Mr. Satan - Champion Of The World

It has been announced today that tomorrow will be a public holiday in honor of Mr. Satan who had saved the world for the second time. Consequently tomorrow will be called Satan Day #2. (Satan Day was announced the day after Mr. Satan defeated Cell seven years ago).

Today, the world was saved yet again by Mr. Satan, our champion and the strongest man in the world. Although nobody can can remember exactly what happened - a phenomenon the scientists ascribe to shock, we do know that a powerful monster had once again threatened the earth, and once again Mr. Satan had saved the world, just like he saved us from the monster Cell seven years ago.

Mr. Satan was the reigning champion of the past four(?) Tenkaichi Bodoukais. He is undoubtedly the strongest man on earth. Seven years ago, a horrible and extremely powerful monster called Cell suddenly appeared and threatened the earth. He senselessly murdered hundreds of thousands of people and easily destroyed the world's best army. When he announced the Cell Games , Mr. Satan as the sole competitor fighting for the sake of the earth's future had single-handedly defeated him, and in the process only suffered an injury to his knee, which he never disclosed. It was only discovered today, in the Tenkaichi Bodoukai, and in spite of the recurring injury our hero emerged champion once again.

This article is an attempt to glean insight into the real Mr. Satan. Despite all the honor the world bestowed him, Mr. Satan still retained his sense of modesty. This was evident in today's Bodoukai where the illustrious Mr. Satan displayed only a portion of his power and bagged 137 points in the punching machine in the preliminary rounds. There were several other contestants who scored points over 200. Mr. Satan, however had no need to display his full power, scoring just enough to make it to the final round.

Mr. Satan is also very supportive of young fighters. The winner or the children's round, 8-year-old Trunks was privileged to fight his hero, Mr. Satan. Mr. Satan had good-naturedly let him win easily. "It was just a game." he was quoted as saying. "I should give him a chance, and it will be good for him to build his confidence in his fighting abilities."

And as for fighting techniques, Mr. Satan had once again shown that he is truly a master of the martial arts. When several contestants suddenly disappeared, Mr. Satan had saved the Bodoukai by suggesting a Battle Royale. Even then, there was no need for him to show off fancy techniques such as flying or creating fireballs. Instead, his secret technique the Satan Super Ultra Megaton Punch(?) had succeeded in knocking out contestant No.18 from the ring. She was the second runner-up and had scored 203 points in the preliminaries. We were indeed privileged to be able to watch the fighting genius in action. At first, No.18 seemed to have the upper hand, as she had Mr. Satan's neck under her grip. But unbeknownst to her, this was actually an opportunity for Mr. Satan to learn about her weakness, which he later exploited to his advantage. What a brilliant strategy! Only a genius such as our hero could have thought of it. Mr. Satan then threw her back and finished her off with his killer technique the Super Ultra Whatever Punch. And what an amazing technique it was! It seemed to have no effect at first, but after a few seconds it hit her with such a force that she was thrown off the ring. In all the years that this reporter has covered the Bodoukai, no such technique has ever been seen before. We look forward to see more of Mr. Satan's incredible techniques in future tournaments.

What happened afterwards was a blur to everybody, including our hero himself. But what is important is that Mr. Satan had again saved the world. As long as we have him around, the world will always be safe.
 

Excerpt from an article in The Satan City Daily News
the day after the Majin Buu crisis.

1. Things followed by a (?) are those things I'm not very sure of.
2. As for Mr. Satan's Super ... Punch, even he himself couldn't remember the name the second time.
3. This reporter obviously didn't do very good research. Thankfully this article was never published because the newspaper company had been turned into chocolate by Majin Buu :P

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