(5-96) I am afraid my interest in Chinese medicine is also age related. I must not be alone. This must be a general phenomenon. I am a Chinese baby boomer since world war II. We may be the first generation of Chinese that totally embraced western education without opposition. Our schooling followed the exact model of the western educational system. Before college, We studied math, physics, chemistry, biology, literature (Chinese of course), English(the language, not the literature), geography, and history. Science was placed before myth, logic was placed before intuition.

Before the age of 40, I was relatively healthy. I had no trouble following western medicine. Then I had a baby and my health deteriorated. I was tired, very tired. My doctor decided that I suffered post partum blues despite my protest that I was happy mentally. He sent me to a psychologist, and prescribed an antidepressant. I took one antidepressant, I couldn't sleep for 3 days. Being a pharmacist, I saw too many cases going on a downward spiraling pattern. I suspected soon I would be given sleeping pills, antiparkinsonian medications, or antipsychotic pills, or god knows what would mushroom out of this. I stopped the pill. In the mean time, a terrible dry mouth condition developed. I called the office, wondering what they can do to help me. My doctor said: "may be you need an antianxiety pill." I said: "What? This is clearly physical, it has nothing to do with my psychology." He said: "It is well documented that depression can cause anxiety which in turn can cause dry mouth." I finally decided to change my doctor. His ego is too big to listen to my small voice.

I found a Chinese doctor. Mind you, he is not a doctor practicing Chinese medicine. He is a Chinese doctor practicing western medicine. Insurance companies would not cover a Chinese doctor practicing Chinese medicine. I figured, since he is a Chinese we may at least be able to communicate better. He is a man older than I am, nice, and has a gentle manner. He openly admitted that he knew nothing about Chinese medicine, however, he said: "If you find something, please let me know." He was at least open about Chinese medicine. But, I was not ready to give up western medicine yet. I went to the library, and searched the Medicus Index. I found two articles that seemed promising. One suggested cholinergic drugs to cause salivation, the other used interferon. I don't like cholinergic drugs, I know too well to try to balance my fight and flight system. Besides, it sounded like treating the symptom rather than the disease. I liked the interferon. The study said they found people suffered sjor-gren's syndrome, a disease characterized with dry eyes and dry mouth, typically had lower T cells and T-helper cells. So they tried interferon which supposed to increase the T cells and T-helper cells. The result was encouraging. It sounded more like treating the disease. I asked my doctor, he referred me to a rhumatologist. He had to make sure that I had sjor-gren's syndrome.

I met my specialist, and did more tests. He was surprised about interferon, demanded that I sent him a copy of the study. Interferon is an expensive drug, typically used by AIDS patients to boost their immunity. I knew I have to play the game of ruling out every possibilities before I would be prescribed the medicine, and even then, the chance is small. I sent him the copy, and the meeting was set. When I visited him the second time, he shook my hand which he did not do the first time. We discussed the lab result, and he declared that I don't have Sjor-gren's syndrome. That was that. Interferon was out of the question. Western medicine could not offer me any relief on my dry mouth. I have no choice but turn to Chinese medicine.

I have some basic knowledge about Chinese medicine. Where Western medicine fails to explain, Chinese medicine will shine with glistening reasons. Dry mouth will be a typical example of too much fire. It could be fire in the liver, or kidney, or lung. It could be not enough qi (pronounced chi), or blood. It could be the imbalance of yin and yang. It could be anything abstract and mystical. Modern Chinese medicine hasn't improved much from ancient time. Once I read shelves after shelves of Chinese medicine made in modern China, it was a terror for me to find that none of the medications listed any side effects. Most of the drugs claim to cure more than a dozen of diseases, from weak liver to weak kidney, from impletion of qi to impletion of blood, they may also brighten your eyes, blacken your hair, and increase your yin and strengthen your yang. All these benefits without a single side effect. It is just too good to be true. Yet in the corner of my mind, it kept searching and yearning for a perfect solution. May be when myth and intuition are at their best, they can explain the unexplainable. There were lots of stories in history that the wonder doctor cured the incurable. Whether Chinese medicine works is not the question, whether you can find the real doctor who knows the real art of Chinese medicine is the question. There is value in the wholistic approach of Chinese medicine, the trouble is no one knows the best way to achieve the healthy balanced whole.

My western trained mind is gradually giving way to the eastern myth. I now practice meditation (when I have time), and just recently converted to a vegetarian. I still don't have enough confidence in herbs. My training tells me herbs are predecessors of pills, side effects are within the territory. I read lots of Chinese medicine books, and I am still as lost as ever. May be, just may be, one day I'll meet a true doctor who can explain the true art of Chinese medicine to me.