Hikaru Gosunkugi vs. Sasuke Sarugature

The Setting:

It was a sunny day in Fuurinkan High School, the perfect setting for a lunch break. The students were all outside, eating and talking in groups, or sitting alone off to the side. Hikaru Gosunkugi was among the latter. He sat under the shade of a tree as he ate, watching his darling Akane from afar. "She's so beautiful when she smiles..." He thought to himself as he watched Akane laughing with her friends.

Just then, Ranma walked over to Akane, and started to speak with her. Hikaru clenched his fists, and thought, "That jerk... Ranma, I will wipe you off the face of this earth no matter what it takes!" He opened up his school bag, and searched for some of his voodoo paraphenalia. Finding nothing, he sighed. Perhaps he would have to let Saotome escape unharmed today. Just then, he spotted Upperclassman Kunou strolling through the school grounds carrying his bokken and wearing his usual kendo attire.

Gosunkugi thought to himself, "Kunou... Yes, I have the perfect plan! First I'll need to enlist his help, though... After he got beat up in my last plan, I'll need something to entice him with. Some quick pictures of Akane will suffice." He stood up, having finished his lunch, and ran off toward the bushes for better cover while he snapped a few shots.

Meanwhile, Tatewaki was strolling along with his faithful ninja Sasuke at his side. He said to his servant, "Wither Nabiki Tendou, Sasuke? I must have more pictures of my beloveds, Akane and the Pig Tailed Girl!"

Sasuke said, "I don't know, master... Maybe she didn't come to school today?"

Kunou frowned, and said, "That just won't do! Get out of my sight, Sasuke, and don't return without pictures of Akane and the Pig Tailed Girl!"

Sasuke bowed fearfully, and quickly dissapeared into the shadows using one of his ninja tricks. Tatewaki continued walking along, starting to daydream about his loves.

While all this was happening, Gosunkugi had gotten into position, and was snapping pictures of Akane with his camera. They wouldn't be among the best shots he had taken, but Kunou would be interested in them regardless. Before he could finish the roll of film, he heard a voice from behind him that said, "You there! Hand over that camera!"

Hikaru turned around and saw the small ninja standing there, doing his best to look threatening. He said, "You want my camera? Well, you're going to have to come get it." He reached into his school bag and grabbed ahold of his mallet, ready to defend himself from attack if necessary.

Sasuke pulled out a small bokken, and said, "Prepare yourself, brigand!" The two of them prepared to face off behind the bushes, while the Fuurinkan student body continued eating their lunch oblivious to the fight about to start.

Commentary:

Spanner

I think that the results here are pretty clear. Sasuke may well be the clumsiest ninja alive, but he DOES possess a full complement of Ninja Skills (tm). He's fast, agile, and able to use sticky netting, throwing stars, and other Ninja Gear (tm). Unfortunately, he tends to use that gear rather inaccurately. But I don't think that this is going to cost him in a fight with Gosunguki, who has almost zero fighting skill. Gosunguki's only chance lies with Sasuke accidentally tying himself up long enough for Gosunguki to conk him over the head with a hammer. Actually, knowing Sasuke, that's not terribly unlikely. Still, I think Sasuke will win.

Stephen Schlueter

Alas, poor Hikaru. I knew him well. The truth is that, as a fighter Sasuke sucks. But Hiraku Gosunkugi is even worse. Sasuke at least has *some* attacks while Gosunkugi is too cowardly to even think of fighting Kuno, for crying out loud. This is a closer match than the battle between Hikaru and Tsubasa but Gosunkugi should probably just retire from fighting all together.

Ryunnosuke

Reach advantage. Gosunkugi is taller and can swing farther. Power advantage (yeah right!). The mallet will presumably cause more damage, IF it hits. Because Gos and Sasuke share the same stamina,(ie one hit knocks either out usually) Sasuke would seem like he would win thru use of ninja speed. However, they're fighting in bushes, so Gos would have a better chance to his since Sasuke has to dodge the foilage as well as the mallet.

MasterManG

I'll be simple. Sasuke can fight, however poorly when compared to even the weakest of the recurring characters, Sasuke can still fight, and probably whoop the snot out of a normal human, if not induce puncture wounds from his shuriken.  Gosunkugi can not fight and even with the mallet he would probably still get beaten into the ground by any normal person with a modicum of skill in brawling (a schoolyard bully would suffice).  The only way he could win is if one of his rituals worked, and he doesn't have time to use those.  Sasuke is used to surviving in the trap-filled Kunou mansion as well as enduring the abusive treatment of the Kunous themselves.  That being said  a relatively determined freshman could shake down Gosunkugi for his lunch money.  The only times he has ever actually threatened someone is in the manga during the Ranma and Juliet story, when he threatened to drive a spike through the head of an unconcious Akane.  He wouldn't have done it to her, he was bluffing, and I doubt he would have the testicular fortitude to inflict such a grisly death on anybody.  In short: He's in neck-deep [explitave deleted].

The F*cking Otaku

This'll be close, accually if you think about it, there practically the same character, One is kuno's sidekick in the Manga, the other in the Anime. Really, one is a pathetic ninja who almost ZERO skill in his profession, the other is a pathetic Voodoo shaman, with almost ZERO skill in his profession. It's a battle of the Comic relief here, and I would say it would be a tie, but if Sasuke is gonna use a bokken, then Gos. will win since we know Gosunkugi knows how to use his hammer, but really, when have you EVER seen Sasuke use ANY weapon, let alone a bokken. Basically, Gos. will get his first win, at least that I've ever seen, since thats the only advantage in this fight, other wise they're at the same level: PATHETIC!!!!!!

Jade Serpent

After his horrifying battle with that animated mailbox and vending machine, Gosunkugi would have developed a mild resistance to pain (a la Bakusai Tenketsu training) but by the same token, that would mean that Sasuke would have a resistance to damage comparable to some of the more mainstream characters, as he is abused and beaten by BOTH the Kunos in the course of helping them train, cooking their meals, feeding Midorigami, etc...  Hmm... on the other hand, if Sasuke was familiar with Gos-kun, he might be led to underestimate him, having not been privy to the beating he got from Tsubasa earlier in the arena.

The Fight:

The two stood there for a moment, in a precarious standoff. Each looked at the other, taking his opponent very seriously indeed as they looked for any opening they could get to strike. Gosunkugi was the first to act.

He said, “Here you go... I’ll give you all the rolls of film that I have if you just leave me alone.” He pulled his hand out of his schoolbag, and quickly struck out at the diminutive ninja with his wooden mallet. As he stepped forward to swing the weapon down, he tripped over a root and fell flat on his face.

Sasuke, who was taken completely by surprise by the mallet sneak attack, threw his arms up over his face in panic. Once he had realized that his opponent had fallen to the ground in front of him, however, he laughed, “Ha ha! Your sneaky tricks won’t work on me! Now, take this!” The ninja pulled out a handful of small bombs, and threw them down at Gosunkugi.

Hikaru saw the attack coming, and got scared. He brought his schoolbag up to block his face, but for some strange reason, the explosives didn't go off. They simply bounced off the schoolbag, and rolled along the ground back under Sasuke. The small ninja exclaimed, "Oh no!" just before all of them exploded underneath him.

A few seconds later, the dust cleared. Sasuke was standing there, looking a bit frazzled from all the explosives. Gosunkugi stood back up, not believing that the attack had failed. He thought to himself, "This must be a divine blessing! The heavens have willed that I protect my pictures of Akane from this devil!" He gripped his mallet tightly, consumed with a sense of purpose.

Sasuke finally recovered from the force of his own attack. He shook his head to clear it out, and saw his opponent advancing on him, the mallet being wielded menacingly. He said in his best threatening voice, "Those who defy House Kunou will be punished!" He pulled out his net, and threw it out suddenly at the approaching Voodoo student. Gosunkugi was caught completely by surprise, and was wrapped up in the net, falling over.

Sasuke simply stared at his downed adversary for a moment, blinking his eyes a few times. This attack had never once worked in all of his service as a ninja. He was at a loss for what to do. Suddenly, he smiled. "I'll finish off this fool with style! Hah hah!" He got a running start, and then leapt high into the air with his bokken, preparing an overhand strike. As he started to descend, he gave a battle cry, which was cut short when he hit a tree branch with his face. He fell to the ground right next to his intended target, groaning.

The small ninja stayed where he was, barely conscious. His eyes blinked a few times as he tried to get his senses back. At the same time, Gosunkugi was struggling against the net he was caught in. By some miracle, in his struggling, he had managed to catch part of the net on a twig, and rip a sizeable hole in it. It still took him over a minute to get out.

Sasuke came out of his daze, and started to get back to his feet. He saw that Gosunkugi was already standing next to him, offering him a hand to get up. He wasn't sure if the fight was over or not, but he couldn't refuse such a polite gesture. He offered the young student his hand.

Gosunkugi grabbed Sasuke's hand, and shouted, "Ha, ha! I have you now!" With a quick motion, he plucked one of the small hairs off of Sasuke's hand, and then ran back behind a bush. Sasuke was quite confused... he was open for a much more painful attack than simply a hair plucking. It didn't stop him from standing all the way up, and readying his bokken again, though.

The freshman emerged from the bushes finally, but he looked much different. Two small candles were bound to his head by a white headband that he had just put on, and oddly enough, both candles were lit. In one of his hands, he held a voodoo doll, and in the other, he held his trusted mallet. He grinned rather maliciously at his foe, and said, "Now... the final blow!"

Sasuke lead a rather sheltered life on the Kunou estate, and didn't know much about strange religions and supernatural powers. However, he was certain that he wouldn't let the strange young man get his attack, whatever it may be, off in time. He charged with his bokken just as the mallet started to fall toward the straw doll's head. With what could only be called expert skill, Sasuke struck out with his bokken and blocked the strike that Gosunkugi had intended for the doll, and with a flick of the wrist, disarmed the voodoo practitioner, sending the trusted mallet flying up into the air.

Finding his deadly attack suddenly stopped, Gosunkugi panicked, and started backing away, dropping the doll so he could shield his face with his hands. Sasuke advanced... and stepped right on the doll's midsection. Suddenly, the small ninja felt a powerful force strike him in the gut and throw him off of his feet, causing him to hit a tree, head first.

Gosunkugi looked down at the doll, and at what had happened, and started to chuckle in a sinister way. His laughter was cut short when the mallet that had been removed from his hand suddenly fell and struck him on the head. He wobbled around a bit, before falling onto the ground in a heap.

By some miracle, neither of them had been knocked unconscious. They both groaned painfully as they struggled to stand on their feet again. The two regarded each other, for a moment, growing very frustrated with the situation.

The small ninja closed his eyes, and balled up his fists. He thought to himself, "I've failed... I'll never be able to show my face to my master again! I've failed in my duties to the Kunou family... I am disgraced...." As he thought this to himself, the air around him started to glow yellow.

Gosunkugi didn't notice this, because he too had his eyes closed, and a miserable look on his face. He thought, "Again, I experience defeat at the hands of those who would keep my from my darling Akane. It seems that the heavens themselves are against me, and that I am simply not worthy of her love..." Like Sasuke, a yellow aura seemed to develop around him as the look on his face became even more miserable.

Ranma, who had been sitting far away from the fight, and up until that point had been completely unaware that it was taking place suddenly sensed the build up of powerful energy. Akane was arguing with him at the moment, but he ignored it to look off at what he sensed. He said intelligently, "Huh? What the..."

In the bushes, both fighters felt their sadness build up, until neither of them could bear it any more. They extended their arms, and with anguished cries, released powerful blasts of heavy ki at one another. A deafening roar could be heard throughout the school yard, and the bushes and trees around the two had been stripped completely of their leaves by the sheer force of the blast. After it was over, the two fighters stared at one another, blinking and not really understanding what had happened.

A few moments passed, and several students started to gather around the two, astonished. After a short pause, Gosunkugi said, "Wow... it felt good to get that out of my system."

Sasuke nodded, still looking rather bewildered. He said, "Yeah..."

The two remained still, in silence for a few more moments. A creaking could be heard from above, and both fighters looked up at the trees above. A rather heavy branch suddenly snapped off of a tree, damaged by the powerful blast, and landed squarely on Gosunkugi's head. He fell to the ground, covered by the branch, and making signs of surprise on twitching hands.

A few more moments passed, and the freshman layed still. Sasuke shook his head a bit, and realized that he had won the fight. He looked around, hoping to see the young man's camera. He saw it alright... but the camera was in pretty bad shape, and the film was exposed. He sighed, and walked off, knowing that he couldn't return to his master without completing his mission. The students of Fuurinkan made room for the ninja, in awe of the powerful skills that he had displayed only minutes earlier, and all of them, from that moment, had gained a healthy respect for the tiny ninja's dark arts.

The Results:

Sasuke Sarugature: 27

Hikaru Gosunkugi: 21

I got more votes than I'm used to on this match... of course, I left the fight up for about 5 times as long, so I guess it's no surprise. This match could have gone either way, I think, but poor Gos has lost yet another match ^_^ Thanks to everyone who voted, and left their comments.