Continuation...
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That evening, after all the ruffians were safely carted off to the police station, everyone slumped in the Kamiya dojo, exhausted both physically and mentally. Sano couldn't help feeling relieved that the trouble-makers were no more than mere ruffians, not some super-strong guy like that Aoshi.
Kenshin was leaning against the wooden frame of the doorway, his eyes closed, his sakabatou resting against his right shoulder. As Kaoru finally approached him, the others tactfully beat a retreat - to the corner of the walkway and proceeded to eavesdrop. Both Kenshin and Kaoru were aware of that, but decided to let it go.
"Kenshin. Are you angry at us for not restoring your memories earlier?"
Kenshin opened his eyes, but did not speak. Instead, he gazed steadfastly at Kaoru until she blushed.
"As a matter of fact - no. For you have helped me answer one thing, Kaoru-dono."
Kaoru frowned, questioning.
"All along, there is a secret desire in my heart to throw away everything, all the burden of my past, even this sakabatou, to live alone in a place where no one will ever find me. I was so tired... so tired that even I myself wasn't aware of this desire. I guess my 'memory loss' was a subconscious venting." He gave a low chuckle.
"During your fight this afternoon, I felt the old memories catching up with me again. The killings, the screams. The taste of blood. I felt the Hitokiri in me surfacing."
That was when Megumi screamed out, Kaoru thought.
"And then, your voice... rang out in my mind. Like the toil of the bell from a Buddhist monastery on the top of a hill at dawn, piercing through the morning fog to awaken me from a restless sleep full of nightmares. And I remembered other things... all the sweet, wonderful things of this world which had propelled me to continue." Kaoru's heart gave a leapt.
"It's been so long that I've nearly forgotten. All the lovely miracles of life and this world. It was for these that I chose life over death. True, the world's a place of sufferings, but it's also a place of love and faith, if you know where to look. I know that I'm not entitled to enjoy them, not with the sins I've committed. But at least, I want other people who had despaired in life, who had lost all their faith in this world because of the sufferings they've been put through, to realize that love does exist, even in the deeps of hell.
"My namesake... the sword and the heart. Maybe it is my destiny to carry both the Hitokiri and the Rurouni inside me through this life. We're inseparable. You must remember what I said when we first met. The sword is a killing instrument, kenjutsu a killing technique. Much as I abhor it, this is the only way I know in order to live, the only means I have in order to help other people. I'm not complaining - I deserve this. And I should be able to face this fact bravely..."
Kenshin's eyes turned glassy as he stares into space, but was startled when Kaoru addressed him.
"You're not telling me everything, are you."
It was not a question, but a statement. Kenshin was shocked and and felt guilty. How did she know? I'd never mentioned the plum blossoms, the snow or even the man with the white, red-trimmed mantle. How...?
"Never mind about that now. I'll wait... until one day when you finally decide that I'm strong enough to share it with you. But do listen to what I've got to say now.
"You talk of your namesake, the sword and the heart. One is life-taking, the other life-giving. You see this as an omen that the Hitokiri and Rurouni are destined to be one, but it's further than that. True, Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu may be a Killing Sword, but the way you're using it is the way of the Living Sword, Kamiya Katsushin Ryuu."
Kenshin was stunned. (As were the eavesdroppers.)
"Kenshin. You had two choices: to let your sword wield your heart, or to let your heart wield your sword. And you've chosen the latter. That makes you a half-disciple of the Kamiya Katsushin Ryuu." Kaoru drew in a deep breath. "You're no practitioner of the Killing Sword."
"But... the Hitokiri in me uses the Killing Sword," Kenshin protested stubbornly.
"As I said before, so what? The problem with you is that you're too guilt-ridden, Kenshin. Don't do that. Don't burden yourself with self-inflicted guilt. If you're determined to live as the Rurouni, don't go brooding about Hitokiri. Believe me, you are entitled to enjoy love and all the wonderful things of this world as much as I do, as any other people do. Yes, you have the right to love and protect others who are important to you, *but you have also the right to be loved and protected as well.*
"Don't deny yourself that right, for by doing so, you are hurting those who care about you.
"We're family, all of us - and we're facing it together. Just like this afternoon. We all fought, you, Sanosuke, Yahiko, Megumi, me. We fought for each other's happiness, for that is the source of our own happiness. That's what makes us so important to each other. No matter what happens, promise me, we'll face it together, and our hearts will go on together."
Kenshin looked up into the clear blue eyes of the brave young woman in front of him, his own violet eyes moved with emotions. Strange... he thought, as he suddenly understood the look in the eyes of the man in the white mantle when he sometimes looked at him. I thought that only he would utter such hard yet wise words to me... though we did fight a lot. Shishou... I did not realise that I now have two shishous...
Moved as deeply as Kenshin, Sano, Megumi and Yahiko came out of their hiding place and joined the couple. Without a word, the five people placed a hand on each other's hands or shoulders, forming a circle linked by their friendship, pledging a silent vow that they'd sail through the journey of this life together.
Kenshin shut his eyes, afraid that if he opened them, emotions would spill out. Gods... I forgot the last time I cried. No... I *do* remember. I remember every single detail of my past as if it happened yesterday. I was just afraid to face them, afraid to admit that I remember them, afraid that I would collapse under their weight. Praise the gods that I have finally found a family who care so much about me, and please, please endow me with the strength to continue protecting them. And the courage to open myself to them.
Again, the memories of the scent of plum blossoms, and the quiet smile on a beautiful, melancholy face came to him. He silently uttered the name in his heart. My love... are you still here? If you are, and if you bear no hatred for me... I don't ask you to forgive me,I know I don't deserve it no matter what Kaoru-dono said, but please, watch over these people.
Someday... I'll tell Kaoru-dono about the plum-blossoms. In the meantime... please gods, may I never forget the feel of the blue ribbon in my hand.
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Megumi sighed again, standing by the window. Sano walked up beside her, and together they watched the stars silently. Sano spoke at length.
"Looks like you're losing your man."
"Hmmph. I've known that a long time ago." Surprised, Sano turned his head sharply and stole a quick look at Megumi. He noticed her glassy, unfocused gaze and realised that she wasn't even aware of his question, much less that she had replied it subconsciously. He quickly averted his attention to the stars again, his cheeks suddenly hot.
"Dammit, you'd still have me," he said in a voice as low as possible, but knew she'd heard it anyway as her body stiffened. Then she muttered something, and turned to go rather hastily. Sano cursed himself for his lack of tact and composure.
"Back to square one," Yahiko mumbled, who was eavesdropping again, startling poor Sano so badly that he nearly fell.
"YOU LITTLE EAVESDROPPING BRAT! Don't you know shame?! I'll tell Tsubame if you dare split on me!!" Sano, embarrassed to be caught off guard, snatched at Yahiko's shirt and the two embarked on another brawl.
And the stars, which had witnessed so many transitions and shifts of eras, of lifes and deaths, of love and hate, glittered on.
-End-
*Lousy fanfic. Yeah, I know that the last section wasn't exactly necessary or relevant, but I couldn't resist putting it in. ^_^x The story takes place after the Nagaoka Mikio affair, since in the fanfic Sano knew about Tsubame, and Kaoru talked of Kenshin's advice on 'one who wields the Living Sword cannot afford to lose'. Hope you can catch the meaning of the blue ribbon. In fact, I myself can't decide whether this fanfic's about Kenshin or Kaoru... maybe a new perspective to their relationship (sensei-disciple). Believe me, I don't buy the "damsel-in-distress" stuff all the time! So here's Kaoru-sensei in action! ^_^ And how I wish that Kenshin would *stick* to his promise in future...