(9-97) I had a dream a few days ago. I dreamed of a big fish, viscous looking. Its big mouth curved downward, almost shark like. It was swimming furiously in a big Chinese jar, up and down. Then, I saw my aunt. Her oval shaped face totally white and expressionless. She opened the cover of the jar and put her head in. I pulled her arms, and screamed: "No. No. It's a flesh eating fish." A man, seemed like my father, came over. He grabbed the fish and laid it on a stone. The fish's head and tail flapping. While holding it down, the man took a heavy rod hit the fish on its head. The fish was dead. He skinned the fish and cut off the head; blood dripping...

I woke up motionless, her face still clear in my mind. Why would I dream about her? I haven't seen her for more than twenty five years. The first thought I had was she died. If she was alive, she would have been more than ninety years old. Why me? Why send a dream to me? I wasn't particularly close to her. She was my mother's cousin's wife, not a close relative. I felt slightly uneasy that she was never on my list to be visited when I went back home.

She and my uncle never had a child of their own. They adopted a son, but my uncle was never satisfied. He wanted his own. He was a good man. He didn't drink, nor fool around outside, rare for Chinese men in that age. He was just a little severe. He was a judge. I never liked to visit their home. Their house was always tidy and a bit cold. They maintained the marriage for a good many years until one day he announced that he bought a wife from the country side. He was not the cheating kind, he had to bring the second wife into the same household. I saw the second wife, she was skinny and short, not even 4 feet 5. An ugly woman. One look at her you think of something that needs to be hidden in a dark corner. She never looked at me eye to eye. She always acted like a servant when we were around. I was too young to understand anything. All I knew was my mother sighed and cried a few tears for my aunt, and yet she seemed perfectly understanding that my uncle needed a son of his own.

Gradually, I heard more and more problems coming out of that household. There were fights. My aunt threatened several times to kill herself. Then, there were more and more episodes of her running away from home. Money was the big issue at the end. The last time she ran away from home she took a few hundred thousand dollars with her, and that infuriated my uncle. He decided to divorce her. He didn't want her back anymore. He sent her to a temple in the southern part of the island. I remember visiting her once with my mother. It was a big temple on a mountain. She occupied a small room. She said she felt better than ever before. She had to do some cleaning work, but the food was good, and the air fresh. On our way home, I remember mother sighed: "Temple is a practical place too. How well you are treated depends on how big your donation is. I doubt if your uncle paid much for your aunt."

I thought about her all morning. At the end I tried to think of her name. I couldn't believe that I couldn't remember her name.