THE TROUBLE WITH CATS
This is a RurouniKenshin parody written by the hungry stomach and the insane mind of a cat-lover (and owner of one cat) named Nadya Neklioudova on November 6, 1998, whose mother buys lots of cat food on sale for our cat Stanley, so that I can't even find normal food when I come home from school. (I was looking for canned soup, you see) You don't know how much cat-food there seems to be if you can't find human-food... :P
Note: all resemblance to the StarTrek: Original Series episode titled "The Trouble With Tribbles" is purely coincidental - except the title of this parody, that is. This parody was originally titled "That Darn Kenshin" (after "That Darn Cat"). But then after I watched "The Trouble With Tribbles" (which I first watched long after I wrote this) and discovered the striking similarity between my parody and the episode, (now what do they say about great minds thinking alike? *grin* j/k), I decided to rename my parody to "The Trouble With Cats". Enjoy! :) (And watch "The Trouble With Tribbles", even if you aren't a StarTrek fan! It's HILARIOUS!)
==================
Kaoru wipes sweat away from her forehead, sighs, and closes her eyes as she wearily walks home. Her rumbling stomach and quick breath remind her of the tiring wooden-sword-practice she just had to endure while training Yahiko. But visions of food, tasty, wonderful, warm, hunger-satisfying food float in her head as she enters the dojo yard. Ah yes, she will now open that door and Kenshin will run out to greet her with a...
"MEEEOOOW!"
Yes, a... Meow??
Kaoru's eyes pop open in surprise as a fuzzy something brushes against her leg. No, scratch that..lots of fuzzy somethings. She looks down in horror expecting some new trick by some crazy samurai to Battousai-ize Kenshin, but finds that the fuzzy somethings are little kittens...and bigger kittens...and cats...and bigger cats...cats of all sizes and shapes and colors...all rubbing against her legs and meowing.
First she wanted to say something sweet. Then she wanted to say something wondering what these cats were doing here. Then she wanted to plug her ears to escape from all that high-pitched meowing. Then she called "KEEEENSHIIIIIN!!!" (the pitch of her voice almost matching the cats' voices)
No response.
With cats surrounding her feet like fuzzy, meowing slippers, she walked to the kitchen.
And slipped on a fish.
"Ewww!" was her first thought as she lay flat on the floor. "Did Sano need more fish-bones to chew on?" was her second, as she felt a cat jump on her. "Where's the food??" decided it all.
She struggled to get up as the cats of all sizes, shapes and colors evidently decided that she was in the middle of their personal trans-dojo road, and she could swear every single one of them managed to walk on her.
Our Heroine (gomen Kristin Olson-san for using your term for
Kaoru! I just thought the term would fit perfectly..) finally stood up, only to find herself an
island in a sea
of cats. An island with messy hair, no less. Something fishy was
evidently going on...
But she'd figure it all out after she filled her poor stomach, she thought, as she reached to the first cupboard.
Hmm, what did Kenshin buy on his last shopping trip? Sushi? Rice? Canned soup? Macaroni? Potatoes? Kraft Dinner? Pizza? Cat food?
Cat food???
Yes, it was there. No, not sushi, rice, canned soup, macaroni, potatoes, Kraft Dinner or even pizza. Cans, bags, bowls of cat food of all shapes and sizes populated the cupboard.
But Our Heroine was a persistent one. She waded through the cats (she was sure there was about ten less of them the last time she looked!) to the next cupboard..and the next....
Cat food?
Cat food???
CAT FOOD!?!?!?!?!
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
For once her shrill, piercing scream echoing through the dojo beat the meowing of the cats on all scales.
"Kaoru-dono?" Kenshin's ultra-concerned voice reached her ears, which were momentarily deafened by her own scream. Kenshin stood there, his gorgeous red hair ruffled from running, his deep purple eyes looking at her with genuine concern...his arms holding even more bags of cat food.
Kaoru smiled, then began to laugh. Sitting in an ocean of cats, her stomach demanding food, a black-and-white kitten perched on her head, another tugging at her ponytail - she realised the humor of it all and laughed hysterically. Kenshin also figured it out, after a few "oro"'s, and started laughing. Soon they were both rolling on the floor laughing hysterically, surrounded by cats of all colors, shapes and sizes digging happily and hungrily into the cat-food.
But apparently it wasn't funny to a certain 'chicken-head' outside the dojo...
"THEY EVEN STOLE ALL MY CHEWING-FISHBONES!!!"
===============
Does this sound like StarTrek's "The Trouble With Tribbles" to you yet? I know, I was amazed too. And I wrote this first long before even knowing what "The Trouble With Tribbles" was... @_@ All similarities are purely accidental, I assure you!