Your guide to writing annoying DBZ fanfiction.

Never spell check! Just slap a whole bunch of unreadable crap into your Notepad or Microsoft Word. Don't proofread either, just save and upload it as fast as you can! Peopl lvoe to raed thru anoying tpyos.

Also, make sure to substitute extremely long three-letter words with chat-room slang. Every1 really enjoys seeing how u r 2 lazy 2 spell out 3 letter words.

Don't forget to confuse yourself over the proper spelling of words like your and you're; to, too and two; through and threw(thru isn't a real word, people, it's an abbreviation!); write, rite and right; hi and high; here and hear; there, their and they're...you get the idea.

Ignore the space bar. Ficswith wordsthat runtogether are somuch funto read!

If you really want to be annoying, never make sure you have the names and attacks spelled right! Everyone loves to read about how Picollo blew up Radits with his Mankancowsapo! How about the way Frezza destroyed planet Vujeeta with his Dethball? Or would you rather enjoy the way Gokoo helped Gohon blast Sell with that massive one-armed Kamihamiha?

Oh, don't forget to spell Japanese terms wrong, too. Kanichiwa! Do you like Shonin I?

Who needs grammar? We all know the world loves annoying fics they can't even read! Am I right? You know I am!

Just start a sentence and then never finish it until the end of the fic you know everybody loves reading a run on sentence like this its like talking without ever taking a breath in between are you holding you breath now are you turning blue is your brain starting to get squeamish oh yeah dont forget to leave out the question mark at the end now is your brain tired

Was that FUN? I'm sure everyone wants to read annoying fics like that! I sure do!

If you really want people to enjoy your story, don't capitalize anything, not even the title! You know people always have a good time reading stories about how bulma shagged with vegeta and then trunks was born.

now ptu it al otgether and u have a realy anoyign sotry taht evryone wil be sure two raed yse trust me theyll flock too reed ur realy cool sotry shwo evryone how vageeta had a bgi fite with frezza and got himslef kiled

Wait? Did you say you like periods? Well, in that case, don't hit the space bar.Show everybody how cool and annoying u r.Yes, u know how to use a period.U r getting really annoying now!

Ah, text! The most unimportant part of the whole story! I know a lot of people post on public websites that filter certain HTML codes out of fics, but for those of you who don't…write your fic in a font color that blends or clashes with the background. Use yellow font on a plain white or yellow and white plaid background! Slap some magenta text onto a lime green background! Better yet, use a background that flashes every color of the rainbow and use a text fader to make the text match! Just make sure it's so annoying that people have to highlight everything so they can read it!


Do you use Notepad to write your fics? I don't, personally, but a lot of people do. If you're someone who does, make sure you never hit the return key when the text starts to scroll sideways! Turn on the word-wrap and forget about the enter key! That way people won't notice how annoying your story is because they'll be too busy getting annoyed with scrolling sideways to read every paragraph!


Another thing you can do to annoy people
is to use the enter key too much. Make all
your paragraphs really short so your fic
looks longer!
Also make sure you forget to hit the enter
key twice between each paragraph if you're
using notepad.


You can also hit the enter key too many times between each paragraph.

It's so fun to have to scroll through four pages to find out what happens in the next paragraph.

Are you annoyed yet?

Good!

Do this a lot and your story will become extremely annoying, just the way everyone likes it!


Always keep the dialogue between two people in the same paragraph. It's so fun making people read to the end of a quote to find out which character is speaking. Or, to be really cool, you could leave out the names all together. There's quotation marks, right? So who cares if the character's name isn't there! "Why?" You ask. "Because it's annoying, that's why!" I reply. "Oh, good, I want to be annoying!" "Then you're on the right track."


Do you want people to really get annoyed with your story? Don't use any paragraphs at all! Just make your non-existent fanfiction text into a nice, square block that fills the center of the page. That way, people won't be able to stop reading your annoying fanfic…because they'll lose their place if they so much as look away! I know I always enjoy stories that I can't put down.


Be sure to write your entire fic in an annoying font-size! Make it big! Make it small! Just make sure it's annoying! (This doesn't always apply, because some sites like Fanfiction.net and Mediaminer have filters for that, but normal websites don't unless the author knows how to make adjustments to the HTML coding.)

Isn't the above paragraph annoying? Did you get a headache just reading it(if it came out right)? Good! Use large text to make your annoying fic even more annoying! The more your head hurts, the more annoying it is! Anything above font size four is very annoying, so be sure to use size six or seven!

Of course, you could also try to save space by making your font annoyingly small so your readers have to squint and press their nose against the screen to read it. Believe me, anything smaller than size three is really annoying, so make sure you use size one like this!


ANOTHER WAY YOU CAN ANNOY YOUR READERS IS TO CAPITALIZE EVERYTHING. SCREW CAPITALIZING NAMES AND PROPER NOUNS! CAPITALIZING EVERY WORD WILL SOLVE THAT PROBLEM REAL QUICK. IT WILL ALSO MAKE YOUR FIC NICE AND ANNOYING. COOL, HUH?

Always forget to turn off your italics. I have so much fun reading fics that suddenly go into annoying bold or italics and stay there until the last two paragraphs.

There is one other way to annoy people when writing fanfiction: Script form. Who needs details when we can see the character's names in front of the dialogue?

Me: (grinning) I enjoy getting annoyed by fics that look like chat-room conversations!

Me: Make sure to write all your fics in script form. That way you don't have to bother with important details, and your readers can have a lot of fun scrolling down through twenty pages of boring content!

Summaries aren't important!

Don't tell anyone that Vegeta is about to discover Freeza's devious plans to destroy his planet, so he escapes to Earth and meets Bulma! You might give something away! Instead, tell your readers that it's an AU and to read and review(or r/r). Tell them how you think your story sucks, but you put it up anyway. Tell your readers about how you're so lazy that you wrote your fic in five minutes and didn't bother to proofread. Go on!

To really be annoying, grovel at the feet of your readers with threats like "I want five reviews or I won't continue!" If you're dying to be super-duper annoying, don't put in a summary at all! Just say "read" or "r/r"! People will surely want to come and marvel at your wonderfully annoying fic!

Also, make sure you forget to put proper grammar and spelling into your summary. Yeah, that's it! Show your reader how annoying your story is before they read it! That way, if they want to get even more annoyed, they can click the link and feast their eyes upon your annoying masterpiece!

If you use Fanfiction.net or Mediaminer.org, ignore the chaptering system! Everyone wants to visit the site and see all twenty-two chapters of you non-existent fic in alphabetical or numerical order! Or post a chapter a day so everybody can get annoyed by hunting for the other chapters!

Be really annoying! Write ten crappy, two-page long one-shot B/V or T/P fics and put them all up as fast as you can so nobody will miss them! Do the same with poems! Keep it up until everyone else's work is pushed off the page and your name is the only one the other authors will see!

Yeah! Be as lazy as you can! Start a great AU fic about how aliens from the planet Snot turn Goku into a bad guy that terrorizes the universe, and Vegeta is the only one strong enough to stop him. Write nineteen chapters that keep the readers on the edges of their seats. Then, at the end of the most suspenseful chapter in the whole story, stop updating! Disappear without telling anyone! Leave your fic sitting there to take up annoying space!

Make sure to ignore the awesome reviews that beg for you to continue! Don't answer the emails asking you if you're going to finish or someone might notice you're still alive, and we don't want that now, do we?

So you want to create a version of yourself so you can fall in love with your favorite character and live happily ever after, right? We all do!

Well, if you do this, make sure the character is never an ordinary person that learns to use new powers, or has to use their wits to move the plot along! Nooo, she has to be drop-dead gorgeous with a perfect hourglass figure and more fighting power than everyone in DBZ put together! Give her a corny name that doesn't go along with the puns of whatever race she came from (Vegetables for Saiyajins, weather/cold things for Icejins, etc). Also give her features that are physically impossible without outside help like make-up or hair-dye!

Don't give your character any flaws! She's perfect! She knows everything! She can save the day with one finger up her nose and the other behind her back! Her hair and clothes stay perfect after every fight!

Always remember that Vegeta, Trunks, Goku, Gohan, Freeza, Piccolo, Android Seventeen or any other person I forgot to mention are all supposed to drool over your char or be willing to bow down after she(or he) beats the crap out of them. Don't forget the disgusting lemon scene between your character and whoever you like from the show. Perhaps you could get really annoying and have a threesome with two of your favorite bishies!

Why don't you just put yourself into the DBZ world? Yeah! That's really annoying! Especially if all you do is loll around in bed with your favorite hunk-a-love!

If you really want to be pathetic and annoying, write a really corny story where your favorite character dies for Mary Sue. Readers love that! Turn it around to make your favorite character cry over you! If you can write annoying enough, your readers will certainly love it!

Who says they have to be in-character?

Ah, yes, don't forget to make everybody act out of character without a good reason or explanation(with the exception of humor fics, but even that can only go so far).

I'm sure everybody likes to read a fic about Vegeta crying like a baby over Bulma dying. Just make sure you forget to include how Bulma was infected with a rare virus that Vegeta unknowingly brought back from planet Spleen, and that she, through her suffering, helped open the Saiyajin Prince's stone heart.

We all know the readers just read your fic to see Vegeta cry!

Or would you prefer seeing Freeza fighting as a good guy? Yeah, I would! Make sure, when you write the story, that you don't tell your readers that Freeza was under the control of a force even more evil than he was! Don't let anyone know that he escaped from the evil force after certain requirements were met(a battle that allowed him to escape the evil, or the evil released him for a short time to do something else, etc).

We all know everyone just wants to read about Freeza being a good guy that dies valiantly after battling against some supreme evil force! So forget the back-stories!

Never come up with an original or unusual pairing, and flame everyone who does! ALL FICS THAT TRY TO BE DIFFERENT MUST DIE!!! Right? Right!

I'm sure the world needs a million more annoying B/V or T/P fics that follow the same boring format. Boy meets girl, girl falls in love, boy loves someone else, someone else turns out to be another boy, blah, blah, blah!

If it's Yaoi, it has to be Trunks/Goten, Goku/Vegeta, Gohan/Piccolo, etc! Always make sure the lemons are really disgusting too! Everybody will flock to your annoying masterpiece because it's so identical to all the other annoying fics!

Anyone can write a lemon, especially if it's an annoying(and sour) one. Whenever you write one, always remember to use slang words like "dick", "tits", "clit", "cum", "ass", "pussy" and "f [beep] k".

Everybody just drools and gets super horny when they read annoying porn about how Vegeta rammed his dick into Bulma's hairy pussy while Trunks fingered Pan's wet clit! If you really want to write an annoying romance, always include the annoying lemon scene! If you want to be real original, don't have a romance at all! Just write a mindless sex scene!

Don't forget to include Your Bishie(any char from the show) and Mary Sue in a disgustingly explicit sex scene! Have them do everything and go into disgusting detail!


If the fic is a Yaoi with Piccolo in it, be really annoying and have him know exactly what he's supposed to feel when Gohan kisses him for the first time! Make sure Piccolo is the one that starts out by sucking Gohan's dick while ramming a finger up his ass and flicking his balls until he cums in his mouth! Describe the cum as it oozes out of his mouth! The more disgusting it is, the better!

Oh, so you're writing a Vegeta/Freeza rape fic? It's easy to make those annoying! Just have Vegeta wind up liking it in the end(pun intended) and asks Freeza to f [beep] k his brains out every night! Have him fall to his knees, spread his arms and proclaim his love to the icy little tyrant, and have it returned with equal warmth. Make it as out of character as possible, and I can assure you it'll be very annoying!

If you go to some unknown webpage, steal a story and post it on someone else's site, then you are just as annoying as the fic(which itself may not be very annoying at all)!

That's all I have to say about that!

Always write author's notes when they aren't needed! Everyone who writes fanfiction loves annoying author's notes.

Not all author's notes are annoying, but some are. So how do you make your author's notes really annoying?

Simple.

First of all, make the author's notes longer than the fic itself! Everyone really loves scrolling past long and useless dribble to read a two paragraph story.

In your notes, tell your readers how you know the fic sucks, but you're too damn lazy to fix it and that flames are welcome. Give away the most important plot twist so nobody has to read the fic. Or make your readers read the entire non-existent fanfic, then tack on a note at the end that demands a certain number of reviews or you won't continue! I know I just love seeing how pathetic you are!

Write the notes in a font size so small that nobody can identify the words! You can also make them huge so nobody can miss them! If you own a webpage…write the author's notes in a garish font color. Blast someone's eyeballs with fluorescent yellow or green!

Try dedicating an entire chapter to your author's notes so your readers have to waste their time clicking to chapter two! Make sure they're pointless, un-proofread and have nothing to do with the story itself!

Now, do you want your author's notes to be really annoying? Put them IN THE FIC itself! I'm sure all your readers will enjoy being jarred out of a serious story's flow by dumb, needless notes that ruin the dramatic mood. Here, I'll show you how it's done…

*Zarbon gasped and punched in the emergency override code[A/N: I wonder what the code really is on the show. Email me if you know]. The door opened and he lunged through to find his master bent over something unmoving in bed[A/N: Not like that, you hentai!]. "…Lord Frieza? Onyx?"

Frieza clutched Onyx tighter to his chest[A/N: Again, it's not sexual. She's dead, remember?], her head hanging limp against the crook of his arm. He regained just enough composure[A/N: Frieza(sic) losing his composure? Is that possible?] to keep his voice from trembling, "She's gone, Zarbon…she's gone[A/N: *sniffle*]." He kept his back to the green-haired warrior[A/N: He is NOT masturbating!] and spoke softly, "Please leave…"

"…Sir?"[A/N: Duh.]

"Please…"[A/N: Frieza saying please? I never thought I'd see the day!] Frieza's pitiful voice was barely above a whisper, his face pained and his breathing ragged[A/N: It's not arousal, you perv!]. The way he had whispered sounded almost as if he was begging Zarbon to leave him alone[A/N: No, not because he wants to beat his meat! He wants to cry over his baby! *sniffle*]. And Lord Frieza never begged[A/N: Not even for sex, LOL].

Zarbon bit his lip[A/N: He's cute when he does that.] and turned towards the door when he heard the pain [A/N: *sniffle*] in his master's voice. "Goodbye, little Sweetheart…" His face was streaked with tears[A/N: I'm sure Zarbon has a soft side that would let him cry a little.] by the time he stepped out into the corridor and walked away[A/N: Isn't this so sad?]. Tears so strong he stopped in his tracks[A/N: Can't you tell he really cared about little Onyx?], pressed his forehead against the cold metal wall and gritted his teeth [A/N: *Ahem*] as silent whimpers made his shoulders tremble[A/N: He's not masturbating, perv!].

As soon as the door hissed shut, Frieza pressed his cheek to Onyx's[A/N: Don't even think it, hentai!] chest and closed his eyes. He stopped holding back[A/N: *Ahem!*] and burst into mournful sobs that shook his body[A/N: WHOA! Frieza CRYING?! Hell has definitely frozen over!]. His shoulders heaved, his lower lip trembling so fiercely it made his entire lower jaw shake[A/N: Frieza never cried in his life, so I'm sure he'd just relax and cry like a toddler once he got going since he wouldn't know it was happening right away.]. He rocked back and forth like a tree in the grips of a hurricane, his tears dripping onto his daughter's chest[A/N: Stop thinking like that, pervert!]. "Onyx…uh-uh-ahuhuh-ahuh[A/N: I just wanted to spell out his sobbing to make this more dramatic ^_^ Is it working?]…my baby…ahuh…my…ahuh-ahuh…Little Goddess[A/N: *sniffle* This is just so sad! ;_;]…my – ahuh-uhuh-uh-uh…"[A/N: And the Oscar goes to…ME!]

And so, for the first time in his life[A/N: Yes, the first…], the hateful tyrant succumbed to helpless tears[A/N: Poor, poor Frieza *sniffle* I'd cry too if that was my little girl…oh wait, she is. I created her. *starts crying*]. The next several minutes were filled with the sounds of his pitiful bawling, sobbing and whimpering[A/N: *Sniffle*] as he cried mournfully over the loss of his little girl.[A/N: I cried as I wrote this. Really, isn't it the saddest thing you ever read?]*

Now wasn't that the most annoying[A/N: *Ahem*] excerpt you ever read?


If you really want to make your author's notes annoying, be sure they insult your readers' intelligence. Say stuff like:

** ** = thoughts. Who needs italics, right?

**Stupid monkeys! I'll destroy them all!** Thought Freeza angrily.

Zarbon tensed when he noticed his master's serious expression. **I'd better get out of here before he deep-fries me.**

~ ~ = telepathy. Again, who needs italics?

Guru gathered his mental energy, took a deep breath and thought aloud to Nail. ~Nail, you must distract Freeza until Dende gets the password to the Earthlings.~

~Yes, Guru.~ Nail thought back silently.


" " = dialogue. Be sure to remind your readers of this, or they may never realize that a fan-girl is actually SPEAKING to Piccolo!

"Hey, Piccolo, you sexy Namek you!" the girl called.

Piccolo snorted and ignored her so he could continue his meditation. Then he realized what the girl just said and snapped his head up, "ARGH! Not another one! Go away!"


## ## = flashback. Ooo, don't tell your readers that Vegeta is remembering his past. Instead, make them look at ugly symbols that interrupt the story's flow!

Vegeta saw the scar on his chest and shut his eyes as he traced it's outline with two fingers.

##Freeza's nails dug deep into his pectoral muscle and ripped away the virgin flesh. Vegeta screamed and struggled to escape the evil Icejin's grasp, but his struggles were in vain and Freeza was just too strong. He couldn't escape.##

Shuddering, he hurriedly put his shirt on and left the bathroom.


[ ] = author's notes. Readers love these, don't they? Yeah, they all came to read the annoying author's notes sprinkled in the text until the fic is a regular Mystery Science Theater episode!

I already brought this up[A/N: LALALALA!], so I'll just [A/N: BLAH BLAH BLAH!] go on to the next[A/N: DUN, DUN, DUN!] subject. [A/N: So there!]

Yup, that's it! Now, my pupil, blossom! Go forth and show the world just how annoying your DBZ fics can be!

Author's note: Please be aware that I was being sarcastic when I wrote this(the idea came to me after visiting a hilarious website called How To Make An Annoying Webpage). I'm not pointing fingers at anyone specific, nor am I trying to hurt or offend. I'm just using cynicism to be humorous. If you feel the need to flame me, go ahead. All your insults will do is make me laugh at the fact that you can't take a joke. ^_^

*Excerpt from Touch Of Innocence used and butchered with permission from the original author :-P Thanks IceJin!*

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