance to his age, 2) icebergs travel from the SOUTH Pole toward the equator, too, and 3) what kind of fool would try to pass themselves off as being an iceberg and then travel against the current, away from the Equator (paraphrasing Alara-sama)?
Then Jinpei points out that it is strange that it sank all of a sudden, and Dr. N says that oh, you've become a full fledged member of the SNT, and Jinpei is all aww, shucks, and if that is all it takes to become a full fledged member of the SNT, then I don't want to know what it takes to outsmart Dr. N. Ken says they're heading north, and Ryu says roger again.
The NfH tells us that Galactor was all happy that it was getting results with the Popsicler, and that it was taking all the nuclear powered ships it had captured to the North Pole base, and that they'd use the subs and the carrier and the battleship as is and they'd take the generator from the ocean liner, and they'd convert the passengers of the ocean liner into Galactors in the Galactor Conversion Center, and let me just point out, for the benefit of the non-military people in my little readership (I am assuming there are more than ten of you, though only about ten people have actually given me any form of C&C about the PD's), that there are probably like twice as many people aboard the carrier than there are on the ocean liner.
And we get a shot of an elevator in the North Pole base, and we see the Old Man and Fish Food Girl, and the Old Man telling the little girl that he is sick and he doesn't have much longer to live, which makes you wonder what he is doing travelling alone, and FF Girl is like don't give up, and then we get a totally contrived line from the Old Man that he's beginning to feel very brave, and that he doesn't have anything to be afraid of anymore, and am I the only one that finds that premise that the Old Man has a terminal illness a bit Zark-ish? Then the Green Person is shoving everyone off the elevator, to the Galactor Conversion Center, I suppose, and the gives FF Girl a shove, and I am thinking Go Green Person, but the Old Man says, what do you think you're doing, she's only a child and then the Green Person is like shut up you old geezer, and kicks the wheelchair, and the chair goes rolling and slams into the wall, which is kind of funny in a morbid way, and the Man falls out, and FF Girl makes a sound that reminds you of a bat on the prowl for insects and screeches, er, says, Mister, are you all right, which must have really taken a toll on the Old Man's hearing aids, and OM says someone will show you, Galactor and I cannot get over how contrived that line was.
Back to the control room of the GP. Over the monitor, we can see lots and lots and lots of icebergs, and Joe is like there is no way they are going to be able to tell the real icebergs and the one that they are looking for, and I am thinking just climb a little and find the one that is travelling in the wrong direction, and Ken hollers at Jun to activate electronic radar, and I thought all radars were electronic in this day and age, not to mention the Future when this show is supposed to be taking place, and Ken says what is that, and we hear a noise that sounds like someone fell on top of a piano, and Joe hollers we've found it, and we know it is the base because 1) there are Green People with automatic weapons standing in front of it,2) Ryu says, "it's the base!" And Ken tells Jun that they're going, and Ken tells Ryu how to do his job, and then we get a shot of Ken and Jun in the clear dome thing on top of the GP and Ken shouts bird and Jun shouts flight, and then the GP dives underwater, and the two of them glide to one of the pillars holding up the catwalk where the Green People with automatic weapons were standing guard. They take down the Green People, glide into the base, and land, and while we are talking about gliding, I would like everyone who has ever tied a sheet or a furoshiki or whatever around their neck to play superhero with cape or wings or whatever, to be perfectly honest and raise their hands.
The two of them make their way into the base, and they see the missing nuclear ocean liner, and Jun jumps on a catwalk without looking, and a Green Person says stop, don't move, and Ken freaks, and leaps on the ceiling, and then the Green Person forces Jun into this yellow car, and Ken takes down the Green Person, and Jun is all oh my hero, like, more sexist portrayal by Tatsunoko, I mean, the girl has to be clueless and not look before she leaps (literally) and then has to be saved by the hero for her mistakes? I mean, really.
And the car starts moving along this track, and it is all something scarily like Tron, and Jun asks Ken if he knows where the car is going, and Ken doesn't know, of course, and says that he isn't doing the driving, and that there is no point in panicking, so as long as they're there, they may as well get the grand tour of the Galactor Base, which is probably the most intelligent thing I have ever heard him say. Then a red car with flashing lights passes by, and Ken wants to follow that car, and tries to press one of the buttons, but Jun stops him, pointing out that that could give them away, which is a really, really good point, and I almost have a heart attack because Jun is actually permitted to say something intelligent and productive. So Ken is like whatever, and so the car keeps going and it ends up following the little red car ANYWAY.
Cut to a purple face gloving up for surgery, only the entire OR team is wearing white, and I've been in lots of hospitals with blue scrubs and green scrubs, and I even used to work in a place that had pink scrubs, but for some reason I have yet to see a hospital that has white scrubs, so maybe I need to go work in a Galactor hospital. And the Fish Food Girl is blindfolded and tied down to the OR table, and I am cheering, but the Old Man is all like don't hurt her, please don't hurt her, and he's all sweating, but fortunately the purple face doesn't listen to him, and just says that they're going to start, and we see drills coming out of the ceiling, and I am cheering some more, and the Old Man is all, do as you want with me (which I am not even going to comment on), just spare the little girl, and the drills come down some more, but unfortunately just in the nick of time Ken and Jun leap out of the shadows and save Fish Food Girl from her fate, and I am terribly disappointed.
And the Galactor People say (surprise) "who are you" and Jun says Science Ninja Team, and Ken says Gatchaman, and when you stop and think about it, it's appropriate that Jun said SNT and not Ken. (BTW, I watched Gatch with my little sister last month, we were both thought it really strange about how Gatchaman was used to refer to G1 and G1 alone, and the others didn't really have names like that.) And the person with the purple face takes off his scrubs and mask, and it is (surprise) the Purple Doberman on Speed (copyright Lori-sama) and he says, good work getting in but you'll never get out, and Ken is like what kind of drugs are you on, and PDOS, instead of saying "speed", points to a time bomb, and disappears, and they all freak, and the Old Man hollers out of my way, and he grabs the time bomb, and Ken hollers "stop" but the Old Man wheels himself to the door, and there is an explosion, and a hole in the door, and there are scraps of metal strewn around, and the Old Man's pipe is still there, but there are no body parts, and FF Girl screeches, er, says, Mister, why did you have to die? We just got to be friends!" and picks up the pipe, and an alarm goes off, and Ken says let's go, and Ken takes one of FF Girl's hands, and Jun takes the other, and they run, and all I can think of is 1) if the bomb was supposedly powerful enough to make Ken and Jun freak, like the body of one Old Man with a Terminal Illness is going to block the blast and save them 2) if the blast was indeed weak enough to be blocked by the body of one Old Man with a Terminal Illness, like really there are going to be no body parts or articles of clothing of said Old Man strewn about, 3) holding a little kid's hand and running like that is a very good way to give the kid Nursemaid's Elbow.
And we get a bit of a fight sequence, as they make their escape, and Ken tells the Captain to take the passengers to the ship and make their escape, so I suppose that Galactor hadn't taken out the nuclear reactor just quite yet, and Cap'n is all, but what about you, and Ken is all heroic, "don't worry about us", and then we get a shot of Jun sticking her yo-yo bomb under a catwalk pillar and saying "this should do it" and running. Then we get the standard explosion and the standard destruction of the Galactor Base compliments of the SNT, and PDOS sees the ocean liner making its escape on his little monitor, and he is all curses, foiled again, but then he presses this yellow button, and we see the Popsicler, which is really kind of cute, open up its chest to fire missiles, and then its paws are also rockets, and let me just bring up here that when I was a (comparitively) little person, I liked watching those Giant Heroic Robot anime shows, and when the robots had fists that would become rockets, I would wonder if there were a salvage crew that went to look for the rockets after each battle and load them into some kind of truck to bring them back to base. Anyway, the Popsicler's paws hit the GP, and I just realized that walruses don't have paws, they have flippers. Jinpei freaks. Ryu wants to know what that is, and Ken says it's what froze the nuclear powered ships, and Jinpei freaks because it's keeping up with them. Ryu says leave it to me, but he ends up eating his words, because the Popsicler grabs the GP with its whiskers, and it gets all tied up in them, and it shakes the GP, which is kind of morbidly cute, and Ken is telling Ryu how to do his job again and Ryu is telling Ken that he can't do his job because of all the shaking going on. And then the Popsicler fires beams from the...I have no idea what they are, the pores of its nose, I suppose, and the beams kind of graze the GP, and Ken tells Ryu how to do his job, and this time Ryu manages to do it, and the Popsicler blows its blizzard breath at the GP, and it is encased in ice, and Ken says they'll have to pull the Science Ninja Power Hinotori!, and he pulls a lever, and he looks up, and his face is in black an white, and everything in GP is red, and Popsicler flies into the Hinotori, and is singed, and it falls to the iceberg in a mass of flames, and pieces of it, singed, fall to the Arctic Ocean, which is funny.
And we get at shot of the PDOS, who is all curses foiled again, and pounds his fist on the control panel of the escape mecha thing, which apparently he has in abundance, and he says, just you wait, Gatchaman, I'll come back with an even more powerful weapon and I shall destroy you, and he cackles, and you are thinking that he seriously needs drug rehab or something.
Then Ken and Jun are waving to the Captain and FF Girl, and they are all, goodbye, take care, thanks for everything, remember to floss, Happy Festivus. And NfH tells us, "the small pipe, left by the old man who gave up the remainder of his short life to save the little girl and the Science Ninja Team. It is held in the hand of the little girl, headed to see her mother. Gatchaman was happy that he had saved the little girl, and defeated Galactor," while we are forced to see the FF Girl cry, and all I can think of is 1) that first phrase wasn't even a sentence 2) why is FF Girl's ribbon on the left side of her head now?
O.K, cool stuff. The walrus was cute, though I didn't quite understand the rainbow beams. And PDOS actually showed determination to destroy at the end. That was cool.
And I learned that there can actually be a more annoying voice than Jun's.
(^-^)/))