Just then, his buzzer beeped. Maul sighed irritatibly and picked up the phone. “What do you want?” he droned. The person on the other end garbled out something incoherent. Maul frowned and asked the man to repeat himself.
“We need more isch!” he yelled drunkenly. Maul held the phone from his ear slightly, wincing.
“Fine. What room are you in?” Maul asked in return. The man spoke away from the phone at someone beside him before replying.
“306!” The other’s voice interrupted. “No, we’re in 309! I’m shorry!” Maul sighed to himself and said he’d be there shortly. The man thanked him stupidly and hung up. Maul dropped the phone back onto the cradle and left the front desk.
Maul exited the elevator doors and made his way to room 309. Strangely, no noise came from inside the room. He rapped on the door loudly. “Hey! You the guys who wanted ice?” he bellowed. He continued banging on the door until it slowly swung open with a creak. Maul poked his head in. The room was completely dark and no one was in sight.
“Hey! Anyone in here?” Maul called out, stepping inside the blackened room. He fumbled along the wall for a lightswitch. Just then the lights flickered on and he was face to face with a midsection. A portly midsection. He yelped and backed away towards the door. The door slammed shut and the midsection strode forward. A large reptilian head lowered to stare Maul in the eyes.
“Yousa thinkin’ yousa can just be walkin’ in here?” it demanded in a garbled tongue. Maul snarled and grabbed the creature’s neck roughly.
“You asked me to come here, you idiotic creature!” he snarled. The thing slapped Maul’s hands away and hoisted him up to his eye level. Maul used his control over the Force to make the thing release him.
“Hey! Jar Jar! Come back to bed!” sang out a deep female voice from the bedroom. Maul pushed the thing aside and gaped. A young girl dressed in stately, if not tattered, robes, her long hair mussed and out of place around her face. Jar Jar beamed a toothy smile the girl’s way and nodded his great floppy-eared head.
“Mesa comin’, Amidala!” he responded and flopped onto the bed. Maul swallowed back bile for the second time that night as the Gungan joyfully rolled on the bed with the young Naboo queen. This was sick! He had to get out of there and fast!
He spun towards the door and tried opening it. Locked! He fumbled on his person for the ring of keys and cursed when he remembered he’d tossed them hours earlier. Jar Jar and Amidala looked at the angry Zabrakian curiously.
“Does the bellhop wish to play our games?” Amidala asked in her commanding voice. Jar Jar shrugged his weak shoulders. “We need a third person anyway. Jar Jar, sieze him and bring him to me.” Maul shook his head wildly and held his hands out.
“Keep the hell away from me you sick perverted bastards!” he screamed and rushed past the bumbling Gungan. He leaped over the bed, narrowly missing the queen’s outstretched hand, and rolled to a stop before the bathroom door. He used his Force to push the tall Gungan back onto the bed, thoroughly crushing the queen. Frantically, more afraid that he’d ever been in his life, he threw himself into the bathroom and locked the door. From the outside, Jar Jar began banging on the door, demanding his odd langauge that he come out. Maul whispered a “Hell no!” to himself and searched the small room for a way out. Above the toliet he spied a small window. He climbed atop the closed toliet seat cover and punched out the window. Cool air rushed into his face as he poked his head out of the broken window. Dozens f ships soared past his head, making him yelp and duck inside quickly. After a last minute search of the bathroom again he confirmed that this was the only way out of this situation. Steeling himself against whatever might be waiting for him out of the window, he began squeezing himself through the small opening.
He managed to get his torso out but couldn’t get his legs out. He hung there, suspended and screaming for help. A noise above his head caused him to look up. Anakin poked his head out of his room, his face tinted green. Maul furrowed his brow at the boy’s expression.
“Ice...need..ice..” Anakin muttered thickly. Maul blinked then gasped sharply when he saw the boy lurch. Maul scurried back inside the room before the green puke hit him on the head. He collapsed onto the bathroom floor and cursed. Now his only way out was through the room door. He snatched up his lightsaber, hidden carefully in the side pocket of his uniform jacket, and kicked open the bathroom door. There was no sight of the beastiality-loving pair. He kept his sense sharp lest they sprang forward from the other side of the bed and jumped him offguard. He inched his way to the door, glancing about the whole time. Finally, he reached the door, ripped it from the hinges, and hurried out down the hall.
* * *
Dawn was fast approaching and Maul’s patience was thinning. So far, he’d seen a pair of Jedi Knights doing the nasty with whips and women’s underwear, two of the most-respected Jedi Council members leave the hotel to whore themselves on the streets, and a Gungan banging a human female. What else could go wrong?! he wondered. The red light at the top of the phone panel blinked on and off. It was the penthouse suite. Curious, Maul picked up the special red phone for the uppermost room and spoke into it.
“Yes, what do you want?” The voice on the other end made him fall out of his chair. “Master Sidious! When did you get here?” Sidious cackled and replied that he’d decided to monitor his apprentice’s work.
“I have some friends up here with me, Maul, and I command you to bring us the best alcohol in the hotel,” Sidious instructed. Maul nodded quickly.
“Yes, my Master. I’ll be there right away.” Sidious thanked him and hung up. Maul gently placed the phone back on the cradle and sat there for a moment. Why in the world would his master want to stay here when he had a gorgeous home already? Cheap fun, Maul mused and got up from the floor. This task would require the usage of a food cart.