My First. . .

My First . . .

People scurried to all directions. Newly arrived passengers rushed
to their loved ones. Others cried as they send of someone dear. I was
among the teary ones. I was sending off someone very dear to me. But
there's one difference: the one I was sending off must not see me. He
must not be aware of my presence, he must not know I still care.
"Passengers for flight 701 bound for Manila.." the rest of the message
fell into my deaf ears as I strained my neck to see where he
was. My heart thumped as I caught sight of him making his way to
the departure area. He was with her. His arms around her. How my heart
lurched at the display of their endearments. I could have been the girl,
If only..Mark and I have been close since we were near adolescence.

It all started during our class party. Everybody should have a
date. Well I (the) one of those who didn't have any, so my friends
introduced me to a couple of probable dates. However, my chosen one must
meet my father's approval. But not one of my prospects did. Needless to
say he found Mark. "I told you, it's either Mark or no Party." Said
father. "Anyway, he is only 3 years older than you. That's not too
old. He's responsible and he'll take care of you. I surely prefer him
than those bunch of kids. There was no sense of protesting.
My father had just made up his mind and I just had to be in my
first adult party. I proceeded to the agreement.

The night of the party came, and Mark was on time to pick me up. I
didn't feel the sparks since he was familiar. Instead, I felt
irritated. Why did he agree to be my date? Could he not make excuses
for my dad? As I settle into his car I groaned. Do you honestly
think you would enjoy this party???? "
"well I surely would Stephanie, especially if you enjoy it too. I know
this is your first party, so why don't you be open to surprises? Just have
fun. I can understand why you don't want me to be your date, but I
just can't say No to your dad. Just treat me as your bodyguard? I
silently cursed. I made my mind that I wouldn't enjoy
the party. Mark was there to spoil it. What would my friends say?
To my amazement, Mark fitted well with my friends. In fact,all of them
enjoyed his company. Angela my best friend, drooled,
"it's good you brought Mark.
He's a terrific dancer!" "Not only that, he's a perfect handsome,
gentleman as well!" giggled Dawn and Suzanne.

Well, whatever he was to them, I myself was bored with the other
guys that I danced with. They were either bragging about their budding
masculinity or stepping on my feet. I escaped into the garden to rest my
weary mind, not to mention my aching feet. Mark caught up to me bringing
a cup of punch. "so my little girl is all tired up. Why don't you
drink this first, huh?" He said as he offered me the cup. "My
bodyguard! Doing your job aren't you? He just smiled and noticed
my bored look. As his eyes crinkled and his dimple deepened, I felt
some strange relief. Here was one person who wouldn't brag or hurt my
feet. I didn't like to admit it, but I was thankful that
Mark was there. And so I led the way to the garden, I told him just
that. He smiled triumphantly, "didn't I tell you I can be useful too?"
with that we both laughed. Before I knew it, we were chattering away. I,
talking about my teener's woes, and he about his current love problems.
Angela announced that the band was playing it's last song for the
night. "Everybody dance!" she chirped. And so Mark led me to the dance
floor. "Steph!", he said "let this be our song."I giggled and nodded. As
I placed my hands on his shoulders and he put his hands on my waist. The love
song seems to speak out what was screaming in our hearts=85.. "At
least imagine you are dancing with your prince charming. "He whispered.
"and you with your girlfriend" I chuckled. And as the song went on his
arms tightened around my waist, bringing me closer to him. I liked the
feeling so I brought my arms around his neck and nuzzled my neck to his
cheek. There was hollowing in my stomach and a kind of electricity running
down my spine. We both snuggled even closer. I felt so comfortable
in his embrace, that even when the song ended, I didn't want to break the
magical spell. It was he who abruptly pulled away. As I looked at him I
saw that he was perturbed. I returned to reality. This wasn't suppose
to be. I was just imagining him to be my prince, I reprimanded
myself blushing.=20 We were both silent in my car until I arrived at my
place. I was about to go out of his car when he held my hand
and said, "I hope you enjoyed your first party." "why yes, I did
enjoy it," I answered him softly. Then we were silent again, it seemed as
if it would go on forever. "well, thank you so much for the
wonderful evening," I said. I was about to take my hand away but he
firmly held it. "I know you felt magic too, Steph. However, we were just
imagining our partners, and we should not let the magic go on. It is not
supposed to be. You know how it is. "I nodded, my eyes down cast as I
got off his car. That night, I did not sleep well. I was still
thinking of my prince, the magic spell with Mark must stop. Yet, I could
still remember the lingering warmth of our embrace. After that
night, whenever I saw Mark my heart never failed to miss a beat.
And I always blame it on our dance!

As time passed, Mark and I became even closer. We were unwillingly
always thrown together by situations like weddings, anniversaries and
even an election. Mark was my campaign partner during the 1984 election.
My uncle was running for assemblyman The campaign strategy involved
a buddy system and Mark was assigned as my buddy. And so we became
inseparable. We had great fun and we were effective campaigners. I took
care of the gentleman while Mark took care of the ladies. He really had
a way with them. =20 I didn't know I loved Mark until I found myself
alone with him in the beach house. We were celebrating my uncle's
triumph. His supporters were relirious of his victory. To escape the
noise, Mark and I walked far from the crowd. We were
strolling down the beach sometimes stopping to pick some shells,
when we chanced upon an empty beach house, there we rested, sorting out
the shells we collected on the way. To my surprise, Mark kissed me on
the cheek and said, "I've been waiting to do that for a long time. "I
thought he was being playful so I answered him with a kiss too.
Then as if we were moving in a kind of suspended place and time, Mark
touched my cheek and turned my face towards him and soon we found our
lips together. Our kiss seemed to go on forever. "I LOVE YOU,STEPHANIE"
he whispered "I LOVE YOU TOO, MARK,"I whispered
back and suddenly jerked away from him. The realization of I loving Mark hit
me back. I staggered and moved away from him. "I didn't mean to love you,
Mark, this is all wrong and.."and what, Steph?.that it's got to stop?" he
asked. "Yes, it has to stop. It's wrong it's very wrong!" I said,
fighting back tears. I couldn't face Mark anymore, discovering that I
love him too much. But his loving me in return was killing me..this was
not suppose to be! What we felt for each other was the real thing it was
right, but at the same time it was very wrong.

My conscience told me to flee, and that was what I did. I
transferred school and I chose the one far away from Mark. He tried to
contact me so many times, but I had to think of what's best for
him even if it meant pain of me. It was the only way of showing
that I Love him and it was the right, moral thing to do this happened 5
years ago. I felt the tears running down my cheeks as I saw mark this
last time. They were going abroad for good. I could feel a part of me
dying. I was losing the man I truly love. I was Losing MARK who was my first
date, who was my first dance. His hands were the first I held, he was my
first kiss, my first love. And he was my first cousin.

...it is better to be hated
for what you are than to be
loved for what you are not...

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