(8-97) The day I visited my mother's grave was full of mysterious events. One was my encounter with the qi gong master Zhuo. He is a short, stocky, middle aged man. His hair is dark and rough, a crew cut with each hair standing up straight on his scalp. His legs are short and strong, with two big muscle mass bulging from the thigh and calf area. It is the kind of legs that Chinese would call turnip legs. He is definitely not the type that I would ever feel attracted to.

I didn't have a good impression of him during our first massage session. Not too long after he touched me, he declared that everything was wrong with me. He said that my lungs were weak, my kidney was empty, and my liver was full of fire. I said to myself: "Yeah, right. So what else is new?" His massage was different from the western style of chopping, slapping, and twisting. His was best described as pressured caress. Occasionally he would pinch. He didn't seem to use much force, yet I have never experience anything more painful. Every time I moaned in pain, he told me that's where my qi was stuck. It would get better as I get healthier. Every now and then, he would let out a sigh: "Bitter. Bitter." He said my qi tasted bitter in his mouth. He said my bad qi has transferred to his body. He would then show me his bulging belly, and said: "Look here, look here. It wasn't like this before. It's all your qi coming to me." I could almost laugh. It's easy to just let your belly bulge. I am a scientific person. How could he ever expect me to believe it. His dark face turned even darker. His eyes all closed as if in pain, and then he would let out a long sigh. He said he was trying to breath out the bad qi. I suppose I should feel guilty, and give him more tip. But I was pretty disgusted with such sales tactics.

As painful and disgusted as our first session went, I did feel much better afterwards. My head felt clearer, I felt lighter. When I went to sleep, I dreamed first before I fell asleep. I knew it sounded strange. But as soon as I closed my eyes, I dreamed of drowning in a sea of yellow water. I was sinking, air bubble floating out of my mouth. Yet strangely enough, I wasn't suffocating. I was breathing under the water. Then, all of a sudden, I woke up. I said to myself: "What a strange dream." Then, I went into a deep, deep sleep. The next day, I decided to see him again.

He didn't seem to be as annoying for the following sessions. My health was restored to a point that I never knew before. I actually caught myself singing in a cab on the way home. I was shocked because I haven't sung for many years. On the night I couldn't make my appointment, I actually missed him. I was shaken by the discovery that I actually missed him. I knew he made me well and happy again, but that should not translate into attraction between men and women. However, I have to admit that I began to find him attractive.

We didn't have much more time left. He knew I was to return to the States in a few more days. He began to teach me all the accupressure points. He taught me how to find the point, and use a toothpick to press on it, and breath in and out. During our last session, he warned me that I should never perform any of the things I learned to anyone else. "Not even my husband?" I asked. "Not even your husband." he said. "His bad qi will go to you, and you don't have the capability to take it." he said.

After I came back to the states, my scientific mind was working again. Surely I could give my husband a massage if I want to. Wasn't there an old saying that husbands and wives are from the same sound and qi? If we were so intimate as a married couple, we must share some of the qi already. Then, one day, he had a migraine attack. I gave him a massage. Afterwards, I thought I could taste cigarette in my mouth. My neck was stiff, and one side of my head was hurting vaguely for a while. I thought I was imagining things. That night when I went to sleep, I was having chills, the kind of chills that came from inside. I had two layers of blankets over me and still felt cold, and it was July. That was real enough. I began to believe master Zhuo.

I don't know what it is lately that when things happen they seem to happen in a sequence of events that is closely related. After my experience with qi, I found a site discussing tantrix sex on the web. Tantrix sex is sex without actual physical contact. They practiced meditation, and synchronized breathing. At one point, they actually described blowing air from one partner to another. "That is qi." I said to myself. So, you can achieve the state of ecstasy by sharing the same qi. I was devastated. I felt like my whole intellectual life was crumbling to pieces. I thought about the Chinese phrase "qi wei xiang tou" that described friends who liked each other as "sharing the same taste and qi." I always think of that phrase being metaphorical. It has never occurred to me that it could be literal. Oh god, how could something small like this turn my life upside down. But it does. Just think, all your life you believed in this intricate system of the intellect, you found your mate according to such system, and one day you realized all the trouble you have gone through could have been solved simply by blowing air into each other... It simply cannot be.