Episode 22

Gatchaman vs. the Fire Eating Dragon

So the episode begins with the Narrator from Hell telling us that the International Science Organization had been working a very long time on the largest uranium factory in the world, and since Galactor was bound to show up at any given time, they had the Mammoth Tiger, which was even a more powerful weapon than the Godphoenix, guarding the place at all times, and the Mammoth Tiger is a plane that has tiger stripes painted all over it, like, how tacky can you get?

So suddenly it is all dark and there is black clouds and lightening and great big waves, and the oil tanker is rocking and you notice the crew is wearing a rather fashionable uniform with green berets, and one of them says what is wrong, which is the cue for the Galactor Menace of the Week to show up, and sure enough, there's a whirlpool, and one of the green berets shouts what is that, and right on cue the Galactor Menace of the Week emerges from under the water, like don't tell me that they had a so-called high tech plane guarding the skies and didn't have a high tech sub or at least some sort of sonar device observing the surrounding ocean, and the crew is freaking, and a claw or fang or whatever pierces the deck of the oil tanker, and planes take off from the Mammoth Tiger aircraft carrier aircraft, and the fighters fire missiles, but they have no effect, and the dragon mecha whips the fighters (literally) with its tail, and breaks them apart, and I suppose this is the commanding officer of the Mammoth Tiger carrier aircraft, because he is all incredulous that the Mammoth Tiger, the Most Powerful Weapon in the World, can do it no harm, and he says fire Tiger Missiles, and you begin to wonder if the person who designed this weapon is the same one who designed the Godphoenix, I mean, who else would keep in touch with the animal kingdom theme for even the missiles, but anyway, the Tiger Missiles are fired, and they detonate, and do absolutely no harm, and only seem to infuriate the Dragon, and the CO is incredulous, and the eyes of the dragon fire beams, which are supposed to be lasers I guess, but being in the line of work that I am in, when I think of a laser, I think of a very thin beam and not a wide one like the ones coming out of this mecha's eyes, and the fragments of the Mammoth Tigers fall on the uranium plant, and then the dragon dives underwater, and it wraps itself around the so-called uranium factory, and we see Berg "Purple Doberman on Speed" Katze order to send out the crab-shaped bulldozers and take all the uranium, and kill all the workers, because the factory is now theirs.

The round table of the ISO. The President wants Dr. Nambu to send in the Navy Seals...oops, wrong movie. Chief Anderson wants Dr. Nambu to send in the Science Ninja Team, and Dr. Nambu refuses, and there is a general discussion, and Chief Anderson is incredulous, and Dr. Nambu points out that the Science Ninja Team doesn't even have a chance in a hundred of winning, and a scientist with a mustache and a necktie cuts in to point out that The Science Ninja Team has made it through seemingly impossible situations before, and Dr. Nambu reminds us that we just saw three Most Powerful Weapons in the world get (literally) whipped by the dragon mecha, and Most Powerful Weapons were supposed to be even more powerful than the Godphoenix (duh), and that to engage the Science Ninja Team would be the same as telling them to die, and a scientist with a beard and round glasses with side frames asks if they are supposed to just watch and let Galactor do as they please, and there is a general discussion about what to do with the uranium factory, and the uranium among the (all male) scientists, and Dr. Nambu just crosses his arms and closes his eyes, going into denial mode or something, I think.

U.N fighters fire missiles at the now Galactor Occupied Undersea Uranium plant, and the missiles explode around the dragon mecha, which is still wrapped around the plant, and PDOS is like pesky jets, fry them, and the dragon mecha fires beams from its eyes, and they french fry the fighters, so I suppose the dragon took into account the refraction of light as it passes through the plane between water and air.

Dr. Nambu is looking out a window into the night sky, and Ken "Wonder Boy (because we wonder about him all the time)" Washio slips in unseen behind Dr. Nambu, and wants to know why the Team hasn't received orders to engage, and Dr. Nambu says that the ISO has requested the aid of the Team, but that he turned them down, and Ken says "turned them down!?", (wonder count 1: his hearing) and Dr. Nambu goes into the spiel about the Mammoth Tiger being a better weapon than the Godphoenix and how it was whipped (literally) out of the sky, in fact, whipped out of existence, and Ken says but they can't just sit and do nothing (wonder count 2: his logic) and Dr. Nambu says that the ISO will think of something, and until then the SNT is to await further instructions, and Ken does the eyes closed thing of deep thought, only he opens them to say that the Science Ninja Team will engage (wonder count 3: his disobedience against authority), and Dr. Nambu is all are you going to disobey orders, and Ken says that it is the duty of the Science Ninja Team to protect peace on earth (wonder count 4: wouldn't a simple yes have sufficed?) and Dr. Nambu says that it may come to giving up your life, and Ken says much too cheerfully that someone has to do it, and that is what the Science Ninja Team is for (wonder count 2.1: more of his logic), and he leaves the room, and Dr. Nambu probably not only needs his Ducolax, he also needs maintenance therapy on a nice strong antacid if he is going to continue to have a subordinate like Wonder Boy, and he has this look on his face as he says in a whispery voice, "Ken..." which I am not even going to comment on.

So we get a short establishing shot of the G-1 fitting itself into the tailfin of the G5, and Ken runs into the cockpit of the Godphoenix, and his wings are oversize in this shot for some reason, and Joe asks Ken if they have engagement orders from Dr. Nambu, and Ken says no, but they couldn't just sit there, and Jinpei is like of course not, we're supposed to be the Science Ninja Team, and I want to know what that has to do with anything, and Ken goes on to say that this mission may be the Science Ninja Team's last, and Dr. Nambu probably didn't give the order because he was worried about that very thing, but if they didn't do it, there wouldn't be anyone else to fight Galactor, so he gave the order for engagement, and I begin to wonder about Wonder Boy again, I mean, according to his logic, since no one else will fight the in-house Evil Terrorist Organization, the Team has to go fight a battle they have no chance of winning, so that they can get themselves killed, so that they can leave the world with no one to fight the in-house Evil Terrorist Organization, like I don't get it, but Joe says that he'd be thrilled to die taking Galactor with him, and Jun says she'll put her life in Ken's hands, and Jinpei and Ryu are all Gung-ho too, only Ryu looks frighteningly like an amphibious creature in this shot, and Ken is overwhelmed at their heroism, or mayb he's just overwhelmed at their stupidity.

Sunrise. Ryu and Jun admire it, Joe comments that it may be the last sunrise they see, which sounds slightly cornier than the state of Indiana, and Ken hollers places everyone, and Jun says roger, and they all run to their seats, and Joe presses a few buttons on his console, actually it looked more like he was pressing the same button a few times, and shouts Ken, radar picking up something to the northeast, only we see that the dragon mecha is still wrapped around the plant, so Joe needs to calm down, it's where you'd expected it to be, and one of the Galactor Green People say that the Godphoenix is headed this way, and PDOS is so you're here at last, today we will finish this once and for all, and hollers for the King Dragon to surface, so we figure out that the name of this mecha is the King Dragon, and before I go any further, I would like to ask if everyone knew right off the bat when they first saw this mecha that it was supposed to be a dragon, because this mecha is shaped like an oriental dragon, with a long slender body and tail, and very short limbs and wings in proportion to its body, which is the traditional appearance of an oriental dragon, but when you look at pictures of a European dragon, they have more stout torsos, and limbs and wings that are proportionately larger compared to their oriental counterparts, so this mecha may have looked more serpentine than dragon-like to a non-oriental.

GG says it's the GP. PDOS, who is not wearing lip gloss, says he's been waiting for them and that he will settle this today once and for all, and hollers King Dragon, surface, and we hear a roaring and the dragon unwraps itself from the refinery or whatever it is, and we get a shot of Ken freaking as the dragon surfaces. Jinpei says woo scary and Joe says he doesn't believe it, they're controlling something like this, and you'd think that by episode 22, they'd get used to the strange mechas that Galactor produces already, and the dragon roars, and it crosses the monitor of the Godphoenix, and Ken tells Joe to fire the Bird Missiles, and I guess we are not going to worry about Dr. Nambu's authorization today, since we are disobeying Dr. Nambu to begin with, and Joe is like whatever and he places his finger over the Bird Missile button, which is round and red without markings and has a clear flat cover today, and we see the missile fired and we see it detonate on the dragon, but it does no harm, and Ken says that it didn't feel a thing, like what else is new, and please excuse me as I scrub my mind ten strokes on each surface with surgical soap.

Joe says a bad word and fires one after another, and they detonate one after another, and still do no harm. PDOS, who must have made a trip to the ladies room between his appearance, since he is wearing lip gloss this time, is like fools, do you think that you can the King Dragon with toys like that, so we learn that the name of the mecha is King Dragon, and King Dragon climbs, and the Godphoenix climbs, and Ken leans on the lever while shouting Kagaku Ninpou Hinotori, and there is a beautiful picture of a Phoenix (mythological animal) heading straight for a Dragon (again, mythological animal), and the picture is really rather lovely, like one that I would have my New Year's Greeting Postcards, like, you have Christmas Cards to worry about on that side of the pond, and on this side of the pond you have New Year's greeting cards to worry about, like what if you don't send your supervisor one, and he does, or what if someone thinks the design you have selected inappropriate, or what if someone thinks your handwriting is messy, and PDOS snickers and is like drat you Science Ninja Team, die, and one of his Green People presses a button, and the King Dragon's mouth opens, and spews out flames which engulf the Firebird, and the Narrator from Hell cuts in to tell me that the Science Ninja Firebird can stand the phenomenally high temperature of 3000 degrees, but the King Dragon emitted and engulfed it with flames that were even hotter, and that it was a fire eating dragon, and I am thinking SHUT UP NfH, and the dragon flies rings around the Firebird, and the Godphoenix is singed and charred and all that good stuff, and it falls to the ocean, and you notice that the King Dragon is holding a ball in its claw, and the cackles, and you hear this acoustic enhancement echo as it does, and you begin to wonder if PDOS is using the same microphone as Sousai "Giant Blue Chicken" X, as we see the Team collapsed, apparently unconscious, in the cockpit of the Godphoenix.

Commercial break.

Water leaks into the Godphoenix as Ken struggles to get up, falls down, struggles to get up again, muttering something about the pressure going down, and about how that is a bad thing, and as he mutters this he stumbles into his seat and presses buttons on the console, and he talks to the Godphoenix, begging it to move, which it does, with flames coming out of its exhaust, though how there could be exhaust flames when they are underwater is anyone's guess, and Ken falls on the floor again, muttering something about it his being his fault, because he disobeyed orders, like, can you say "I told you so", and more water leaks into the Godphoenix, and we see lights, and it is a bunch of little subs like the one we saw in Episode 8, and a voice tells all vessels to commence retrieval of the Godphoenix at once.

And I suppose the retrieval went well, because we see Crescent Coral Base, with a school of fish swimming in front of the porthole/ window looking into the Science Ninja Team briefing lounge on the base, as if they would have that kind of space on an undersea base, and the Team and Dr. Nambu look like they need Prozac or something, and you notice that in the school of fish, all the fish are different colors, like how would different fish be swimming in the same school, and Ken is like we lost, and I am like you got that part right, and Joe wants Dr. Nambu to tell them if there is a way to defeat the King Dragon, and Dr. Nambu is still looking at the fish outside the window, like maybe he is wondering how different fish can be in the same school too, and he says that there is, but that he is going to have Red Impulse do it, and there is a crash sound, but I suppose they finally put away that piano that everyone was tripping on and the 3-year old was slamming all the time, because it wasn't a piano, but more like a synthesizer, and the Team freaks, and Joe is all upset, and says are you telling us that you can't count on us, and I am thinking tell him yes, Dr. Nambu, and Joe freaks some more saying Ken what are we going to do, Red Impulse is going to get a shot at Galactor before we do, while Ken sits in silence, and I wonder about Ken some more, and the telephone rings, and we cut to a different scene...

...in Dr. Nambu's office. Dr. N picks up his phone, as we see fish swimming outside his porthole, like WE GET THE POINT ALREADY, and Dr. N goes Nambu here, and a voice says it's me, I want out, and Dr. N is like what, and then we get a lovely picture of RI sitting at a desk that has Venitian blinds, and stripes of light are coming into the room and hitting RI, and you notice that RI has his feet on his desk, like I used to hate it when people put their feet on the table, like they thought it was cool or something, and when I was an intern/ translator in Naval Hospital Yokosuka, we had a lounge that for some reason Operations Management saw fit to use as a lounge for delinquents awaiting disciplinary action, and so we would have these people sitting in what was supposed to have been our lounge, which is in itself not that big a deal, but they would sit on the couch with their shoed feet up on the coffee table, which drove us crazy, because we intern/ translators were all Japanese, and so we come from a place where feet do not come in contact with tables, especially feet wearing shoes, I mean, we eat off of that table, and who knows where your feet have been, I mean, for all we know they could have been in the operating suite in the middle of a bowel resection, or they could have been in the nursery where someone had dropped a diaper that was well...not fresh. So RI says that he has some business he has to take care of in the tropical islands, and suggests giving the Science Ninja Team another try, and Dr. N asks RI if he intends to leave Ken to his fate, and RI says Ken is a big boy and that he can handle this, and Dr. N says that Ken has lost faith in himself and that if they send him in now he'll be doomed, and RI says that Ken is a man of the skies (whatever that means) and that he has faith in Ken (whatever that means) and this shot is a really cool one from up above, and RI hangs up on Dr. N, and he walks to the window and opens the Venitians and the little slits of light become broad stripes of light, which is really cool, and RI talks to the window saying Ken, don't give up, rise, stand up, you are my...

And everyone who is wondering what word was cut off by Ken's suddenly opening the door to Dr. Nambu's office was must go and watch the Star Wars Trilogy 100 times.

Ken says Dr. Nambu, please let us try, just once more, no, please, let us try, as many times as it takes, and Dr. Nambu, swathed in slitted reddish light, says all breathy-like, "Ken..."

NO COMMENT!! Next scene!

Jinpei flops down on a couch in the briefing lounge, like I thought an undersea base would be something like a ship and strapped for space, and not roomy like this, and it would certainly not have a couch as roomy as this, and Jinpei is like we wouldn't let a little thing like that get us down, and I am like whatever, and Jinpei says we'll get Galactor this time for sure, and Ken wonders what kind of plan Dr. Nambu has devised for them, since the Science Ninja Firebird won't work on the Dragon, it took advantage of the Firebird's weakness, and I am thinking WHY DON'T YOU THINK OF A PLAN YOURSELF WONDER BOY, and the double doors slide open, and Dr. Nambu strikes a pose with one hand on his hip in the doorway for a moment before walking in (no comment) and telling the Team to take a look at the new Godphoenix, and Ken is like the new Godphoenix, and Dr. N says it isn't really new, they just modified the body a bit so that it could tolerate the heat from the dragon, and points out the coils of whatever that have been wrapped around the Godphoenix, and says that inside the tubes is powerful Fleon gas, and Dr. N goes on to say that it works on the same principle as a refrigerator, compressed gas is sent into the pipes, absorbs the heat around it, and goes back to be compressed, and so on and so on until the compartment is cooled, and while he tells us this, the GP is spray painted blue and red again, and I suppose it is intentionally not Fluron gas, because goodness forbid the Science Ninja Team, heroes of the world, have to be protected by something like flurocarbons that would deplete the ozone layer. Ken likes the idea of deep freezing the Fire Eating Dragon, and Dr. N says that there's a catch, and Jun wants to know what it is, and Dr. N says that a negative charge bomb must be thrown into the Dragon, and I am like a what has to be thrown into the Dragon? and Joe is like what has to be thrown into the dragon? and Dr. N says that a reaction between the device on the GP and the negative charge bomb is necessary, whatever that means, and as Dr. N plunges the Team and the viewing audience into deeper confusion, we get images of a red and white top-like contraption surrounded by large colorful bubbles of light, like we weren't confused enough already, and Ken says we'll try it, team, please lend me your lives again, and I am trying to figure out which one is the biggest producer of corn, Kansas, Nebraska, or Wonder Boy, and so water flows around the GP, with the Taose Galactor song (a.k.a. Shupa Shupa song)as background music, and Dr. N says good luck, and let me say it one more time...why are there flames coming out of the exhaust when the engine is under water?

The Dragon is still wrapped around the uranium refinery, and the Team freaks, and Ken hollers stop, and the GP stops and drifts to the ocean floor, and Ken hollers at Ryu to turn all devices aboard the GP because any signal could tip them off that they are here, I mean, if that kind of signal were going to tip them off, I would think that his shouting would tip them off as well, and that Ken is going to go in alone to plant the negative charge bomb, and Joe wants all of them to go in there together, and Ken says that he has to do this, since he has the title role in this anime series after all, and that they'll carry out the plan at his signal, and that if they hesitate, it will mean death for them this time, so you can kind of see where all this is headed, and Ken leaves, and Joe tells Ryu to turn off all the devices, and Ryu does so.

Aboard the King Dragon, one Green Person says to another that he had picked up on a strange signal but that it had died right away, and the other Green Person says that it could be some sort of reconnaissance craft so they should be careful, and turns on a monitor, and we see fish, and that they're headed this way, and he is all happy because it would be nice to have fish once in a while, and tells them to send some electromagnetic waves to lure the fish into the King Dragon, like does Galactor not feed its men or something, and speaking of fish I had something really cruel and really delicious a couple of weeks ago when I went out to dinner with my boss and some other radiologists from a nearby hospital, and it was a live prawn, and my boss was all if you want to see a neat trick, pour some of your sake on the prawn, and gullible little innocent I was, I did as he said, and the prawn JUMPED ABOUT THREE FEET IN THE AIR and landed on the tatami, and so I had to go chase it, and after I picked it up the server explained to me that I had to tear the head off and peel off the outer shell, and so I did, and every time I tore, the little legs of the prawn would wriggle in my hand, which was really morbid, and I was told that I should dip it in soy sauce and wasabi (a kind of hot mustard for those of you not into Japanese cuisine) and take a bite out of it, and so I did, and it was absolutely delicious, very firm and faintly sweet and nutty, and I enjoyed every single morsel of it, in spite of the fact that the legs would wriggle in my hand every time I took a bite. So anyway, a hatch in the King Dragon is opened, and the fish swim into the dragon and...

Oh my.

One of the fish that has swum into the King Dragon's holding pool starts to wriggle underwater, only it isn't really the tuna that it was pretending to be, but Ken wearing a TUNA SUIT so that he could penetrate the mecha while disguised as a fish, and I thank you all in advance for not asking me if I am making this up, because I'm not, it's Tatsunoko, nothing is impossible, and I would also like to thank you in advance for not asking how on earth Ken 1) got the idea of disguising himself as a tuna 2) got his hands on a tuna suit 3) avoided getting the bends. As Ken swims underwater, a Green Person gets a glimpse of him, and says what is that and Ken grabs his leg and pulls him into the water and leaps up on a catwalk or electrical line or whatever the conveniently located overhead piece of architecture is, and grins at the Green People below, and sadistically throws little grenades at them, and I suppose the explosion shot was cut out of Battle of the Planets, and PDOS freaks that Gatchaman has penetrated the mecha, and that Gatchaman actually still has a pulse, and we get more elaborate fighting sequences as PDOS says that all the doors to the machine rooms must be closed right away, lest Gatchaman get in, as if it matters where Ken plants the negative whatever as long as it is inside the mecha, but that would take away the excuse for an elaborate fight sequence, and we wouldn't want that, would we, and Ken is chased by the Green People, and Ken throws more grenades and walks on the ceiling and turns cartwheels and back handsprings and the door to the machine room, which is a door that closes downward, is closing, so Ken throws a Green Person between the door, and the Green Person screams as the closing door presses against his body, like, gee, that was a nice thing to do, Ken, and Ken slides into the room through the opening, and pants into his wristcom this is Gatchaman, Godphoenix, continue as planned, and the GP climbs up from behind its hiding place behind the undersea landscape, and the Dragon unwraps itself from the uranium refinery, and PDOS says to kill Gatchaman and burn the GP into a crisp, and Ken attaches the what was it? Oh, yes, the negative charge bomb, whatever that means, to a very-important-looking machine in the room, and just as he does, Green People come pouring into the room by hundreds, and Ken is like I've been expecting you , and we get a shot of the GP flying and the Dragon surfacing, and PDOS is like now, burn it to a crisp, and Joe tells Ryu it's showtime, and Ryu presses a button, and the GP does the Science Ninja Firebird, only the Firebird is blue instead of red, and the...oh yeah, the negative charge bomb, yes, that thing, it starts ticking, and Ken is happy that it worked, and Ken leaps over the Green People, and as they begin to chase him, they conveniently freeze in their tracks, and the wave of ice closes in on Ken himself, and Ryu says that the Fire Breathing Dragon is falling, and Jun points out that Ken hasn't escaped yet, which is an excellent point, and we see more iced Green People, and Ken is sitting curled up in a corner, not moving, not looking for an exit or anything, but laughs an ironic laugh, and goes on about how it is the end for him, and it's cold, goodbye, and the icy area closes in on him some more, and FOR SOMEONE WHO WAS GOING TO KEEP TRYING UNTIL HE DEFEATED THE DRAGON MECHA, KEN SURE DOES GIVE UP EASILY, and Jun screeches into her wristcom Ken, Ken, please answer, and says "Joe!" in a pleading voice, and Joe says that he has faith in Ken (whatever that means) and that Jun should keep calling him, and the King Dragon crumbles some more, and we see Ken still curled up in a corner some more, and we hear Jun's voice over Ken's wristcom still screeching Ken, Ken, and Ken mutters something about wanting to have seen Red Impulse one more time, and so the fanfic writers can have a field day with how Jun's voice is ignored as Ken muses about a reunion with RI as a representation of how Ken feels about RI as opposed to how he feels about Jun, and Ken nods as if he is going to fall asleep, only there is a crack in the wall behind him, and light enters the crumbling mecha, and Ken jumps out, and the Dragon explodes, and the ball the dragon had in its claw falls, and the ball opens to reveal an escape craft, and you begin to wonder if the escape craft had insulation or something, and PDOS is, of course, on the escape craft, and he cackles about how the Dragon is an appropriate coffin for Gatchaman.

The Godphoenix flies, and everyone is looking down, and Jinpei says Ken and Ryu says what is that, and it is Ken floating in the sea face down, and he gets up, and waves at them, and Jinpei is like Ken, and Jun gets all teary-eyed, and makes her way into Joe's arms, and Joe holds her and pats her on the back, and the NfH tells us that the phoenix came back to life and buried the Fire Breathing Dragon at the bottom of the sea, and that until Galactor is defeated, until the day peace returns to Earth, Gatchaman will not be defeated, Gatchaman is invincible.

I do not like the way Ken behaved on this episode at all, from start to finish.

Oh, you figured that out? Gee, how did you know?

Anyway. I do not like the way Ken behaved on this episode, but I think that this is a very good episode.

For one thing, it showed an interesting point about the chain of command for the Science Ninja Team, because although they seem to have a lot to do with the ISO, they answer to Dr. Nambu, and Dr. Nambu, who is supposed to be a subordinate of Chief Anderson, is permitted to turn down Chief Anderson's request, as he did when the SNT was requested at the beginning of the episode to combat the Dragon Mecha.

But the most important is the beautiful artwork. The artistry and symbolism behind the phoenix and the dragon battling one another in midair...the phone call scene with the slits of light coming in through the Venitian blinds to hit Red Impulse...I dare you to name one Made in USA T.V. cartoon from the early 70s that incorporated that kind of artistry in its storytelling.

I've always said that anime is a part of Japanese culture that we can be very proud of. By chance, I hit upon an anime series about as old as I am as a vehicle to meet people. I have managed to accomplish this (and how!). But through discussing feelings about the characters and storylines, I have also come to understand some of the people I have met...and I have come to understand myself better, too. Global understanding through Gatchaman? Sure, why not?

Happy New Year!