Disclaimer: If you read this entry of the Production Diaries, you will find out what happens in episode 25 of the TV animation series "Gatchaman". If you do not want to see what happens, please do not read this entry. If you worship the stated television series and are offended by any and all criticism directed at it, please do not read the Diary. The author is not associated with or related to Tatsunoko or Sandy Frank or Saban or Turner or any other of those places. The views stated in the Diaries are those of the author, unless otherwise stated. I do this for fun and not profit. All input including flames and death threats are welcome at ayakorad@sb.gunma-u.ac.jp but please no viruses or hacking as this is a university server which also provides services to a medical school and a hospital and you may be endangering lives if you do so.

(Mostly written while watching Batman Forever on the evening of February 22, 1998 with minor revisions afterwards.)

(Just to let you know that I did pass Earth Science in junior high and I know that melted rock is called magma when it is underground and lava when it is above ground, unfortunately the scriptwriters of this episode did not. They liberally interchange the words magma and yougan (lava in English), so if I get my magma and lava mixed up, please blame it on the scriptwriters and not me.)

And this is another episode opening with words from the Narrator, and since he sounds like the jidaigeki (period play with ninja and samurai and lords and princesses and NO FEMALE WARRIORS LIKE, SEXIST MUCH?) narrator from hell, when I translate he becomes the Western show narrator from hell.

And we see footage of Yellowstone National Park�Eo, wait the narrator is telling us that this the most famous national park in the nation of Ameris, Bluestone National Park.

Let me get over the name...

This is not working...

Okay, where do these people come up with these place names? Utoland I can live with, and Ameris, it is now obvious, is a play on America, but the one I think is the best (or worst, depending on your point of view) is by far, I think, Hontwol. Why? Because it is, in Japanese, pronounced Hontowaaru. Hontou wa aru. As in, "really exists". Get it?

I think I'm all right now that I've shared that with everyone.

So our Narrator from Hell goes on that the main attractions of Bluestone National Park, are, in addition to the beautiful natural surroundings, are definitely the hot springs, rare in Ameris, and the heads of past Presidents carved in a 500-meter wall of rock...

 Whatever.

(BTW, I listened carefully till the end of the episode for the Narrator from Hell or whoever to call the thing "Mount Rushless" or something, but that was not to be.)

And that the face of Jesus Christ was also being carved for the past several years alongside the presidents' heads, so we know that Ameris isn't as much like the US as we thought because I can see lobbyists having grand mal seizures at Jesus Christ gracing Mt. Rushmore, because the Fundamentalists wouldn't want Christ next to something as lowly as former presidents, and the Politically Correct people wouldn't want a religious symbol alongside political figures. But that is the US and not Ameris, so Jesus Christ's head, a three generation project, was almost complete.

Perhaps I should mention a few things about Christianity in Japan. The first Christianity brought to Japan was in the late 16^th century, (Catholicism, of course), complements of the Spaniards. The Tokugawa regime (of James Clavell's "Shogun" fame) persecuted Christians, and they were either executed, converted to Buddhism, or went into hiding. This was about when began sakoku, or closed country policy, strictly regulating (but not cutting off!) contact with foreign countries. The country did not open its doors fully again until the 1850's. Christianity again became respectable; more than that, it became exotic, cultured, and (get this) fashionable. Yes, Christianity is fashionable (for non-Christians anyway...for the Christians, Christianity is faith and a way of life and has ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING to do with fashion) and romantic. Christian weddings with white wedding gowns and (preferably caucasian) priests (usually priests, not ministers, though I suspect that many Japanese wouldn't know the difference) are very popular, and there is something about making wedding vows to deity you probably don't know much about...Christmas is a holiday for young people...the thing to do is (I kid you not) get dressed up, have dinner with the SO and then get a room. I always thought that was kind of weird, given the nature of the birth celebrated...

Yes, I know, this is supposed to be the Production Diaries.

So we see a young girl with blonde hair chipping away at the stone, putting the finishing touches on the Christ head, and she says this should do it, and climbs down the rock. From the ground below she looks up and says, oh it is all done, Grandfather all we have to do is to carve the Virgin Mary alongside and we'll be done, never mind the fact that Grandfather is nowhere in sight. So if the Christ figure took three generations, the Virgin Mary figure will take another three generations, so I suppose her grandchild is going to say, "Oh Grandmother it is all done, all we have to do is carve Joseph alongside" when the young girl (though she probably will not be a young girl) is no where in sight.

The girl drives away in her jeep. And in true Galactor device tradition we see the eyes of the Christ figure emit a sinister glow.

Then we get more of the Narrator from Hell, saying "meanwhile, at the International Volcanic Research Center of the International Science Organization," like isn't that word "meanwhile" so absolutely NARRATOR specific? Anyway, the International Volcanic Research Center is located on a small volcanic island, and their Important Research which is part of the Mantle Project, is about changing the underground gas into fresh air.

And I guess the man with a mustache (WHY ARE ALL THE SCIENTISTS MALE? SEXISM, TATSUNOKO?) is the chairman of the research center, and he is happy that progress is being made and will be able to help people suffering from air pollution all over the world. (Reference to Minamata disease and the air pollution in Japan, perhaps?) And his assistant says now all they have to do is to build pipelines to the schools and hospitals that suffer from that evil pollution. So the chief says, great, let's start right now.

Um...ALL YOU HAVE TO DO? You are on a remote volcanic island and you call building pipelines to schools and hospitals in polluted (I am assuming densely populated) areas "all you have to do"? And did you consider that building pipelines is pollution in itself? What material do you expect to use? Metal, which will corrode? Plastics, whose production is a cause of pollution in itself?

Sosai, a.k.a. the Giant Blue Chicken, says to Berg Katze, a.k.a. the Purple Doberman on Speed (copyright Lori McDonald-sama) that the ISO has found a way to change volcanic gas into clean air, so the time has come to show their stuff and destroy the base and with their Magma Giant. So I suppose Sosai wants not to conquer a clean earth but likes his acquisitions polluted. Katze says yes sire and presses a button.

Then we hear very sinister music and see the head of Christ on Mt. Rushmore retracting.

Meanwhile...

Sorry, I think the Narrator is contagious...

The said pipelines are being laid in the research center. The earth trembles, and the assistant says that it looks like there is going to be another volcanic eruption, and the Chief says that there are barriers to stop the flow. Suddenly, a 6-pointer on the Richter scale jolts him off his feet.

Cut to the volcano. There is lava and ash and rock spewed out. We see the Magma Giant, which looks like a nudist hippie covered with orange goop, emerge from the lava flow. People are scared (hey you'd be too if a nudist hippie covered with orange goop the size of a tall building were walking in your direction) and it steps across the so-called lava barrier, which is kind of cute when you think about it. The scientist yells Chairman, the lava barriers are not doing a thing, we have to evacuate.

Shots of the Giant Nudist Hippie Covered With Orange Goop making a general nuisance of himself.

Then we get a shot of a tech screaming it's a disaster, the Giant Nudist Hippie Covered With Orange Goop is stepping on the Volcanic Research Center facilities and smashing them one by one, it's coming closer and closer, oh no, help...and the tech's voice becomes a bit fuzzy and then we get a shot of a tape recorder on Dr. Nambu's desk. The recording of the tech's voice ends with a scream, and then we get at shot of Dr. Nambu looking like he hasn't had a bowel movement in quite a while.

Nambu says that the Volcanic Research Center is a great loss for the ISO and The device to change toxic gas into pure air was also smushed even though they'd worked so hard on it, and I am thinking he needs to be put on maintenance therapy of Metamucil.

And Ken is wondering what he meant about a giant wrapped in lava, and Joe sas it has to be Galactor's doing because they are inherently evil and building a giant wrapped in lava for them would be easy. Jun says yes, Joe's right and I am wondering do you EVER say anything besides "yes that's right?"

Joe says he doesn't want to see Dr. Nambu look depressed like this, so let's go. The Team says Dr. Nambu and Ken says they are going to fly to the Volcanic Research Center and search the premises for leads, like go ahead and tell your Commanding Officer what HE is going to tell you, Ken.

And Dr. Nambu probably just wants them to leave so he can take his Ducolax, because he says whatever. The Team hollers Roger and then we get the Standard Shot of them running toward the Godpheonix, leaping on to the bubble, the GP being covered with water, GP leaving Crescent Coral, emerging from the water, and taking off.

Cut to the volcanic island. The GP is flying over the ruins of the research center. Jinpei says what a mess, and Jun, instead of saying something like "looks better than your room", says looks like something out of the otherworld below. Ken says it reminds him of the City of Death destroyed by the jellyfish lens, which is an episode I haven't seen yet, so I can't comment on it. Ken tells Ryu to circle around to look for leads and Ryu says you got it. Then we get a shot of the giant footprints and Ryu hollers what is that and Joe says they're the Magma Giant's Footprints.

Jinpei says they sure are big, my feet are size 22 (that's size 3 kids for you non-Japanese kid-shoe shoppers), so his must be something like 2000 or 3000, which I thought was a pretty cute line, but Jun says Jinpei, oh, really, so she doesn't have much in the way of a sense of humor, I guess.

Ken says follow those footprints. Ryu says "Roger!" Ryu and Jinpei comment on the general atmosphere. Jinpei says he's kind of scared. Joe says Jinpei, be brave, like if you could just be brave because someone told you to that would be way too easy. Joe says to Ken the footprints lead into the mouth of the volcano, and Ken says okay, we'll follow them as far as we can, and I am wondering what temperature the Godpheonix is going to melt.

But I am regretting this thought deeply. You should always be careful what you wish for because it may come true, because I hear the Narrator from Hell telling me that Gatchaman and his team went down into the red hot volcano, would the GP be able to stand the phenomenal temperature of 5000 degrees Celsius (BTW, multiply by 1.8 and add 32 to convert to Farenheit), even in the Kagaku Ninpo Hinotori, which the GP can barely create, the limit is 3000 degrees.

Whatever.

Then we get a shot of team sweating only the beads of sweat aren't falling downward at all, and we see the GP going further into the volcano.

Jun reads the thermometer reading for the outside temp, which is 2000 degrees, and Ryu says the footprints are gone. Joe says if the footprints are gone it means that the Magma Giant went into the lava so maybe there's a base inside the volcano, and I am not sure if that logic makes sense, like maybe the Magma Giant wanted to bathe himself in lava because it is, after all, what he is made of.

Jun says in her flirty-goody-goody voice current outside temp, 2800 degrees, Ken, we can't take much more of this, and I am thinking I can't take much more of her annoying voice.

Jinpei says look, pointing to a cave. Ken says it may lead to something, and I am thinking, yes, the end of the tunnel. Ken says Ryu, take us into that tunnel, but Jun says it's too big a risk because it is getting too hot for the GP, and I am so very proud of her for saying something else besides "that's right!" and Ryu the GP is going to explode any moment. Ken says a bad word before whining that they can't follow their only lead, and I am thinking auto bad word kick, Ken-chan!

Cut to the Purple Doberman on Speed, who says Katze fools, you have come again, SNT, this time I'll send you to Hell for sure, and he laughs sinisterly and, presses a button, and I am wondering if he can't rent that button to the people of Kagoshima in Kyuushu so they don't have to live in fear of volcanic eruptions.

We see lava bubbling and rock falling and Jun says oh no, there's volcanic activity so half of me is thinking no duh and the other half is thinking maybe there is hope for you yet, Jun-chan.

Ken hollers full power and pull up and Ryu says roger.

Then we see the Giant Nudist Hippie Covered With Orange Goop. Joe says what is it and Jinpei says it's the Magma Giant. Joe says I've seen that face before someplace, and for a second I am wondering if he isn't its father. Ken says to get away as fast as they can, and Ken and Jun are hollering instructions at Ryu how he should fly the GP and if I were Ryu I would be telling them to shut up and leave the flying to me, but Ryu is much nicer than I am so he flies the plane to avoid being grabbed by the Giant Orange Hippie. His grabbing sends GP in a spin toward the ocean.

We get a shot of the GP steaming on the beach. The Team in the seawater, no, not in bathing suits but in Birdstyle. Ryu says that was close, is everyone all right, and wonders why the Orange Hippie didn't follow them all the way into the ocean. Jun suggests that maybe he saw all the smoke and figured he'd done the job. Ken says or maybe the Orange Hippie couldn't follow them because he was afraid to get wet because if magma cools, it's no different from ordinary rock.

Joe says he remembers where he'd seen that face before, and I am hoping he will say something about a hot steamy night in New Jork or someplace, but unfortunately all he says is that it looks like the face of Christ in Bluestone National Park.

So of course we go to Bluestone National Park in the nation of Ameris, and of course we get a shot of the Sculptor Girl in her Jeep stopping in front of what is not Mt. Rushmore. The Girl is puzzled that the face of Christ is different from the one she carved, and begins to climb the rock.

Ken is wondering who it is, and Joe says that it could be Galactor. Ken says let's investigate. They make their way up the rock, and Joe grabs the girl and says we are the Science Ninja Team and she will show them around or else. He drags her into a cave which is conveniently located in what is not Mt. Rushmore. Jun looks at the Sculptor Girl and says oh, you're a woman. The Girl says there's got to be a mistake, because she isn't Galactor, she is just a sculptor and Joe says we'll see and yells at her to stand and take them inside. The Girl says sarcastically, well you sure are a trusting soul, aren't you, and I am thinking you go girl. Sculptor Girl says you're asking for it and Jinpei is impressed at her spunkiness, but Ken says to Joe that he should be more gentle to a girl, and I am thinking I thought it was Joe who was supposed to be the Ladies' Man.

The Sculptor Girl leads them inside to a large vat of boiling lava, and I am thinking if she knew all this was going on from having been carving the Christ figure, why didn't she report it to the authorities?

Ken is impressed, says it is like a station of Hell, and I am thinking that the line is perhaps a religious meta-reference. Joe says to be careful not to get too close to the vat because there is toxic gas. Jun is asking Ken if he thinks it has something to do with what is not Mt. Rushmore.

The Giant Blue Chicken and The Purple Doberman on Speed are conspiring to attack a place called the Green City, which in the center of a dormant volcano on Califoria Penninsula, and my sister was born in Orange City, CA. (No, it has nothing to do with the plot but I had to share that with everyone anyway. And Califoria is not a typo, that is what the GBC said. Apparetnly the Green City is a special place being developed by the ISO. GBC is telling PDOS to beware of the SNT even though the Giant Hippie is powerful. PDOS, who is not as familiar with McGuyver's First Law as the GBC is, protests that the SNT has already been eliminated. GBC says he is always right, and that he has a plan. PDOS bows and says yes sir.

Cut to the Team (besides Ryu, who is doing the sitting inside the GP routine, bless his heart). There is a movement in the machinery and Jun says look out, jump. We see graspers grasp a rock in the shape of Christ's head, and place it in the vat of lava. The ceiling opens and light enters, and Jinpei says far out, this must be the bottom of the lake. We see the Giant Hippie forming with the help of the sunlight pouring into the lava, and I am impressed at the environmentally friendly Galactor Mecha producing technology, which beats building PIPELINES to remote locations. To which Ken says I get it! (and I am thinking well that is something new), the bottom of the lake lined with glass, and the lake acts as a lens to channel solar energy to heat the lava. To which Jun says where is the Magma Giant going, I think we need to find out, don't we.

To which I say NO DUH, but Ken just says all right, let's go, but they are surrounded by the Green Guys. The PDOS says this time he will send them to a non-geographical location for sure by throwing them into the magma (yes, he said magma), but instead the Green Guys end up in the magma instead, and I am wondering how BotP and G-Force syurped its way out of this one.

Ken says Ryu, I need you here, now, which I am not even going to comment on. Ryu says Roger and brings the GP in. They leap on to the bubble, remembering to take Sculptor Girl with them. Ken tells Ryu, full power on the GP and Ryu is only too happy to oblige.

Ken orders everyone to take their places, and says they'll make sure this base becomes non-functional, and tells Jun to take care of the girl, who STILL doesn't have a name. Jun says roger. Ken orders the Bird Missiles fired, and the missile breaks the glass and the lake water floods the base.

Ken tells Ryu to burn more fuel, and they emerge from the lake. Then we get Dr. Nambu over the GP monitors with Emergency Orders because the Giant Hippie is doing what the GBC told it to do. The emergency orders are, of course, search and destroy.

And we get shots of the Giant Hippie approaching the city and the people of the city running and screaming things like get out of here, we'll be crushed.

The PDOS is obviously not familiar with the McGuyver Effect, because he is disappointed that the SNT was still alive. He tells the Giant Hippie to destroy the SNT and to follow it to the ends of the earth if that's where it takes him.

Cut to the G-3 and G-4 vehicles , which let the Orange Hippie get close but not close enough.

PDOS is unhappy and tells the Orange Hippie to break Gatchaman apart. The G-2 joins in luring the Orange Hippie toward the sea, and you can already see how it is going to end. Ken says from the G-1, keep going, good work, you're almost in the sea.

Jinpei says I'm ready! Aniki, I think it's going to work, and I am thinking of course it is going to work, kid, McGuyver's First Law. Jun says I'm ready, good luck, Ken, and Ken gets to lure the Orange Hippie into the ocean, and the lava cools and it turns to pumice.

And Ken yells timber and Nudist Hippie Covered with Orange Goop crumbles and falls face forward into the sea and it looks like a crucifix, and Ken didn't really say "timber" but you get the point.

Sculptor Girl says I guess it has to be done all over again, and Jinpei asks her why she is carving someone's face on a cliff. Jun says Jinpei, you shouldn't say things like that, and I am thinking Jun shouldn't say things, period, in that annoying voice of hers.

Sculptor Girl says that the carving is her prayer for eternal peace, just as it was for her father and her grandfather, and that she is going to pray that the SNT's dreams of world peace come true, and keep carving the face of Christ.

And as we see Sculptor Girl chip away at the stone with a sunset (what else) as a backdrop, The Narrator From Hell says, "Seeing the girl praying for peace and dedicating her life to carving the stone figures, Gatchaman and his friends had fighting spirit burn anew inside them."

Please insert Ayako's standard excuse for bad translation of narration here.

And I am wondering which is more evil, the Giant Blue Chicken or the Narrator.

Probably the latter.

(^-^)/))