|Filipino Jokes|Lewd Jokes|Random Jokes|
Didja hear the one about . . .
| Screw Head | The Balls | |
| Booty Call rules | ||
| Tinted Windows |
A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift.
"Well," says the doctor, "I can do the facelift, and then you'll have to
come back in six months for a follow- up."
"Oh, no." the woman replies. "I want it all done in one shot, I don't want
to have to come back."
The doctor thinks for a second, then offers, "There is a new procedure
where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime you see
wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which pulls the skin
up, and they disappear."
"That's what I want!" exclaims the lady. "Let's do that."
Six months later the lady charges into the doctor's office. "Well, how's
the procedure holding up?" the doctor asks.
"Terrible!" the lady bellows. " It's the worst mistake I've ever made."
"What's wrong?" asks the doctor.
"Just look at these bags under my eyes!" she hollers.
"Lady," the doctor retorts, "those aren't bags, those are your breasts;
and if you don't leave that screw alone, you're going to have a beard!"
1. no sleeping over
2. no meeting in public
3. no calls before 2am4. none of that lovemaking shit
5. no emotional discussions...(ex. where are we heading with this?)you know where its heading
6. no plans made in advance (that is why she is called the backup)
7. no non-sexual gifts (altoids not included) **I thought you knew
bout the mints**
8. no baby talk (however, dirty talk is encouraged)
9. no asking for comparisons about former lovers (in fact, no
conversations are a plus)
10. no kissing (too intimate)
11. no calling each other friends with benefits (were not friends and
we never will be)
12. calling out the wrong name during sex is ok (who the hell are
they to care) "HONESTLY I WAS THINKING ABOUT CINDY CRAWFORD, IS
THAT A PROBLEM?"
13. no extra clothing (i dont want your ass leaving anything behind
that my real girlfriends/BOYFRIENDS might find)
14. no guilt about falling asleep right after sex
15. dont be offended if i didnt ask if you enjoyed it (i didnt care)
16. never walk the person to the door or their car for any reason
17. if anyone asks who that girl is.............she is your roomates
girl
18. doggie style only (rare exceptions when i am tired and let you
ride)
19. reason for doggie style ...........the less eye contact the
better........it destroys the purpose
20. you can have her or him absolutely whenever the mood strikes
extra tip for successful bootie calls.............never discuss
these previously mentioned rules they are already agreed to in
advance
Tinted Windows (contributed by Noldiggity)
After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following
results on America's recreational preferences:
1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is:
basketball.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling.
3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis.
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf.
Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller
your balls become.
Back to top
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I know I haven't known you very long,
and I shouldn't be asking you for this so soon,
but I really need it badly.
I haven't' had it for a while
and I can already feel it
going in good and hard
and coming out nice and soft.
If you would do this for me no one would ever know.
I am sure you can satisfy my needs
and I'd be very grateful if you would.
i amm very desperate and I need your help.
You must think by now,
that I have a lot of nerve
but I can feel my tongue wrapping around it
and sucking out all the juices until it's very dry.
I am not going to beat around the bush any longer
so.......
Do you have a piece of gum?