Ranma 1/2

Anything Goes Battle Arena

The Setting:

Shampoo smiled to herself as she read one of Cologne's many Amazon cookbooks. The one she was reading at the time was titled "The Way to a Man's Heart is Through His Stomach: 101 Recipies of Love." The ramen she was in the process of making would cause whoever ate it to fall madly in love with the first person they saw for a few hours. A few hours was all Shampoo needed to be properly wed to Ranma Saotome.

<Are you sure you'll be able to do this, Shampoo?> Cologne asked in Mandarin, supervising the cooking process. <If you fail, you won't be able to try again. Rare herbs like these are difficult to get in China, and impossible to come across in Japan.>

<I won't fail, Great-Grandmother.> Shampoo replied, <Akane will be cooking for the Tendou family today, which means Ranma will be so desperate to eat real food that he won't pay attention to what might be inside of it. And since he'll be as far away from Akane as possible, she won't be interfering.>

<I see you did your research. Excellent work Shampoo. I will prepare the wedding ceremonies immediately, but you have to have him back here before it wares off, do you understand?> Cologne said.

<Yes, I understand.> Shampoo said as she began adding the noodles and special herbs to the boiling water.

Meanwhile, Ukyou was reading through the latest issue of "Teen Okonimiyaki Chef" magazine when something caught her eye. "The Okonomiyaki Sauce of Love... Guaranteed to cause love at first sight? Who actually believes this stuff?" Ukyou asked herself. After reading through the recipe, she paused.

"What if... What if this recipe actually works? Then Ranchan would overcome his shyness and ask me to marry him for sure!" Ukyou stared dreamily into the sky as she imagined Ranma looking into her eyes and telling her that she was the one he wanted to marry. Ukyou read the recipe again, and noticed that one of them was a very rare herb she just happened to have recieved from her father as a gift. "I really can make this sauce. Wether this is a real love potion or not, who knows? Miracles can happen." She set to work making the okonomiyaki she would deliver to Ranma, because after all, tonight was Akane's turn to cook. Little did Ukyou realize, the rare herb the recipe called for was the same one Shampoo was using in her ramen.

Later that evening, sounds of extreme violence were heard from the kitchen of the Tendou household. Outside of the house, Ranma was deep in thought. "I need a REALLY good excuse to avoid having to consume that poison Akane calls dinner. I don't know if I'll be able to survive eating that stuff again... I beg the heavens to send me a pardon from this unearthly punishment."

Ranma's prayer was answered as Shampoo leapt over the wall and right into Ranma's arms. "Nihao, Airen! Shampoo bring too-too delicious ramen for husband. You no let it get cold." She opened her delivery box and handed Ranma the bowl of steaming hot ramen.

"You don't know how grateful I am, Shampoo." Before he could raise the chopsticks to his mouth, Ukyou jumped over the wall with a delivery okonomiyaki.

"Ranchan! I brought you a very special okonomiyaki with some very special sauce!" She pulled the dish from its box and handed it to Ranma. Ranma's mouth watered as he eyed both dishes. After eating the ramen AND the okonomiyaki, there wouldn't be any room for Akane's cooking.

Shampoo growled as she eyed Ukyou. "Spatula-girl. You go away now so Ranma can eat what I made for him!"

Ukyou looked over at Shampoo, noticing her with a shock, "What are you doing here? Get lost so Ranma can eat what I've made for him!"

"Shampoo was here first!"

"I don't care! I'm his fiancee, and you're not!"

Shampoo wielded two bonbori and said, "Shampoo is Ranma's wife! If you no go away, then Shampoo will hurt you!"

Ukyou pulled her battle spatula from her back and prepared to do battle, "I'd like to see you try, you Amazon bimbo!"

Obliviously, Ranma ate both the ramen and the okonomiyaki, shouted, "Thanks Shampoo! Thanks Ucchan! You don't know how much trouble you've saved me." and jumped onto the rooftop of the Dojo and then away to places unknown.

Commentary:

Blade

While the great unwashed may vote Shampoo the victor, Ukyou's superiority over her in combat is obvious. While both do noticible improvement in the series, Ukyou's fight against Hayato in Volume 33 shows how far she ahs advanced, much more than Shampoo. Her ki attacks, plus her solid defence and superior intelligence, will eventually wear down Shampoo's superior speed and strength. Because of Shampoo's notably low stamina, once she's off her attack, it's all over.

Spanner

As much as I hate to say it, Shampoo really is the better fighter of these two. Ukyou has spent her entire life cooking okonomiyaki against the Raging Seas, it is true. But Shampoo has spent her entire life fighting against an entire tribe of the greatest female warriors China has to offer--and come out number one. The way I see it, there are only a few ways Ukyou could win: Shampoo might have let her fighting skills tarnish in her single-minded pursuit of Ranma, but there is little indication of this. Alternatively, Ukyou could have, upon seeing the severe competition for Ranma, devoted untold hours of time to polishing her okonomiyaki skills, acheiving a level of skill akin to that of the Cult of the Muscle Sword--but there is little indication of that either. So, barring collossal stupidity or arrogance on Shampoo's part, Shampoo will win this conflict. (Which is probably a good thing, in light of the Kiss of Death Ukyou might receive otherwise...)

Gnollman

Shampoo has 3000 years of Joketsuzoku tradition backing her up. Ukyou has a spatula. Think about it. Shampoo has strength and speed on her side. She walks through walls, for crissakes, not to mention a familiarity with a wide array of weapons. What's Ukyou got? A spatula. Think about it.

Owain Lawson

Ukyou has better range attacks, so she can easily match Shampoo's bonbori. Up close, Shampoo doesn't have much chance, because Ukyou has longer range with her spatula.

Nagami

Well, I have to go with Shampoo, because (sorry yo all you Ucchan fans out there,) she is a better martial artist than Ukyou. Ukyou seems to be quite dependent on her weapons, and I've never seen her punch or kick outside of booting Ranma around occasionly. One thing to be considered is the reach she has with her weapons. i.e, the the throwable items (flour bombs, mini-spatulas) and also her huge battle spatula she always has with her. Shampoo on the other hand has her bonbari. I'm not sure how skilled she is with them, but I do know that she is quite good at martial arts. She's quick and strong, as long as she isn't splashed with the cold water. Plus, both will be very determined because Ranma is involved. (Also, I wouldn't put it past Akane to get in to it.)

Mike Grant

Reasons? I like Ukyou much more than Shampoo. They are both equally skilled. However, Ukyou would probably be able to get assistance from more people and has more techniques to use. She has distractionary techniques as well as projectiles, whereas Shampoo does not. I see Ukyou winning this one, maybe not easily but she does.

The Fight:

"Spatula girl very stupid! To think that chef beat 3000 years of Amazon history." Shampoo taunted. She wasted no time waiting for a response, however, and jabbed with one of her bonbori. Ukyou took a step back, and with the superior reach of her spatula swatted the attack to the side.

"I don't care how many years of history are backing you up. You obviously don't have much to show for it. I mean, you've been in Japan for a long time and you AND your great-grandma still haven't won Ranma over to your tribe." Ukyou grinned, knowing that would anger Shampoo. She took another step back and swung her spatula at her adversary's head.

Shampoo ducked the attack, then stared at Ukyou with harted, "You dare unsult Joketsuzoku? Take back or Shampoo must kill!" Shampoo struck again with her bonbori, but a grinning Ukyou delfected the blow with her big spatula. Shampoo frowned, then got an idea. She struck at Ukyou again, and as the spatula-wielder swung to block, Shampoo pulled back the bonbori. With the spatula being out of her way temporarily, Shampoo charged in close and unleashed a flurry of strikes.

Ukyou had trouble blocking all of the strikes using only the handle of her spatula, but Shampoo was too close at the moment to offer her an alternative. She was also spending too much time blocking the attacks to concentrate on thinking of a way to counterstrike. One particularly hard bonbori blow forced her to stumble back a few steps, and Shampoo took the opening and slammed one of her weapons into Ukyou's shoulder, and then thrust the other bonbori into her opponent's gut. Shampoo slowed her assault so that her next blow would be more powerful, taking advantage of the fact that Ukyou was still reeling from the last strike. Ukyou was quicker to recover than Shampoo expected, however, and Shampoo was too wide open to avoid being smacked in the side of the head by the big spatula.

As Shampoo skidded across the grass on her back, Genma and Soun noticed the noises coming from the yard and walked out to the porch to watch.

"Say, what's this all about, Saotome?" Soun asked as he watched with interest.

"Good question Tendou. It probably has something to do with Ranma." Genma replied. The two of them soon lost interest, however, and began to play shogi as usual.

Meanwhile, Shampoo got to her feet and growled, "Shampoo not make same mistake twice. You are obstacle, and obstacles is for killing!" Shampoo charged at Ukyou, bonbori ready.

"I don't make the same mistake twice, either." Ukyou replied. Instead of meeting the charge, she instead pulled several mini-spatulas from her bandolier and threw them like shuriken. As Shampoo blocked the projectiles, they stuck into her bonbori.

"What is point, stupid girl? You no get through my defense." Shampoo said. Confident that Ukyou wouldn't continue the barrage, Shampoo again charged.

Ukyou smirked as she quickly reached into her shirt. "Flour bomb!" Ukyou yelled as she hurled the bag of flour at her charging enemy. Shampoo swatted at the bag, knowing that if she was careful, the round edge of her bonbori coul prevent the flour bag from exploding around her. She forgot that the bonbori had severeal small spatulas with small, thin handles stuck into thier surfaces. When she hit the bag, it instantly created a thick cloud of flour around her.

Shampoo began to cough involuntarily as Ukyou looked on. "Time to end this." Ukyou said as he hefted her large spatula and jumped into the cloud. Shampoo was knocked out of the cloud, and skidded along the ground again, coming to her feet with a bit more effort. One of her bonbori had been knocked out her hand in the cloud of flour, which left her at a disadvantage weapon-wise.

"Give up now and I'll let you go!" Ukyou yelled as she readied another group of mini-spatulas.

"Shampoo will never give up! Is way of the Amazon." Shampoo said through gritted teeth. Ukyou released the volley of spatulas, then raised her big spatula and charged. Shampoo spun her bonbori around as she blocked the projectiles so that they were evenly distributed around the surface. As Ukyou brought the spatula straight down, sharp edge aimed at Shampoo's torso, the Amazon quickly sidestepped and leapt over her opponent to get some distance.

"Stand your ground!" Ukyou yelled as she turned around. As she began to heft her spatula, Shampoo threw her bonbori with a spin. Ukyou attempted to block, but her spatula was in an akward position. The spatula handles on the spinning weapon caught on the larger spatula, and proceeded to twist the spatula out of Ukyou's grip. As the weapons fell to the ground, Shampoo jump kicked Ukyou and knocked her to the ground.

"Ukyou can no fight without weapons. Now Shampoo finish her off." As they began to trade blows, it was clear Shampoo had the advantage. Ukyou didn't have the chance to pull a small spatula from her bandolier, and she was otherwise weaponless. She started to wish she'd trained a little more on hand-to-hand combat.

Meanwhile, Genma was in trouble. Soun was in a position to win in a manner of moves, and there was little Genma could do to stop him. Suddenly, he pointed at the two combattants, "Look, Tendou! Shampoo has the upper hand and is sure to win!"

Soun turned to watch and nodded in agreement. "Indeed. They are both formidable warriors... It's a pity they can't just be friends. If only Ranma would take some responsibility and..." Soun realized his blunder. He quickly turned to the shogi board and saw that his pieces weren't quite in the same place.

Genma grinned, "Your move, Tendou."

Shampoo was stedily pushing Ukyou back, far away from the weapons that had been dropped. As she punched and kicked, she was sure she would soon have an opening to make a final blow. Ukyou stumbled and almost fell backwards as she moved backward onto a rock surface. It suddenly dawned on her that she was standing right in front of the koi pond.

Shampoo saw the opening, "The final blow!" Shampoo threw a powerful kick at Ukyou, who surprisingly was able to sidestep. Ukyou grabbed hold of the leg and pulled her off-balance enemy toward the pond. Shampoo knew that if she changed into a cat, it was as good as over. With all the effort she could muster, she managed a small leap to the other end of the pond. She was just short of being able to make it to the top of the rocks on the other side, so she flipped over in air, and pushed off of the side of the rock, rebounding towards Ukyou.

"No way..." Ukyou said with disbelief as Shampoo rocketed toward her and punched her squarely across the jaw. Ukyou staggered back a few steps, then dropped to the ground unconcious. Shampoo's forward momentum had been halted by her impact with Ukyou, and she quicky fell into the pond and emerged a second later as her cat form. At least she had been able to finish it first, she thought to herself.

Meanwhile, the love potion Ranma had eaten in both Shampoo's ramen and Ukyou's okonomiyaki had yet to take effect. He had been so busy running around town that he hadn't really seen anyone. All of that was about to change.

"Ranma, prepare to die!!" Ryouga shouted as he jumped from a nearby bush to attack Ranma. As Ranma defty avoided the attack, he turned to his rival.

"Hey buddy, long time no see!" Ranma said. All of a sudden, a thought popped into his head. He had never realized how truly handsome Ryouga was.

Shampoo finally caught up with Ranma to find a very disturbing sight. Ryouga was running away as fast as he could yelling, "What's wrong with you, Ranma?!"

<Aiya... I don't even want to stick around to see what happens...> Shampoo said in Mandarin. Ranma's superior speed made Ryouga's problems worse, as Shampoo saw when her Airen glomped onto the terrified lost boy. Luckily the potion only lasted a few hours, she noted.

The Results:

Shampoo: 13

Ukyou Kuonji: 9

Lots of cool commentary. Thanks everyone. Did the ending of this fight offend you? ^_^ Would you like to suggest a future fight? Would you like to see Genma-panda vs. P-Chan, Shampoo-neko, and Mu Mu-Chan perhaps? Let me know!