COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER: All rights and privileges to Houshin Engi belong to Ryu Fujisaki, JUMP Comics; Shueisha Inc., and TV Tokyo. Characters from HE are used without permission for the purpose of entertainment only. This work of fanfiction is not meant for commercial use. No infringements of rights are intended. In other words - please don't sue me, I need my allowance to buy HE merchandise and make you guys rich! **************************************************************** Smiling Tears Part I By Shioru Sutherlands (aka. Kotoshin) **************************************************************** "You will regret." "Why?" "Because I will not forgive." blood the feel of blood the slick wet sensation of blood soaking into flesh draped over hands dripping down fingers clutching for familiar gentle arms which will never come blood the color of blood a vibrant strong red drying cracking into sheets of black burns sears brands onto numbed retina of eyes too weary with shock to close or look away weep tears that will not come blood the scent of blood the scent filling the air into this body twisting and corroding rampaging within until the nausea could not be contained and blood vomits out blood and blood flowing and more blood spilling after blood pooling ... "Fuugen." Someone was calling his name. "Fuugen." Help me, he wanted to say. Help me. Help me ... wash the blood away. "Yo, FUUGEN!" It was his fault. It was his fault they died. And it was his fault that he lived. It was his fault that he lived while they died. "...hn...?" Someone was shaking him vigorously. He opens his eyes a mere crack, afraid to see the remembered sight of crimson and black. "Daijoubu ... you alright?" A pair of green eyes, familiar and warm. Green eyes looking down worriedly at him. He smiles, moves the arm flung over his tousled blue hair, reaching up to touch a cheek. "Hai ... yes, what makes you ask that?" Fuugen Shinjin smiles, his usual, perfect smile. A smile that those green eyes know to be a mask. "... you had a nightmare." "... a nightmare?" Denial, a polite query with the barest tinge of disbelief. "... Fuugen, you were moaning in your sleep. It sounded ... well, as if you were in pain." Green eyes furious, glaring into his. "Tossing and turning so much that I couldn't sleep and you know very well how soundly I sleep not even thunderbolts and lightning can wake me up (so there :p) and if that wasn't a nightmare, what was?" The mask remains, flawless and seamless. It does not waver. He did not lie - not any more - not to himself, at least. He had learned how to be honest with himself because of a pair of vivid green eyes. "You think too much." Only this, the green eyes must not know. By keeping this secret, he would remain himself - true to himself. Green eyes had taught him that much. "Liar." Even if it meant lying to those same green eyes. "Bou-chan," Placatingly, the hand traced the outline of the cheek, turned and rested one finger onto the slightly pouting lips. "It was your fault, you know." "Being with me gives you /nightmares/?" Taikoubou was quite indignant. His ... his - bedmate (he will not use that other term which makes him oddly susceptible to whatever logical and reasonable suggestion his BEDMATE makes) - had nightmares because of sleeping with him?! Well, then, he'll just have to sleep elsewhere! Pulling away from the too intimate hand, Taikoubou scurried over to the edge of their (no, not theirs, Fuugen's) bed. Just as he swung his legs over the side to stand up, a pair of arms locked themselves securely around his waist. "Bou-chan, don't you know that it's bad manners to leave before someone's finished speaking?" "Fuugen, let go of me!" Swearing and struggling and flailing, a most uncooperative "Bou-chan" was pulled back into bed. Pushed down into the pillows by his shoulders, Taikoubou came nose to nose with Fuugen's angelic smile. /No ... not that smile - not that -/ He could feel his anger melting, being replaced by a warm and tender ache in his gut that - no, he would not think that, he would not go there! "Bou-chan, you have trouble telling when I'm having nightmares ..." A breath against his ear, as Fuugen leaned in close to place a firm nibble onto a flushed lobe. " ... and when I'm dreaming of you." "... urm ... ahh ..." "I think I need to show you, hmmm?" The tone was husky. Husky, demanding, and possessive in all the promise that it made, unspoken. Taikoubou knew better than making anything other than a feeble whimper of protest as Fuugen made good the unspoken promise. Slowly. Very slowly. Much too slowly. ================================================================ TWO HOURS LATER .... (and to some, an eternity later) "Feeling better now?" Exhausted, Taikoubou somehow found the energy to throw a pillow at the speaker. It missed. /Drat./ ".... what do you think?" He could barely move and he was sore when he did and if Fuugen dared to point out that it /was/ a satisfied kind of soreness he will DO something drastic to that smiling moron and no he did not even /want/ to think about where Fuugen had found the stamina after last night to - uh-oh. Maybe that wasn't the best way to answer Fuugen's question. ".... if you have enough spirit to complain, you surely have enough energy to get up again, don't you, Bou-chan?" /Help./ Fuugen always did take him - literally. [1] ================================================================ DAWN It did not help Taikoubou's mood at all when Fuugen woke him up the next morning for his daily "meditation" session. "AIIIIIIEEEE!!!" "Ohayo gozaimasu," Fuugen was disgustingly cheerful in the unholy hour of morning. "Good morning, Bou-chan." It was barely PAST sunrise, for Senninkai's sake. "Fuugen, I've told you and told you and told you and TOLD YOU -" Dripping water, wet clothing[2] clinging to skin uncomfortably, Taikoubou wondered if it would be a good thing to wipe that smile off Fuugen's face. "You can wake me up however you like, but don't you DARE ever use Taikyokufuin to condense water molecules into ice AGAIN!!!" "Are you cold, Bou-chan?" Taikoubou shivered as the ice melted into rivulets of water, sliding down bared skin and raising goosebumps. The sennin even /sounded/ truly concerned for his health. Ha. "I.. I'm..m ... I am /not/ cold." Probably not a good idea, the teeth-chattering doushi decided, even though it would be immensely self-gratifying to make Fuugen lose that expression (anything but That Smile). "Just get me a dry towel or something." Hugging himself for warmth, Taikoubou glared at Fuugen, who was smiling peaceably down at his predicament. "Oh, I can think of better ways to get warm, Bou-chan." Taikoubou did not like the way the conversation was going. "For the last time, Fuugen, NO-mmmmphhmmmm!!!" As usual, "Bou-chan" did not even have time to protest properly before his lips were sealed and the rest of his body busily engaged in a struggle for domination of articles of clothing. .... why is this person his best friend? Not for the first time, Taikoubou asked himself as he fought Fuugen for ownership of his /own/ robes. The doushi could feel a headache coming on, and he was painfully light-headed from the lack of sleep from the previous evening. (In short, he was losing.) It was obviously going to be "one of those days". /How did I ever get myself into this mess?/ Even worse, Taikoubou knew that he had no one else but himself to blame. /I remember now, I said "yes." (|||||bbbb)/ ================================================================ FLASHBACK TIME (about 30 years ago) [3] "Yo, Fuugen." Sunning himself belly-up on the rock, Taikoubou spoke. "Hai, Bou-chan?" Tinkering with Taikyokufuin, Fuugen Shinjin sat cross-legged to the side. "We're best friends, right?" "For now, we are." "What the hell do you mean by that?!" Taikoubou bolted upright. "Exactly what I said, Bou-chan." Smiling his usual smile, Fuugen did not even look up. "Fuu. Gen. Shin. Jin." Taikoubou went for a wrestler's lock about Fuugen's neck. "Explain yourself." "It's not something you want to hear about." "Tell me~~~(cheapskate)~~~!" "Bou-chan, please let go of my neck first." Fuugen wasn't even flinching at the increase in pressure about his neck. "It's a bit difficult to talk - gah - like this." "Okay." Taikoubou loosened his hold. "Spit it out." "Is that the way you talk to your best friend?" Fuugen smiled sweetly. "Fuugen~~!!!" The doushi hated it when Fuugen took his time - to deliberately provoke him. [4] "I don't want to be Bou-chan's best friend any more." "NA ... NANI?" What? This he did not expect. But the next sentence floored him completely. "I want to be Bou-chan's lover." A serenely smiling Fuugen and a bug-eyed Taikoubou stared at each other for a long, drawn out moment. "... Fu-Fuugen, are you joking?" Hesitantly, Taikoubou was the first one to speak. "Do I look like I am?" Fuugen's smile had disappeared, and Taikoubou could see the serious intent in violet eyes. "Then what do you call this?" Taikoubou didn't give up the idea that Fuugen was putting one over him so easily. It /had/ been a long time since he hid Fuugen's clothes the last time they went swimming together. Taikoubou knew that Fuugen would find some way of getting even for /that/ sooner or later. He expected it. After all, payback made sense and /was/ common practice whenever one of them played a practical joke on the other. "A confession of love." Fuugen didn't even bat an eyelash, the violet gaze did not falter in the slightest. With a dropped jaw, Taikoubou stared at Fuugen (who was not smiling at all) in silence. "Fu ... Fuugen, I had no idea ..." For once, Taikoubou was at a loss of words. "This is why I can't be Bou-chan's best friend any more." Taking Taikyokufuin in both hands, Fuugen stood up abruptly. "It would hurt too much to stay with you, Bou-chan, now that you know how I feel. "It's best if we are only fellow students." Fuugen's face was without expression. "Wait a sec -" Ignoring him, Fuugen went on. "Bou-chan, the only reason for me to stay would be because you accepted me." Fuugen turned away. "But since I know that it's not possible -" "I SAID WAIT A SEC THERE!!!! (Were you even /listening/ to me at all?!)" "I told you - it wasn't something you wanted to hear." "What makes you think I don't like you?" Taikoubou regretted those words as soon as he said them, because - "... so, Bou-chan does like me." Turning around, Fuugen flashed a brilliant smile at him. "I didn't say that!" Taikoubou knew that he'd been tricked. "Bou-chan, if you need time to think it over ... I don't mind." The smile went as quickly as it came. Fuugen's eyes were those of someone who had lost hope. "But ... please give me a direct answer. I can't second guess you - I don't know what your answer will be unless you tell me." "......." Taikoubou stared at Fuugen. And stared. And Stared. ".... Bou-chan ....? (||||||bbbbbb)" Fuugen was feeling uncomfortable under that unnerving stare. "... mmmpphhhhhhhHA!!!" Taikoubou burst out into maniacal laughter. "MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!"[5] ".... Bou ... Bou-chan ....? (||||||bbbbbb)" Fuugen was feeling decidedly uncomfortable. "... it's not fair, oh, gods ..." Weakly, Taikoubou buried his head under his arms as his shoulders shook with silent laughter. " ... it's so UNfair ... you ...? Heeheeheeheeheehee.... not able to tell how I think ....? eheeheeheeheeheeheehee....there's a laugh for you ... you KNEW what I would answer if you gave me a choice like this, DAMMIT, you bastard!!!" "......" Fuugen did not answer. "... it's not @#$^#%&*@ FAIR!!! You know it's not fair to make me choose like that! It just isn't!" "Bou-chan, life isn't fair." No denial. "... and you know that I don't want to lose you ... as a friend ... or as ..." Taikoubou's voice grew too small to be heard. "... Bou-chan?" Fuugen leaned over the bent figure worriedly. "Alright. You win." Taikoubout raised his head, extending one hand to Fuugen. Bright green eyes sparkled with amusement and admiration. [6] "It's a deal." "I'll hold you to those words, Bou-chan." Smiling, Fuugen took Taikoubou's hand. "Yeah, yeah ..." He shrugged carelessly. "And even if I so conveniently 'forget', you'd be sure to remind-eeeehhh?!?" Fuugen's face was suddenly too close. ===================================== FLASHBACK STILL (5 minutes after) "DAT HURD." Clutching his nose, Taikoubou whined. "OW. Dow dook dwat 'ou did." [7] Stooped in an identical posture beside, the said culprit was trying very hard to keep laughter to a minimum. " 'orry, Bou-chan ..." Fuugen snickered softly, tears of mirth trickling past his cheek. "... dat /wuz/ going 'o be my furth kith." [8] Apparently, Fuugen's kissing skills needed some work. As Fuugen continued to laugh at his own mishap, Taikoubou had a headache. He also had the sinking feeling that there would be more days with headaches like this one, and that Fuugen would be the cause of most, if not all of them. And he was right. ================================================================ PRESENT (sometime before Taikoubou begun the Houshin Project)[9] Fighting with hands that were taking his clothing off as fast as he could put them on was not the way Taikoubou preferred to start the day. (And that's without taking the Taikyokufuin ice incident into account for a "bad morning" ... ) "Fuugen, gimme my pants back!" "Do you think that's likely, Bou-chan," the sennin did not even pause to speak. "... given the state you're in?" While engaged in a tug-of-war over Taikoubou's pants, Fuugen's student Mokutaku walked in. "Fuugen-shishou[10], Taikoubou-susuu ... what are you doing?" ================================================================ ~tbc~ ================================================================ [1] So shi likes puns too much. Too bad it'll get lost once it's translated into Chinese. ^_^ [2] Why is Taikoubou dressed? To be revealed in the next part. *insert cheesy suspense music here* [3] Remember the fishing scene in chapter 136? This is set directly after that. [4] Fuugen: It's working. Who are we to argue with results? ^_^ [5] Hey, if Ryu Fujisaki can do it, so can I. ^_- [6] I'd admire someone who can pull something like this off successfully, too. [7] "THAT HURT. OW. Now look what you did." [8] "Sorry, Bou-chan ... that /was/ going to be my first kiss." [9] In other words, shi hadn't decided when, but it's BEFORE Taikoubou starts the Houshin Project in the manga. [10] See Appendix I at the end. ================================================================ Shin no Freetalk: MWAHAHAHAHA. How's Fuugen going to explain /this/ one? ^O^ Knowing Shi's version of Fuugen, he's already got some innocuous excuse ready ... Eheheheheheheh.... Basically, shi started with the first scene, and it just - gained momentum on it's own. Oh, why this title? Well - because it's mostly about Fuugen Shinjin. And what his past would be like. And how that past made him the person he is. Shi is an evil evil evil EVIL person who will not let gen-chan have a happy childhood. See, Fuugen's smile is angelic, but, there always seems to be something that's not quite a smile behind it ... ...so Shi based the premise of Fuugen's past on what /could/ be behind the smile. Inspiration? ... well, part of it would be sth akin to RK's Soujiro-san's past. Alright, no more spoiling. ^_^ Except one more thing - this fic would probably end w/ Fuugen's . So, in any relationships involving Fuugen - *mwahahahahah* - shi is going to let gen-chan be the emotional aggressor. Run, bou-chan, run. And you too, ouji-sama. *heart* mail shi-chan at kichin@doushi.org with any comments! ^o^ ================================================================ Sneak previews of what's going to happen next: Taikoubou gets it good ... and wet. Ouji-sama makes his appearance. Did shi mention that it will definitely be a darker chapter than this one? ^_^; ================================================================ First Edition: September 5th, 2000 at 2:40 PM Last Revised: September 9th, 2000 at 4:50 PM ================================================================ APPENDIX I - terms to remember: KEY - (japanese term = chinese equivalent term = english explanation) shishou = shi jiang = teacher/master shihan = shi fu = teacher/master shi xiong is the chinese term for a fellow student/disciple under the same teacher/master, with seniority when compared to oneself shitei = shi di = fellow student/disciple under the same teacher/master, with less seniority than oneself teishi = di tzu = student/disciple choukei = tzan xion = eldest student/disciple mattei = mo di = the youngest student/disciple susuu = shi suu = fellow student/disciple of one's teacher/master shi-oi (oi being japanese for nephew) = shi tze = student of a fellow student under the same master as oneself ================================================================