Scones and Turds (Submitted by Lilian Weide E-Mail)

(A cheap recipe that bakes quickly. O.K. If you’re just going to copy this recipe, and not follow the tips, don’t bother. You will be wasting your time, and will be disappointed. The success is in the method and serving. - Lilian)
Ingredients:
225g self raising flour
2.5ml salt
5ml baking powder
50g butter or margarine
150 ml milk
Strawberry Jam
Cream

Method:

  1. Preheat oven to 230°C/450°F. 

  2. The oven must be hot (You’re not making a cake)

  3. Sift dry ingredients together 3 times. 

  4. You have to incorporate as much air as possible into the mixture to make it light.

  5. Using a blunt knife, cut the margarine into the mixture until it looks like breadcrumbs. 

  6. Don’t use your hands it will flatten the mixture. (Use your hands when you make bread. Not Scones.).

  7. Still using the blunt knife, mix in the milk.

  8. Put mixture onto floured surface.

  9. Pat lightly to 2cm thick. 

  10. Cut the scones into smaller circles. (Don’t cut big scones) 

  11. Cut triangles if you don’t feel like circles.

  12. Press leftovers together lightly, and cut more circles. 

  13. Don’t be tempted to make them look pretty – nobody will see the tops because you will be cutting them in half remember? Anyway, the more you knead this, the more it becomes heavy and rock like.

  14. Bake for 10 minutes. 


Serving Method:

  1. Just before serving, cut in half, butter them and add strawberry jam and cream. (They don’t look good if they stand for a long time)

  2. Serve only with strawberry jam and cream. 

  3. If you don’t eat butter and cream, forget the Scones and go for the bran muffins!

  4. The scone should be light and airy.

Comments:
I usually wake up 30 minutes earlier on the day I need these, and make them quickly before I go to work. 
They don’t taste good the next day.
Don’t eat too many of these. If you’re hungry, eat the rainbow sandwiches.

How to make a turd. by Lilian Weide 

On my birthday, I made these scones for my colleagues before I went to work. In a Big Hurry.
I noticed the leftover bits of dough that I should pat into another scone. 
I put it together quickly. 
I didn’t have time to smooth out the cracks in the dough. 
I placed it into a hot oven, and promised myself that this ugly scone will be eaten by myself.
It was not to be served to anyone else.
I rushed off to work forgetting the last scone in the oven. 
Forgetting, also, to switch the oven off.
I came home from work and started cooking supper.
I noticed that the oven wass on and that the scone was left in the oven. 
The scone now looked just like a turd.
So I took it to work the next day and put it on your boss’s desk before he arrived. 
The boss was angry the whole day.
...and he destroyed the turd. So I couldn't get it back.
The Moral of the story is: Bosses like Scones. Don't give the Boss a Turd.

This page was last updated : Thursday, October 04, 2001

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