(2-97) Following is an email sent from my cyberspace friend, Wolfgang. I apologize for the mistakes I made. I am delighted by the interesting points he made. So, here it is:

The January Culture and Communication item contains two errors. First, "Pride and Prejudice" is 19th century. This is important, because the romantic marriage, the union of two people based on their attraction to each other, is one of the results of the political, social and economic upheavals in Europe at the turn from the 18th to the 19th century. Before these, arranged marriages were very common, if not the rule. If servants or commoners wanted to get married, they had to get the approval of the local squire or even the head of state, at least in some parts of Europe. And though the Christian religion prescribes monogamy, mistresses or a sort of harem were not unknown. Second, polygamy was not restricted to the Chinese. Islam allows up to four wives for a man, and Judaism allows at least concubines. There is even a law (Deuteronomy 25, 5-10), requiring a man taking care of his dead brother's wife and siring children with her. Finally, I have two comments: what about the women? Not all are comfortable in a polygamous marriage. And there seems to have been a lot of friction among the wives. And the second: wives had to be supported, so polygamy was for the rich. What were the poor to do? well, that's all for today.

Yes, there was a lot of friction among the wives. That's why Chinese men were much troubled by the problem of jealousy from women. There were even herbal medicine prescribed for jealousy. A man, out of frustration, wrote a law with 56 rules for jealous wives. To name a few: those who nag during the day and demand endless sewing work from the concubines at night will be caned twenty times. For those who intentionally call the concubine out while she and the husband were having intercourse, will be caned one hundred times and sent to labor camp far away. For those who go home for a visit and took the concubines with them will be charged with kidnapping; they will be caned 70 times, and sent to prison for a year. None of these were implemented, of course, but they reflected the kind of friction that occur in their lives.

It seems to me polygamy was practiced rather extensively in Chinese society. However, common sense does indicate that only the rich can afford to have more than one wife. It is common for a story to begin with a man who got rich and famous, then started to think about having concubines. There was a scholar who followed such a path, and wrote a poem to his wife to ask permission to have a concubine. The wife replied with a poem also. She wrote: "Your whisper, my murmur; so much love. Love overflows, passion burns. Use some clay, mold one like you, and another like me. Take us together and break on the floor, then mix with water again; mold another you and another me. There is you in me, and me in you. I will live with you under the same blanket, and die with you in the same coffin." After reading this, the scholar gave up the idea of having a concubine.