>---------------------------------------------------------------------- > > > > * * * Laws of Japanese Animation * * * > = = ============================ = = > Version 4.2 > Compiled and edited by > Ryan Shellito (rshellit@oboe.aix.calpoly.edu) > Darrin Bright (dbright@oboe.aix.calpoly.edu) > > #1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity > > The normal laws of physics do not apply. > > #2 - Law of Differentiated Gravitation > > Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or > otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced > by a factor of 4. > > #3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime > Acoustics > > In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even > louder because there is no air to get in the way. > > #4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion > > In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity. > > #5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime > Motion > > The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it > moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects > known to human science. > > #6 - Law of Temporal Variability > > Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero > whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. > Time slows down when friends and lovers are being > killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight. > > #7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality > > 'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two > ways. Either so quick they don't even see it coming, > OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character > gains much insight to the workings of society, human > existence or why the toast always lands butter side > down. > > #8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality > > It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless > of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are > killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it > takes them a while to realise they are dead. This is > attributed to the belief that being evil damages the > Reality Lobe of the brain. > > #9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis > > Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are > depicted with either still-frames or black screens > with a slash of bright colour (usually red or white). > > #10 - Law of Dramatic Multiplicity > > Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good > Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at > least 3 times from 3 different angles. > > #11 - Law of Inherent Combust ability > > Everything explodes. Everything. > > First Corollary - Anything that explodes bulges > first. > > Second Corollary - Large cities are the most > explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in > particular seems to be the most unstable of these > cities, sometimes referred to as "The Match stick > City". > > #12 - Law of Phlogistatic Emission > > Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds. > > #13 - Law of Energetic Emission > > There is always an energy build up (commonly referred > to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft > weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of > weapons, it is believed that this is related to > the Law of Inherent Combust ability. > > #14 - Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude > > The destructive potential of a weapon is inversely > proportional to its size. > > #15 - Law of Inexhaustibility > > No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of > course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out- > classed, and unconscious. > > #16 - Law of Inverse Accuracy > > The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form > of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot > increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when > operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of > the shot decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper > Effect) Example: > A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside > down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and > several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a > 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open > field will always miss. > > First Corollary - The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the > less likely they will hit anyone or do any real > damage. > > Second Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced > with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in > neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with > a single burst of automatic fire and then escape. > > Third Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually > hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy > Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, > which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything > more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, > using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or > doing complex martial arts manoeuvres. > > #17 - Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability > > Minmei is a bimbo. (* Note: The Minority Opposition in > Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff > need to get out more. *) > > #18 - Law of Hemoglobin Capacity > > The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, > sometimes more, under high pressure. > > #19 - Law of Demonic Consistency > > Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least > three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or > brown, but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt > bladed weapons. > > #20 - Law of Militaristic Unreliability > > Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large > war-machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty > warriors can be stopped and defeated with a > single insignificant example of a caring/loving > emotion or a song. > > #21 - Law of Tactical Unreliability > > Tactical geniuses aren't.... > > #22 - Law of Inconsequential Undetectability > > People never notice the little things.... Like missing > body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle. > > #23 - Law of Juvenile Intellectuality > > Children are smarter than adults. And almost always > twice as annoying. > > #24 - Law of Antagonistic Americanthropomorphism > > The really nasty 'Bad Guys' are always skinny > Americans. > > #25 - Law of Americanthropomorphistic Intellectual > Inferiority > > The stupid 'Good Guys' are always big Americans. > > First Corollary - The only people who are more stupid > than the big dumb Americans are the American > translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line > Effect) > > Second Corollary - The only people who are more > stupid than the American translators are the American > editors and censors. > > #26 - Law of Mandibular Proportionality > (from a_hicks@lvc.edu and > utmwilliams@msuvx1.memphis.edu) > > The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional > to the volume at which they are speaking. > > #27 - Law of Feline Mutation > (from a_hicks@lvc.edu) > > Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably: > 1) be female > 2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic > mutation > 3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any > > #28 - Law of Conservation of Firepower > (from utmwilliams@msuvx1.memphis.edu) > > Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an > opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved > and used only as a last resort. > > #29 - Law of Technological User-Benevolence > (from utmwilliams@msuvx1.memphis.edu) > > The formal training required to operate a spaceship or > mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity. > > #30 - Law of Melee Luminescence > (from utmwilliams@msuvx1.memphis.edu) > > Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial > arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in > the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue > for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is > attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic > spectrum than Evil. > > #31 - Law of Non-anthropomorphic Antagonism > (from utmwilliams@msuvx1.memphis.edu) > > All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and > usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some > obscure reason. > > #32 - Law of Follicular Chroma Variability > (from spellweaver@mail.utexas.edu) > > Any colour in the visible spectrum is considered a > natural hair colour. This colour can change without > warning or explanation. > > #33 - Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of > Anime Aerodynamics > > *ANY* shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, > is automatically aerodynamic. > > #34 - Law of Probable Attire > (from ???) > > Clothing in anime follows certain predictable > guidelines. > > Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, > regardless of whether it is socially or > meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an > excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her > clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. > > Whenever there is a headwind, a Male characters will > invariably wear a long cloak which doesn't hamper > movement and billows out dramatically behind him. > > First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) - > All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold > temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm > clothing in snow. > > > Starting to understand a bit better? This answers most > anime concerns quite well. > > ICEBGC